Game-plan on How to Pick Up Chicks on Halloween

One of the BEST pick-up holidays of the year is right around the corner.

Face it - if you were going to go out and meet a chick, Halloween is the time to do so.

Why? Because - Halloween makes women more exhibitionist!

There's something so much more freeing about dressing up and pretending to be someone you aren't.

This means that on Halloween night, women will tend to be more out-going, more flirtatious,and much more FRISKY than they normally would be!

Not only that - but Halloween is a time for parties!

This means "easy pickings" for all you Pick-Up Artists out there.

So here are some tips for a fun, successful Halloween night:

1. Plan ahead!

Halloween usually means lots of special events and parties. Try and get a line on as many Halloween parties and gatherings as you can.

Ask your friends, check your local paper, and write down every event which sounds good to you. Plan on hitting all of them if you can. If you find a good event, you can stay there, but it's always nice to have alternatives!

2. Have a great costume!

Halloween is the one day out of the year where guys can get away with MURDER.

The best costumes for getting chicks on Halloweenare usually sexual in nature.

Last year, I wore a lab coat with the letters "Breast Inspector" on it, and had a stethoscope around my neck.

All night long, I had women coming up to me asking to have their breasts inspected! That is the power of having a great costume!

3. Take advantage of the night!

Don't just settle for a phone number on Halloween. This is a night to push for the FULL MONTEY.

After Halloween is over, the "magic" will wear off and the women you meet won't be as out-going. You want to strike while the iron is HOT!

So push hard for getting physical with any girl you meet on Halloween. Trust me - it WILL work!

~h

Going Out Alone, Kinoescalation Tips, and Getting the Phone Number

I was taking a break from studying Micro, when I started thinking [a lot] about HBAmazon, whom I've been seeing at the most inopportune times lately, and finally had a perfect opening..if only I'd seen it [or rather, her] on Friday - and it [or rather, she] is obviously still on my mind.

And then, my roommate apparently couldn't not run into her today, studying near her at the library, and then ending up at the gym at the same time as her, too - and as luck would have it, he didn't take his cell phone with him the whole day, so he couldn't hit me up to let me know that all of this was going down..awesome



Anyways, I started thinking about how I need to close this [as in, I need to, and how to go about doing so], and these ideas started flying around in my head.

For example, we have exams coming up in 2 weeks..but most other terms don't. Am I going to have people to go out with? Should that even be an issue?

I personally kind of like going out alone. It's less hassle getting everything organized, you don't have to wait for your friends to get there, you don't have the distraction of standing around talking to your buddies, and it's a great feeling to leave your house alone and come back with a beautiful woman. It also makes approaching WAY easier because if you don't approach you're just standing around by yourself, which is not particularly fun.

When I first started going out alone, I always felt like EVERYONE in the bar knew I was there by myself and was judging me for it. So one night I decided to do an experiment. I went to a bar and stood in the middle of the bar by myself, not talking to anybody. I was fully expecting people to give me dirty looks or make comments, but nothing happened. Then the next night I went out alone again and this time did a bunch of approaches, I was sure every group was going to ask me where my friends were. And it never happened. Because people really don't care. The biggest hurdle to going out alone is getting over the feeling that people will think you're less cool for being out alone.

Ok so let's look at some things that can be done to fix that worry or fear.

1. Getting in the batter's box. This is something a buddy once said to me that has always stuck. He said the hardest part of going out alone is getting yourself going. I know how it is, you're sitting around your house debating with yourself about whether to go out or stay in. You list all the reasons for and against going out, flip through your phone looking for girls you could call to come over, etc.. But what if instead of that, you simply started to get ready. While you're debating with yourself, hop in the shower, or shave or pick out an outfit for that night. This will help get the ball rolling and then once you're clean, shaved, dressed etc..you'll feel like you have to go out.

2. Approach the first girl you see in the venue. Nothing kills your state when you're out alone faster than standing around with a drink in your hand. So instead as soon as you walk into the venue, start talking to the first girl you see. If there aren't any girls in the bar yet, then talk to the first guy you see. A lot of guys underestimate the power of being talkative. The more of a talkative mood you're in, the easier it will be to approach.

3. Set a certain number of approaches you HAVE to do. It doesn'thave to be overly ambitious, but make sure that you set a goal for the amount of approaches you have to do and don't let yourself go home until you complete them.

4. Establish a home base. This is one of the best and easiest things to do when you go out by yourself. A home base is where you're going to be when you are in between approaches. You don't want to be standing by yourself, so you make friends with either a group of girls you're not interested in gaming or a group of guys. Then you periodically check in with them throughout the night when you need a break or there aren't any girls you're interested in approaching.

Remember: going out alone is either normal or weird based on how YOU feel about it.

So now, let's say you're out and talking to a girl you're interested in. YOU MUST START TOUCHING ASAP!

It doesn't matter if you're not comfortable touching girls. That's fine, I was not a naturally touchy guy either.

So what I did was I came up with a simple structure to guide my touching. It went like this:

1. Playful touching - This is stuff like playfully shoving her, flicking her on the arm, patting her pompously, etc..this is the stuff that happens early on. With touching the earlier you do it, the more you will seem like a naturally touchy guy.

2. Hand touching - This is stuff like high-fives, thumb wars, playfully slapping her hand, and so on.

3. Arm in arm - This will happen as you're qualifying girls. She says something you like, you take her hand, place it on your arm and say "That's all you get". You can also do this when you're moving a girl by asking her if she's the romantic type and holding your arm out for her to link through.

4. Arm around - This is another reward type of touching. She says or does something you like, so you pull her in by her waist. There's an easy way to tell if she's attracted here, because she will put her arm back around you if she likes it.

5. Hand holding - The best way to hand-hold, is to suggest moving and then holding your hand back for her to grab.

6. Kissing - There's a variety of ways to kiss, but my soon-to-be favorite is what's called "The Almost Kiss". This is where in the middle of talking to her, you stop and say "I'm sorry, I'm having a really hard time talking to you, becauseI keep thinking about kissing you. But I understand we're not ready for that yet. So we're going to do an almost kiss. We're going to get really close, but you're not allowed to kiss me and I'm not allowed to kiss you. If you kiss me, it will ruin all trust in our relationship". Then you lean forward and get as close to her lips as you can without touching them. Then you push her away and go back to talking. 5-10 minutes later you can go back in for another almost kiss, at which point the girl will almost always kiss you.

The key with touching is that you have to act like it's the most normal thing in the world.

Ok, so now let's say things have progressed even better, and you need to get her number [i.e. no SNL in this case :-p].

Something to keep in mind: women give out their phone numbers all the time. The phone number isn't worth the paper it's written on, or the phone it's stored in. Sometimes women will even give you their phone number to get rid of you. This isn't the seventies when a phone number meant something. Every girl who has a cell phone, has caller ID..and she can pretty much avoid any guy she wants to, and guess what - she may want to avoid you.

The major mistake most guys make here, is not setting up a date. Getting phone numbers and agreeing to "see each other again sometime" are stairways to heaven. Instead what you want to do is suggest an activity at a specific time and place that you guys can do together. This could be as simple as mentioning how you're going to a comedy show this Thursday early in the conversation, and then bringing it up again and inviting her when you want to get her phone number. By making her commit to a certain time and place, you will see if she's actually interested or if she's just being polite. For example, this way she can say "I'm sorry I'm busy that night..", and if she doesn't suggest alternative plans, you know you have a potential flake on your hands.

Now there are a few other mistakes guys commonly make, as well. First is waiting too long to call her. On a cold approach, you want to call the very next day. The reason being, she doesn't have a whole lot invested in you, unlike a guy in her social circle, whom she'll have to see again.

Then there's waiting an ungodly amount of time to follow up if/when she doesn't call you back. Forget all the "3-day rules" and "5-day rules" you hear about; you want to keep following up every day or other day until you either get her on the phone, or you get distracted by all the other girls you have in the pipeline. You do have other girls in the pipeline, right?

Remember, this is the real world, and not every girl that you think you have a connection with is going to call you back.

The solution is to go out [alone if need be] and meet more women.

~h

Campus Game

I have a quick minute, so I wanted to write a fast post on something I noticed while watching a few people interacting with each other in between class earlier today. And it deals with the two different categories that a guy can/does usually fall into when he's out and about, spitting game or whatever.

For example, there's a difference between the guy who jumps around acting drunk all night, and the guy who ends up between the sheets with the hot girl from the volleyball team.

Both types of guys start off their night seemingly the same..smiles, laughs, fun, a few drinks. But at some point in the night, the two split ways: the one type of guy gets laid; the other type of guy gets pizza and maybe some mozzarella sticks.

Now, I'm not hating on mozzarella sticks at all, I think they're amazing -but like anything else in life, they have their time and place.

So what's the difference between the two types of guys?

It's the ability to lead.

The guys that can lead can get people to follow. Those that cannot lead, simply can't.

So ask yourself this: can you lead a group of guys to a late night bar spot? Will they listen to you? Or will you simply "go with the flow"?

And more importantly - can you lead a girl to the bedroom? Or do you just hope for the best?

Leadership makes the difference, especially when it comes to campus-style game.

A girl sees you leading = attraction.

A girl notices you are leading your conversation with her = attraction.

You lead a girl to the bedroom = fun time.

So today's lesson, if you haven't figured it out yet?

LEAD.

In all situations, take it upon yourself to lead. To make things happen. Get the plans going. Lead conversations confidently. Get comfortable being this new you.

Lead, and the girls will follow.

~h

The Temporary "Quick Fix" - Quick Advice to Boost Your Game TONIGHT

What Is The One Thing You Can Do NOW To Get The Girl?

Okay, there's all kinds of different things that are good advice in pickup. Some of the advice can seem opposite of each other in certain ways. And so if you try and boil it down and say "What's the one thing?"..

Obviously, I want you to do a bunch of different things, now that would get you some real results - I've got 5, 6, 10 different things I want you to do. But if I really had to boil it down to one thing, and I was stuck with only one piece of advice..then I guess I'd have to say: "Just be persistent".

Just keep trying, keep trying..because what guys usually do that fucks them up, is that they just sit around and stare, they sit there in the corner, they go get another drink, they just DON'T DO ANYTHING.

So at least if you're being persistent, you're actually up there doing something. The problem is if you just tell someone to be persistent, you're leaving out the active disinterest part, doing the push-aways, the negs. Because otherwise, if you don't tell someone to do that, they just keep being persistent, and it's too needy. They make the move, they say something, they try and get something, basically you're always pushing, pushing, pushing..so at this point, the girl is getting one emotion, but she's not getting the disinterest emotion to then create that comfort for the next move or escalation.

The actual advice I would tell someone with only a second to try and get something going: Make a bunch of crazy moves on her, be fun and crazy .. BUT do a lot of active disinterest in between, do a lot of push-aways in between.

For example - I give her a hug, but push her away and say "get off me"..then make another crazy move, and roll off to say hi to a friend.

Basically what you're doing is this sort of hardcore push-pull, and that's one piece of advice that I know in my mind , even if your technique kind of sucks and you're not really that well-practiced, you're definitely going to get the best possible results right off the bat with that emotional push-pull.

So next time you're out, looking at a chick and trying to figure out what you can do right this second to try and get some attraction..the best thing you can [literally, tonight] is to make a lot of crazy, fun, bold moves, BUT throw in a lot of push-aways at the same time. Give her a hug, then push her away. Grab her hand, then throw it down. Go up to her and say something funny, then turn away and get a drink. Back and forth, back and forth. That's what's going to stimulate her emotions the most. That's what I think would get the highest percentage of great responses for the "temporary" fix.

Want more quick advice?

Talk to women. Seriously.

It seems simple, but as Mystery said on Conan O'Brien, "The number one thing you can do to meet women is ........ Get Out Of The House."

So please get yourselves out into those social situations, take a step out of your comfort boundary, and hit me up to let me know how it went!

~h

The Truth about "Natural Game"

When you've been around pickup and dating science for some time, you'll have seen trends come and go, from creepy old guys telling you to point at your penis when you talk to hippy shamans guaranteeing that any woman can squirt, not to mention the guy who had legions of online fans based on his "new discoveries" until he was forced to admit that he was, in fact, a virgin. These things remind me of societal trends like 80's clothes and hair, oxygen water, or Dungeons and Dragons 3.0: they are all bad, and they will all ruin your game.

The latest of these fads: "natural game". According to this, you don't need any of the best word-for-word scripts, you don't need the step-by-step structure from Magic Bullets; you can just go out and be yourself and have fun and women will come to you. The problem here is that this is what most of us were trying to do before we discovered dating science, that it didn't work back then, and that it sure as heck won't help new people get better now.

When you have large, complex problems like "see that beautiful woman over there; get her into bed (or make her my girlfriend)", it's really helpful to break it down into specific tasks that come one after another. First you do X, until Y happens, and then you do Z. There are only 6 steps, and only a few combinations within each, but it has simplified the lives of thousands of men worldwide and it works. And "being yourself" doesn't help if you draw a mental blank or run out of things to say. Sure, it's easy to tell someone just to make conversation when he runs out of things to say, but when you're talking to a Playboy Playmate look-alike, and her friends are trying to drag her away, and she's looking at you expectantly to see if there's anything more to you than a well-delivered opening line..you have to have stuff ready to go. And it has to be good. Why try to use stuff that didn't work in the past when there is proven material that has worked time and time again to guide you?

In general, any fad that promises an easy path without putting in the work sounds - and is - too good to be true. Does this mean being "natural" is bad or impossible? Of course not. If you see The Mystery Method bootcamp graduates out socially, they will look very relaxed and natural. But that's because they've done the work to get there.

Let me explain, with reference to an all-American metaphor: baseball.

A professional baseball player can step up to the plate, stare at the pitcher, and then, with perfection and apparent ease, hit the ball perfectly for a home run. Let's say you are brand new to the sport of baseball. Perhaps you have never even stepped up to bat before - but you really want to learn and you spend the money and get the opportunity to train with this professional baseball player. The first thing you ask him is "How do I hit a home run?", and he explains that the best way to hit a home run is not to think about it. You need to just feel when the timing is right to hit the ball. Your mind and soul should be on autopilot, you should be one with your true self and then hitting the home run will come naturally to you.


Is he lying to you? No. That is the way he hits a home run every time. But will that advice ever help you hit a home run? Not one darn bit. What has happened is this professional player has completely forgotten about all the years he has spent playing baseball. He forgot about the thousands of times he has been up to bat before. He forgot entirely about his learning process that has allowed him to become the natural baseball player who can effortlessly hit home runs.
It is no different with meeting and attracting women. If you haven't had all of the success you want, going out and "being natural" isn't going to help, no matter how many eBooks you read.

Natural game is simply how men act when they are ALREADY good with women.

You learn natural game by going out and practicing, as much as possible, for as long as possible. You practice with the best tools available to you. Natural game is learned by doing a thousand approaches and then going out and doing a thousand more. It comes from hard work, a good attitude, patterns of success, and a willingness to push through some failure. It comes from making good friends who will push you, attending bootcamps and seminars, and then going out and doing all of it all over again. If you do that I guarantee that you will have natural game.

People who all of a sudden "discover" natural game actually reveal more about their own dating science skills and development than they do about how to teach others. All it means is that they have gotten good enough with the basic structure and with routines that they are now able to take the training wheels off. They discover that now that they have internalized the right behaviors and intuitions from having worked with a structure and routines that they don't need to slavishly follow the model anymore and can improvise.

Well, of course.

When you see me out with friends, I'm improvising, taking advantage of possible shortcuts, and so on. That's because you reach a point where you're good enough to be able to "feel" the game and be "natural," like the baseball player in this analogy. But there's no way that you can get that good if you don't have and use the right resources out there. And whenever something goes wrong, you go straight back to the basics to troubleshoot.

There is a world of difference between being good with women and being able to teach others how to be good with women. Being able to pick up is necessary to being a good teacher, but it's not enough. That's why I've always been suspicious of guys who proclaim themselves to be gurus. If they were really gurus who could change other peoples' lives, there'd be armies of men using their system to great results.

The best way to learn natural game is to do the work necessary to get there. To make the most progress in the least amount of time, it is best to do the training and the exercises that teach you natural game. Those are following the program: scripted material, canned openers, and proven attraction routines. These are time-tested, proven methods that have transformed thousands of Average Frustrated Chumps [AFCs], into real-world pick up artists and the new "naturals."

Another error in the natural game theory, and it applies equally to our pro baseball player and to our pickup artist, is that natural game only happens when your mind and body are in state. What happens when you are nervous, tired, had a bad day at work, dog died or Marvel kills off Captain America? You aren't in the mood to be instantly clever and charming right off the top of your head. But you sure as hell can read a couple of scripts, and then go approach. Every single time.

The few guys I know who are teaching natural game got there only after doing years of field work. Natural game comes from doing the field work. And the best way to learn the field work is to follow the system. Once you have it, natural game is a lot more fun and a lot easier in my opinion; however, it is anything but natural.

~h

Always Remember to Have FUN - It's the Ultimate Attraction Switch

A reminder from Sinn on the importance of fun:


~h

Sinn on Attraction Frames

First, a quick intro on Frames, in general:


And now, the Attraction Frames:


~h

Is This How YOU Game?

I hope the answer is no


And, always beware the basic pitfalls of gaming..


~h

LR: Some More Text Messages

Here's a text message exchange that I had with HBMPHBrunette, and since it went really well for me, I figured I'd post it up on here for you guys to use before I deleted it.

HBMPHB: wanting to get some meds from me because she needs to study for a make-up exam

h: "Sounds cool hottie! Lemme know wen u need em..", then explained I've got different Rxs

HBMPHB: "hahaha! ur such a gangsta! dude the 30 sounds gr8! u know that i officially love you, right? let me know when ur gonna b on campus!"

h: "I love you too dearie! Esp during the booty call hrs ;-) ..but uh dont tell neone bout our secret love - it'll hurt my gangsta image :-p" [note the push-pull type of formula, following Sinn and Future's breakthrough comfort style of texting]

HBMPHB: "tell anyone? u nuts? would ruin the treasure that is our mutual love!"

h: "Very tru..i knew i kept u around 4 a reason - u're smart AND good in bed ;-) altho u do learn from the best gangsta lover ever :-p"

Later that night, we meet up for a bit to get our transaction through, and she tells me that her boyfriend goes through her phone, so she had to stop texting me when he got back.

A couple days later, she hit me up again, to get some of the other Rx, and pay me back for it all. So I texted her back, "Haha u're crazy..n it's great! I'll hit u up after my group meeting".

We met up, and she'd "left" her money in her room - how convenient, since she came out to see me..plausible deniability, anyone? ;-)

So we go back to her place, and I start talking to her about her room and some of the shit she had in there [mixed in with some sexualized comments, like how her bed was barely big enough for one person, how could we both fit on there, etc]. After a few minutes, I grabbed some DVD cover and sat down on her bed, reading the back of it. She got the money, came over and sat down on the bed, and gave it to me.

I leaned into her and told her that she smelled really nice. Then, I ran my fingertips up her neck to her hair. Then I stroked her hair and told her how I was trying so hard not to kiss her - and as it turned out, that's all I needed to do, because she lunged lip-first at my face lol

Our clothes come flying off, and next thing I know, she's bent over on her bed, with my dick rammed deep inside of her - not bad for a post-class activity :-)

It still surprises me sometimes as to just how easy this stuff can be, and how smoothly it can go, just with having the right timing with the escalation, both physical and verbal - starting back from the sexual framing in the texts all the way up to being in her room.

~h

How to Approach a Group of Girls, and Have Them Think You're Great

In this post, I’m going to use women at a bar. I will be going into lots of other techniques for non-bar pickups, too, but for now, we’ll stick with this.

As you know, women don’t usually go to bars on their own..they go in groups.

Approaching groups of women can be extremely daunting, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, you can fail miserably with groups, and like a pack of wolves they can rip you apart. I’ve seen guys get cussed at, totally ignored, and even drinks poured all on them.

But if you do the approach right, then your success with a group of women can usually yield great results.

Whenever I suggest approaching groups of women, I get guys looking at me as though I’m from another planet. I realize that lots of guys probably don’t have the initial confidence to simply walk up to beautiful women they don’t know..don’t worry, this can be easily solved.

I’ll give you some simple tips here..

Increasing Confidence Exercise - In the Mall

Step 1: Walk around the shopping mall and when you catch a woman’s eye, smile at her – more often than not, she’ll smile back. To start with, you can do this just with store employees. Even if they don’t want to smile, they probably will.

Good practice..and you might even brighten a few women’s lives a little.

Step 2: Once you’ve gained confidence in making natural eye contact and a smile with staff, you could move onto other women in the mall. I’m not suggesting big weird freak smiles, just nice, natural, friendly ones. A lot of women will smile back at you.

Step 3: Here’s where it might seem a little weird, but this really does help, and practice and repetition will make this a lot easier - just say "hi", with a smile, to women [and men, if you like] as you walk around the mall. It will feel HORRIBLE at first if you are not confident, but slowly, after an hour or two, it’ll seem easy.

After you’ve smiled and said "hi" to 20 or 30 women, you should start to feel good..as long as you don’t quit on your first negative response; this will happen, and it'll happen when you’re approaching women to pick them up, too - you have to learn to step out of your comfort zone if you want to be successful with women.

One of my buddies did the “smile at girls in the mall” technique, and he actually ended up meeting the girl of his dreams and is still with her – how’s that for effective! :-)

Keep in mind that there are plenty of other techniques you can do to build your confidence, most not quite as scary as the mall one.

Cool, now let’s assume you now have the confidence [or at least the guts] to approach women you don’t know in a bar.

Firstly, let’s suppose two girls are seated together at a bar: one is the "ugly" one, and one is the hot one [i.e. the one you like the looks of and would like to get to know more].

You see the girls..go up to them and talk to them IMMEDIATELY!

Don’t waste time.

Within 3 seconds of seeing them, approach them. Mystery [and others now] call this the "3 second rule", and I've got to say it really does seem to work.

If you see her and like her, it’s best not to think too much about the approach, or you’re more likely to work yourself into such a state that your approach will be ineffective, or you’ll just pussy out altogether!

So - within 3 seconds, go TALK to her!

Also, always, ALWAYS approach a woman from the side, or at an angle from the front..NEVER from behind – this is really important to remember!

If you go up to the group at the bar and approach from behind, you will instantly invoke a negative response, and they will be put on the defensive - not what you're going for. So to prevent things from starting off on the wrong foot, and then needing to do damage control [which might be futile at that point, anyway], always, always, ALWAYS go in from the side or angled from the front.

~h

Inside the Mind of a Hot, Yet Insecure, Girl

Have you ever been played hard by a girl..?

Today, let’s take a journey into the mind of a hot but deeply insecure girl to see what’s going on and how she games the men in her life.

The hot girl in question is a composite of a few girls I’ve known, and we’ll call her "Sarah". Every girl has a little bit of Sarah in them - this composite we’re drawing is simply the most extreme iteration of it.

Here’s the backstory, taken from my experiences with the girls:

I met her at a cool, semi-exclusive bar while she was on a date; she and her date were seated nearby us at a large communal table, and it was clear that she wasn’t madly in love with the guy, despite his fawning over her.

Interesting challenge..

A few weeks and much flakiness later, she came to one of my parties. We dated for about a week and a half afterwards, but it didn’t take long to figure out that it wasn’t going anywhere. She’s 21, has various addictions I’d never accept in a girlfriend, and parties way too much. That’d be fine and we could have still had something basic if the physical connection was good, but it wasn’t.

Sexual tension resolved, we transitioned into being friends, and these days she is something of a surrogate little sister. It's adorable - she’ll come by my place, bounce around like a pinball, and effervesce about the drama and excitement in her life.

Sarah is a smart girl - far more intelligent than she initially appears. She plays the ditzy little girl role with aplomb, and half of my friends still refuse to believe that her IQ could possibly break the triple digit barrier. But when it comes to men, she knows exactly what she’s doing.

In the months we’ve been friends, I’ve seen her destroy several guys, and I watch her keeping a steady flow of prospects in the pipeline. The guys she dates are good looking, successful, and usually, they fall hard.

I believe that deep down Sarah is also a good girl who wants to find a deeper happiness than her life today gives her, but as it stands, I’d hate for one of my friends to get caught up with a girl like her. And should you ever find yourself in a situation with a Sarah of your own, it's only fair that you understand exactly what’s going on.

Personally, I’ve dated two girls like her before, and was in a wickedly hurtful relationship with one of them. Let’s see if we can get into Sarah’s head.

The first thing you have to know about her existence is that it is fairly shallow. Moment to moment, she seeks constant emotional and physical stimulation in the form of drugs, sex, cigarettes, text flirting with guys, etc. And unlike most of us, she’s able to get away with this because, well, she’s a hot 21 year old in a big city who knows how to play the game.

Sarah also likes to party. She’s out two to four nights a weeks, sometimes hitting multiple clubs at once, and she’s always at the best and hottest new club. Promoters love her because she rarely brings guys along, and has a great personality; fun, ditzy, playful, giggly - everything you want in a girl when you’re out at a club.

But when she meets a guy in whom she’s interested, her demeanor changes instantly. First, her voice softens up to something akin to a baby’s cooing and her eyes become doe-like. The innocence comes across as capitulation, and flips a big switch in a man - his desire to take care of a woman.

But she also knows how to turn on the sexy..with a narrowing of the eyes, a crossing of the legs, a little bite of the lip - and she’s attractive enough that few men are going to turn her down. I’ve watched her do it to four randoms in clubs, as well as a friend of mine just to prove to me that she could.

This 1-2-3 combo results in paralyzing crushes: fun wild social girl to fawning little bunny to sexual mistress.

She goes after bankers and traders whenever possible. It is important for her ego that the men she’s dating have certain qualifications.

And as she starts dating a man, she’s full of push-pull. One morning she’s in his kitchen, wearing his oxford shirt and cooking breakfast for him. She tells him she’ll see him later that night, then flakes out and heads to a club with me where we’ll dance the night away.

The guy starts texting her, “Baby, where are you?” The next morning, she meekly apologizes, shows up for sex, and pulls the guy deeper into thinking that if he tries just a little bit harder, she’ll change for him.

And this is the genius [mad or otherwise] in how she handles a man. She is incredibly compliant and giving when she’s with him, to the point he thinks he “has her”. She is very emotional and “falls in love” quickly; temporary as it may be, the guy starts to believe it, too. Her emotions are like a hurricane: as soon as they come, they can also be gone.

And a guy wants to believe that he’s going to be the one who tames her, that she’ll be his domestic Debbie. Then, once she’s felt that the guy has invested enough into her [and critically, ONLY then], she’ll disappear.

And here’s the funny part - it works best on the guys with huge egos. The most successful, the best-looking, the ones who eat women for breakfast. She’s sexy enough that she can make them work hard to get her [fancy meals, tables and bottles, whatever she wants, really], and once they’ve invested enough and then “won”, it becomes part of their ego that they’re dating the girl who everyone else wants but who no one can have.

The moment she pulls away, that massive ego begins to lurch. I’ve watch guys cancel travel plans, leave work early, and go into debt trying to pull this girl back into their world.

Does this lead to good relationships? Absolutely not - it results in fights, guys showing up at her house [and mine] yelling in the street for her, and lots of bad feelings. But it works for her for two reasons:

First, all the drama is essentially emotional stimulation. Whether she’s feeling really good and excited about a guy, or whether he’s blowing up her Blackberry with pleas and grievances, it is making her life interesting.

Secondly, while she is an intelligent girl, she has some very deep issues. Insecurities she’s not comfortable sharing with a guy with whom she’s romantically involved. She knows [instinctively] that if she truly opens herself up in that way, she’s putting herself in a position to be hurt. And she’s so insecure about who she really is that she’s just not going to let a guy who’s fucking her have that kind of power over her.

What’s the lesson here for us guys?

Well, most importantly, do your homework and follow your instincts. A key concept in attraction is investment: the more you invest in something, the more of an emotional attachment you develop for it.

And falling in love with Sarah is kind of like buying stock in a promising but volatile tech company - if it is a hot thing that is poised to take off and generate massive returns, you might get emotionally invested, and fail to get out when you should. Every now and then, the company puts out a press release with incredibly good news, but since you’ve never met management, you don’t know if it's accurate. And believe me, if a man is dealing with Sarah on a superficial or ego basis, he definitely hasn’t met management.

Perhaps you started dating a girl and had people who knew her tell you to “watch out for her”, but you defended her and said “no, I know her in a way that other people don’t” or something equally silly. Well, management is hidden away in the board room and letting the PR and customer service people do the talking, and you bought into the lines they’re feeding you.

What else? Don’t let your ego get caught up in determining whether she’d be a good girl for you. Sarah has great people in her life who are looking out for her, and just because you’re fucking her doesn’t mean it's your responsibility to save her.

Yes, if she sees your interest waning, she’ll work hard to get it back. But if you’re getting any signs that your girl is half-heartedly committed, that her insecurities and/or abilities with men are driving her to seek constant stimulation, then you just have to keep your eyes open - one day, when she’s had enough partying, she’ll find a solid man and latch on tight, and there will be no doubt in his mind [or hers] that she’s in it to win it.

But until then, if there’s smoke, there’s probably fire.

The things that drive Sarah are present in everyone’s head. When you’re looking for a girlfriend, it's important to be able to see her for who she really is.

I’ve been in relationships with girls who I thought were loving, honest people. Something went wrong, then all of a sudden I’m seeing parts of Sarah come out. The girl is pushing me, pulling me, and I’m telling myself “wait, this isn’t who she is! She’s the girl I was dating a few months ago..I just need to bring that back out of her”.

Problem is, because her perception of me and the role that I play in her life changed, the person who she is when she’s dating me changed, too.

Lessons learned.

And hey - if you know yourself and who you are, you know what you’ll accept, what you won’t, and you’ll be able to give yourself fully in love when the right girl comes along.

~h

8 Keys to Success With Women

1) Always judge a woman by the way she acts..and not by what she tells you

If she tells you that she loves you, but doesn't respond to the way you touch her..if she tells you that she likes you, but acts differently..don't waste your time.

Go by how she acts. You have eyes. You are not stupid - you know when a woman's actions do not match up with her words.

2) Don't try to impress a woman

Rather, try to interest her..there is a difference!

When you impress, you are getting a woman for the short term. The problem with impressing a woman is that you have to constantly think of new tricks.

It's easier to interest her. If you do not know the difference between impressing a woman and interesting her, you have a lot to learn:

The man who impresses a woman is a magician. He thinks of new tricks, and the audience "gasps!" in wonder. But after some time, his tricks are for nothing. Then he has to learn new tricks.

The man who interests a woman is a painting. It is a beautiful painting that a person stares at in awe. And with each passing day, it is still beautiful. It is timeless. And all who look upon the painting know that it is genuine beauty.

Interest her rather than impressing her - impressing a woman is fake..interesting a woman is genuine.

3) Do you know what I find ironic? If a girl never liked you to begin with, your gifts, flowers, and chocolates won't do a damn thing.

And on the same token, if a girl already liked you, your gifts, flowers, and chocolates are unneeded, because she already liked you.

4) It's all about SELF-IMPROVEMENT

When a man exercises and becomes stronger, he changes.

A woman takes notice.

When a man studies hard and gets the job that he desires, he changes.

A woman takes notice.

When a man gets a rewarding career and gets the wealth that he desires, he changes.

A woman takes notice.

When a man works on improving his own life and fulfilling his own dreams, he changes.

A woman takes notice.

When a man focuses on improving himself physically, socially, mentally and spiritually, he changes.

A woman takes notice.

Ambition is absolutely attractive to a woman. And this is why a woman is intrigued by a man who speaks and thinks with ambition. In fact, some women will desire a man even if he is poor, if his ambition burns in his soul.

Women associate ambition with potential. A man with ambition is always striving for perfection and for obtaining that which he desires.

5) The only way to have a happy life is to develop one for yourself, then leave an opening for someone else to come and share it with you.

Neither of these two things is easy..BUT - a woman will not fulfill your life; you must fulfill your own life!

6) Observe the best salesmen!

There are certain salesmen that you will never buy from. And there are the ones that you do.

Observe the best salesmen. Observe the way he talks to you: what he does, how he acts, how he walks, how he talks..basically, what is his "secret"?

If you are a wise man, you will learn from him. Watch him. Observe him. Study him. Read him. In a way, become him.

Believe it or not, getting a woman is the ability to SELL. You have to show her why YOU are better than the other men.

7) Know this rule about women: A woman who truly likes you will MAKE TIME TO BE WITH YOU

A woman who truly likes you will never be too busy for you. Learn this now!

If a girl ever tells you that she's too busy for you, you better understand..women make time for men that they love!

8) THE RIGHT WAY TO TALK TO A GIRL

I think there is a lot of confusion on how to speak to women. Some people recommend pickup tips and pickup lines and things of the sort. There are literally hundreds and hundreds of books on the subject. But I've learned better. I've learned that it doesn't do any good to try to memorize lines to talk to a woman.

I've learned that the best way to attract a woman is to be interesting. Act like she knows you. Act like you know her. How do you talk to your friends? How do you talk to those who know you? Do you speak like that to her?

Well, you should.

The key is to act like you know her, but you want to add a tinge of sexuality. You don't want to be "just that friend".

You want to also show that you have some interest in her. Whenever I go to attract a woman, I act like she's an ex-girlfriend of mine - just show a genuine interest in her. I talk to her like I know her. But at the same time, I show her that I'm a bit playful. I let her know that she is a woman and I am a man.

The trick and the puzzle of women is that they've been conditioned to hear pickup lines.

They've been conditioned to think that the moment a man approaches them, they are looking for sex.

But when you come up to women and act like you know them, when you say, "Hi!" and you keep talking to her like you know her, she'll feel a sense of ease and comfort.

And that is exactly how you should make her feel - when you make a woman comfortable, then you have completed the most difficult obstacle of all.

~h

More Thoughts on Cold Reading

This post deals with the idea of cold reading. Keep in mind that originality is the most important quality that you can convey to a woman - from the way you dress to how you approach the ladies and engage them in conversation.

On the other hand, when you fail to make a unique impression, she's going to automatically lump you in with the last 37 chumps who tried to buy her a drink - and within three minutes of you paying for her $12 cocktail, she'll be excusing herself to "go find her friend." As if her friend is lost somewhere in the nightclub, in desperate need of food and water..

The key to building a bond with her is to engage her attention and to get her to share information about herself.

Then you'll tell her how much you relate and establish rapport with her.

One of my favorite conversational tactics for accomplishing this is by using cold reads. This technique, which as I mentioned in my previous post is used to great effect by psychics and palm readers, is a way to make the other person feel like you understand what makes them tick, and what they're going through, without them directly telling you.

The trick with cold reads is that the "observations" you're making apply to virtually anyone. Yet there are psychological reasons why they work so effectively.

Human beings are self-centered, and we generally accept claims about ourselves that reflect how we wish to be.

Also, people are vain. We want to be seen as unique.

Even though cold reads are usually vague generalizations [which would apply to your Aunt Bernice, just as they would to the hottie partying with her friends at the nightclub], we want to agree with the person who skillfully "reads" us, and we'll believe they have unusual powers of perception.

So forget about asking the generic "job interview" questions - "So what's your name", "where are you from", etc.

Example: if I'm in a club, talking to some babe who's acting a bit hard to get, I'll bust out a cold read along the lines of:

"You know, HB, I get the sense that a lot of guys get the wrong idea when they first meet you. They think you're stand-offish and a bit cold. But you're actually a lot more sensitive, and funny, than people realize".

Another example: "I get the sense it takes you a while to trust people, because you've been hurt before by someone who was really close to you. But the people that do earn your trust, you would do anything for them".

Yet another: "I can tell that you're someone who usually plays it safe and doesn't take chances, but sometimes you've regretted it because you missed out an opportunity. But then other times, you're spontaneous and adventurous, and you do take chances..and that's when you've had some of the best times of your life" [this one is a good one to work in for SNL-style game].

If she agrees with one of these "reads" [and honestly, I've never had a woman flat-out disagree], I'll follow up by telling her that I can totally relate, because I'm the same way.

This builds a bond between me and her instantly. In order to solidify the bond, I'll tell a quick story - one that illustrates how I'm the same type of person [a good idea: if you've got five cold reads ready to use, you should also have five short stories to illustrate how you embody those same qualities].

A similar tactic is using "Barnum statements", named after the circus showman P. T. Barnum. These statements apply to just about anybody, but they give the impression that you're tapping into her inner psyche.

One of my favorites is "I can tell something has been weighing on your mind. You're on the verge of making an important decision in your life, aren't you?" This is a good one, because pretty much all of us, at any given time, are contemplating a big decision..or one that is big to us, at least.

Regardless, she'll be surprised and impressed that you knew that about her. She'll probably volunteer more information - and now you're engaged in a deep, authentic conversation instead of trying to fill awkward pauses, or drag her onto the dance floor.

Much of what a cold reader does is simply repeating back what the subject has said, as if he already knew the answer.

For example, if she affirms that she's on the verge of making a big decision, nod wisely and say something along the lines of, "Yes, that's right, and you're really having a hard time with it".

In other words, claim her answer as your own.

Some other examples of cold reads that are vague yet "profound":

"You have a strong need for others to like and admire you, but you also have a tendency to be critical of yourself".

"You've got a hidden talent, or a passion, that most people don't know about, and you want to pursue it..but something is holding you back".

"At times, you're really social and out-going. But other times, you're reserved and introverted".

Now that you understand the idea behind cold reads, you can make your own. Based on her vibe, the way she's dressed, and how she acts during the first few minutes of conversation, you should be able to use a "read" that applies to her.

Keep in mind that this is just one example of an original, thought-provoking conversational tactic. There's only so much I can squeeze into my posts, what with med school and all taking up so much of my time.

But I know it's helpful for you guys, and it helps me to get these thoughts and ideas out "on paper", helping me register them in my own mind more cleanly and clearly.

~h

Cold Reading

Cold reading is a technique often used by mentalists, fortune tellers, psychics, and mediums to determine details about another person in order to convince them that the reader knows much more about a subject than he or she actually does.

Even without prior knowledge of a person, a practiced cold reader can still quickly obtain a great deal of information about the subject by carefully analyzing the person's body language, clothing or fashion, hairstyle, gender, sexual orientation, religion, race or ethnicity, level of education, manner of speech, place of origin, etc. - check out some of Derren Brown's stuff on YouTube or Google video for a better idea of how this can be used in such completely unfamiliar settings or circumstances [especially the clip when he's in the club/lounge with 3 girls and exposes their inner thoughts or something].

Cold readers commonly employ high probability guesses about the subject, quickly picking up on signals from their subjects as to whether their guesses are in the right direction or not, and then emphasizing and reinforcing any chance connections the subjects acknowledge while quickly moving on from missed guesses.

Cold reading can also be used, much more importantly in my mind, to set and develop frames for people to fit into. This is a very beneficial use of cold reading. I have a few examples of this in some emails and texts that I've been sending out [check out my Some Text Messages and Mass Text Message posts from before], and I'll probably post some of those soon, to provide a better idea of this.

Also, I'll be posting some general as well as specific cold reading routines soon, so check back for them in the next few days :-)

~h

Some Points on Body Language Bouncing Around in My Mind

Simply try avoiding the most common mistakes that you have by watching your own body language. You should be replacing the bad movements with more confident movements. This will make huge difference in your interactions in set.

Here you will find eight of the most common body language destroyers that will leave your target unimpressed. You want to train your body to naturally avoid these harmful movements, and you’ll see that these simple changes can make all the difference in the world.

1. Avoiding eye contact
In a one-on-one conversation, do you glance to the side, down at your feet, or anywhere but your target? Ever catch yourself looking over the shoulder of the person you’re talking to?

This says that you lack confidence, nervousness, and incongruent with high value identity.

Next time, try keeping your eyes on your target. Spend 80% of the time looking into the eyes of your target. The majority of people spend too much time looking everywhere else but their target's eyes. Not surprisingly, most people can change this behavior instantly simply by watching a video of themselves. Powerful gurus look at their target directly in the eye when gaming.

*Exception - freeze outs, punishment for bad behavior.

2. Blocking: Allowing an obstacle to get in between you and your target
Another common mistake is putting something between you and your target. Closing off your body language like: crossing your arms, standing behind a podium or chair, talking to someone from behind them, or standing in between something and your target..all of which prevent a real connection from taking place.

Next time, try maintaining open body language, and make sure nothing is between you and the target. Keep your hands apart and your palms up, pointed toward the ceiling. Remove physical barriers between you and your listeners.

3. General Nervousness: Fidgeting, rocking or swaying
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unsure, or incongruent. Fidgeting, rocking, and swaying don’t serve any purpose other than lowering your value. Let’s imagine for a second a top guru who becomes nervous because the target is unresponsive. He and his wings actually say they have the event under control, and they have learned valuable lessons from their failure.

But their body language suggests otherwise.

Next time, remember that the biggest problem is rocking back and forth as you deliver the routines. It reflects a lack of competence, control, and becomes unnatural. Eventually learning to move with purpose, you can and will avoid social suicide. The target will leave the venue confident that she will see you again and that you are congruent.

4. Hands in your pockets or clasped together
Keeping your hands stiffly by your side or in your pockets can give the impression that you’re uninterested, uncommitted, or nervous — whether you are or not doesn't matter; it's the appearance that will break your frame.

Next time, try taking your hands out of your pocket and use them for purposeful, assertive hand gestures. Engaging both hands above the waist is an example of a complex hand gesture that reflects complex thinking and gives the target confidence, comfort, and trust in you.

5. Standing or sitting perfectly still
Ineffective PUAs barely move, staying in one spot during an entire night. What it says about them, however, is that they are rigid, nervous, and boring; in other words, they're not engaging or social.

Next time, try to animate your body, not your slides. Walk. Move, jump, dance, grab a beer, whatever..anything is better than sitting still.

Most PUAs think they need to stand stuck in one place. What they don’t realize is that movement is not only acceptable, it’s welcomed. Some of the greatest PUAs walk into sets, and they're constantly moving with purpose.

For example, a guru will walk from one side of the room to another to captivate a target. This builds in false takeaways, freeze outs, and punishment for bad behavior. He will point to what he talks about, and he'll place his hand on the targets' shoulders instead of keeping the bodies distant.

6. Slouching, or being hunched over
Poor posture is often associated with a lack of confidence and can reflect, or be presumed to reflect, a lack of engagement or interest. What it reflects: you are not alpha, you lack confidence.

Next time, try keeping your head up and your back straight. You can roll your shoulders back to get into good posture. When standing stationary, be sure to place your feet at shoulder width and lean back [to show higher value] or slightly forward [you will look far more interested, engaged, and enthusiastic]. Pull your shoulders slightly forward as well — you’ll appear more masculine. Your head and spine should be straight.

Don’t use a tabletop or podium as an excuse to lean on it.

7. Using phony gestures
This says you that you’re over-coached, unnatural, or artificial. Use gestures; just don’t over-do it.

Research has shown that gestures reflect complex thought patterns. Gestures will leave your target with the perception of confidence, competence, control, and congruency. But the minute you copy a hand gesture, you risk looking contrived — like a bad politician.

Remember, do not use hand gestures that you are unfamiliar with. Also, try not to copy anyone else's body language; instead, straighten up your body language and stay congruent throughout the social interaction.

8. Jingling coins, tapping fingers or feet, & other annoying movements or sounds
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unpolished, or insufficiently concerned with details. Use a video camera to tape yourself. Play it back with a crucial eye. Can you find annoying gestures that you weren’t aware of?

I once watched an author who had written a book on Pick Up. He couldn’t help but jingle the coins in his pocket throughout the entire talk - he certainly didn’t score points on the PUA scale.

Remember, nervous energy will reflect itself in toe-tapping, touching your face, or moving your leg up and down. It’s an easy fix..once you catch yourself in the act!

Dynamic and powerful body language will help you kick up the power of your pick up.

So be sure to work on your body language - pay as much attention to it as the words you use, and watch your game soar!

~h

"The Pick Up Artist, Season 2 Is a Go!" -Mystery, and Mehow's Ass Slap Group PureKino Routine

Check it out, a little after 5.5 minutes into the video:




And here's the Mehow PureKino Ass Slap routine:



~h

Finding and Using Specific Venues with Built-In DHVs

Today, I'm tumbling some generalizations about pickup through my head to see what I come up with. Large brush strokes. In this vein, a lot of things can be said.

Your success or failure with women has no bearing whatsoever on your value as a human being.

Massive repetition of social interaction is the only way to develop a noticeably improved social intelligence.

Game is, fundamentally, the expression of your inner state, conveyed through the rhythms you use to direct the energy of the interaction.

These are all valid and valuable insights. But I am drawn back to the over-arching truth about pickup, which is as follows:

Always be cooler than the girl.

In other words, when you're trying to attract and captivate a woman, it's always about VALUE. Are you someone who she could gain value from being with? Ultimately, this is the main factor in her decision whether or not to hop in the sack with you.

Of course, the idea of "value" is largely subjective, meaning it can take many, many different forms and mean different things to different people.

It was these realizations that led to the development of the tactic called the "display of higher value", or DHV.

As you're probably aware by now, you need to look at any given pickup as a PROCESS.

After you find a girl you want to get to know, the first step is to OPEN her. This is basically the act of approaching and initiating a conversation.

After that, you need to HOOK the set, and hook it FAST. After you open the set, you have a very short window in which to generate some attraction and hook it, or else you'll end up with an interaction that goes nowhere.

There are many, many different ways to build attraction FAST, as is necessary when you want to hook a set. Out of all of these, the display of higher value may be the most effective of all.

There are many ways to go about this. You might do it by being very commanding and sure of yourself, controlling and directing the conversation, and showing a high tolerance to social pressure.

You might say something that shows you're very knowledgeable about a particular subject. It could just come from the way you're dressed and the way you carry yourself.

No matter how you approach it, a display of higher value is almost guaranteed to get the girls looking at you in a favorable light, one conducive to getting you L-A-I-D.

Based on all this, it kind of goes without saying that I'm always looking for an angle to go all DHV on that ass.

It was with this in mind that I STUMBLED upon a magical discovery: some VENUES are actually engineered with displays of higher value BUILT-IN.

Yes, that's right. There are certain settings and places you can go that, by their very nature, ensure you will come off as someone with higher value, if you know how to work it right.

As I said, I stumbled upon this accidentally in my early stages of development in the game. If you didn't know, I'm a "fan" of the ART of KARAOKE.

I try to get out there whenever possible, for the pure entertainment value it provides. Over the years, I've gotten pretty good at it, not just the singing part, but the whole stage presence, how to work the crowd, etc.

I like this stuff, because for three and a half minutes at a time, I can pretend I have emotions. Which is cool. Sort of.

Anyway, I used to go there just to "sing" and watch others "sing" as well. But after I started getting involved in the game, I started looking out for chicks in the venue that I could practice on.

What I noticed wasn't really that surprising, but shook my head up nonetheless: after I got up and sang, girls would throw me approach invitations like it was nobody's business. Sets would open like a hot knife through butter. The chicks would literally have stars in their freakin' eyes.
It's crazy..it's like the karaoke casts a spell that magically obscures the fact that I'm just a semi-drunk dude looking to get laid.

One chick even told me after we had sex, "I had to sleep with you. You sang one of my favorite songs!"

I'm like, "Uhhh... ok...? This is your SELECTION CRITERIA?" Whatever!

The point of all this is: I had a pre-existing hobby which I happened to excel at, and I discovered that it dove-tailed nicely with my new interest in pick-up.

In other words, I had a venue that held, for me at least, a built-in DHV. A niche market.

I've since found that the karaoke bar is a perfect venue for "day2s", or second meets with the girl after I get her phone number. I'm socially-proofed there, there's little or no competition to speak of, and I get the opportunity to project higher value on myself through my karaoke craftsmanship.

Note, I never make a big deal out of it, like, "Oh, we HAVE to go to KARAOKE, I LOOVE IT!" If I were to do that, it would make it seem contrived, like I plotted and planned this whole thing to impress her.

Instead, I throw it out real casually, as though it's just an off-the-cuff idea I had for a fun date.

Sometimes, I'll just tell them the name of the bar and have them meet me there without letting on what it is. Before I go up, I always downplay it, saying how much I suck, etc.

I'm not suggesting you go to the karaoke bar here. This ain't no American Idol. What I definitely WOULD recommend is that you try to hunt down niche markets that work FOR YOU.

Let me throw out some other examples to give you some ideas to brainstorm off of:

Salsa or swing dancing. Not my thing personally, but many people, including one of my boys, are into this stuff. If you can dance, these events are a great, fun way to show some value while getting physical at the same time. From what I hear, people hook up at these things ALL THE TIME, which makes sense - dancing is equated to sex, especially in a woman's mind. Something to consider.

Sporting events in sports that you're good at. This could be a softball game with your friends in the park. Hell, it could even be bowling or miniature golf, which has definitely worked nicely for me as a day2. It doesn't necessarily have to be anything very "cool"..as long as you're displaying value in the context of the activity, it has the desired effect.

I mean, come on..karaoke? Not really that cool, but trust me..it works.

Another idea might be an art show, if you're really well-versed in the ins and outs of that scene.

You get the picture.

One thing to watch out for, though, make sure the venue or event isn't TOO NERDY.

One of my friends is a big fan of this "Pub Quiz". You know what this is, it's like trivia night at the pub, with teams competing for prizes. The problem here is, it's usually completely devoid of hot chicks. The same warning would apply to things like Star Trek conventions and the like. Use common sense.

Anyway, this is an incredibly powerful concept that every aspiring pick up artist should leverage to their advantage: niche markets.

~h

The Lost Art of Flirting: Go After the Girl, and Attract Her to Get Her Chasing You

Flirting - we were all masters in nursery school. But as we grow older, we lose our artistic flirting perfection. For a moment, let's look back: let's remember flirting in its most basic form.

You may recall being in nursery school or middle school and playing games, like "boys vs. girls".

That was the game where you ran around after girls trying to "get" them, and then they tried to "get" you; meanwhile, both pretended they didn't like the opposite sex. It was a game of popularity, stamina, and confusion that involved a lot of running around.

This game is flirting at its most basic and instinctual level.

In all honesty, flirting now isn't much different than it was then, in nursery school: you tease a girl to get her to chase you, then you chase after her, then you switch back and repeat over and over.

As long as you don't lose the momentum of the game, eventually she will want to be your girlfriend.

Realize that there is no secret number of games, negs/pebbles, hoops, tests, or DHVs to make love happen.

In fact, these things are just names for the little pieces of the overall process of flirting, which loop on and on until you have intense attraction. Let's take a look at how each of these common terms fit into the "boys vs. girls" analogy as well as the overall dating game:

Push/pull: The idea of flirting; a tit for a tat; the concept of "boys vs. girls"

Disqualifier: Teasing [pushing/shoving away, or making them run after you - this is the whole "bet you can't catch me!" part of the "boys vs. girls" game]

Negs/Pebbles: Another form of teasing

Qualifier: Complimenting [pulling, or slowing down so they can catch you - because if they never caught you, it wouldn't be much fun to play]

DHV: Showing that you are cool through actions, words, or presence; this is done at any time, but is especially important early on [you have to be worth running after]

Test: A trap she has set up to prevent you from catching her; this must be handled/answered correctly, or you are thrown out of the attraction loop

Hoop: A type of trap you need to avoid

If you use these this information to play the game correctly, you will enter a loop of pushing and pulling. This is in essence a flirting loop, and it creates intense attraction. As you continue the loop, it gets heated up; when the loop is hot enough, you have to pull the trigger and take your interaction to the next level.

Here's to helping to connect the pieces of the puzzle so that we can all see the big picture easier than those who came before us. Good luck, and see you in the field.

~h

A Quick Word on Body Language

Question: how's your body language?

Besides being able to escalate, I'd say the second most important factor in your game is body language.

Unless you carry a body-length mirror around with you, you're probably not aware of how you look to others.

Even if you're doing a certain technique properly, for example, spreading your arms out, or standing up straight, or leaning against a wall to look "cool", you may be doing it with the wrong energy.

You see, good body language is not about a specific stance or "look." It's about the energy behind it.

For example, you can stick your chest out because you want to look confident, or because you feel confident.

These two energies are opposites.

And women can pick up on your energy.

If you are trying to have good body language, I can almost guarantee that you don't.

In fact, the more effort you make to have good body language, the worse it will be - you will come across as nervous and self-conscious.

Women have finely-tuned radar to pick upon this, because it says way more about a guy than anything he could say with his mouth.

That's why real game is almost impossible to fake - women are wired to pick up on "fakery."

For thousands of years, women had too much at stake to be duped by an insecure guy trying to look confident. If they mated with the wrong guy, they were screwed - literally!

Body language is one of the hardest things to fix on your own, simply because you can't see yourself all the time.

Most guys have bad habits when it comes to their posture, movement, eye contact, and pace at which they move and talk.

And it's the culmination of all these physical expressions that give a woman an overall impression of who you are inside.

It's who you are inside that actually causes women to become attracted to you.

Sure a cool shirt, good looks, and other purely visual cues can help.

But ultimately it's how a man thinks that attracts women to him.

Women can tell where your attention is at. Not because they are mind readers. They are just extremely perceptive of men's non-verbal cues. So maybe she doesn't know exactly what your thoughts are..but she can tell if you're nervous.

And this conveys that you a) place her on a pedestal relative to yourself, and b) you want her approval.

This is very weak and unattractive to women.

Ask yourself this - have you ever been in a situation where someone was supposed to be in control - maybe an authority figure or someone who was supposed to be an "expert" - and this person was tense, fidgety, and spoke fast and quiet.

You probably lost a lot of respect for him or her, and didn't give a lot of credence to what they said.

Now for women, respect and attraction are almost synonymous. A woman can only be attracted to a man she respects.

In fact, the feeling you have for a man you respect is the same feeling a woman feels when she's attracted to a man, only she also feels a biological drive to have sex with him - there's a physical response added to this "respect."

So how do you get someone to respect you?

Well we all know guys who are complete morons, but they garner respect - people look to them as an authority or leader.

Why?

Because of their non-verbal cues.

You see, these non-verbal cues say things about the guy that you can't directly observe.

A guy with calm, confident bodylanguage, a loud, slow voice, and strong eye contact is in effect saying, "I know what I'm doing. I'm in control. You can relax and trust me to lead you."

Think about how powerful that message is to anybody - let alone to a woman.

Now there's good news and bad news.

The bad news - you can't fake it. Women can tell, because there will be one small behavior you're not aware of that will give you away.

Maybe you will jerk your head too fast, or lean over a little too much, or stand with your feet too close together [or too far apart!].

Yup, she can tell if you're over-compensating, or hiding yourself out of fear [nervousness].

And this says, "I don't know what I'm doing. You're more important than me. I'm trying to look confident because I want you to like me and GIVE ME SEX."

Bad bad bad.

And no matter how smooth your conversational skills are, you will fall flat.

This can lead to a lot of frustration with guys who have worked really hard to be great conversationalists, and have memorized all kinds of lines and techniques.

They are still hitting a brick wall and continuing to struggle, because they have bad body language.

In fact, having good conversation skills with bad body language will actually make things worse, because the woman will simply think you're really good at faking.

She won't trust you.

This accounts for a lot of the flaking that women do with men. They hear his smooth words, but see shaky body language, and immediately don't trust him.

You have to be congruent.

And this brings me to the good news - women always believe body language.

So if you really are confident and focused on the right stuff, your body language will naturally handle itself. And she will be attracted to you.

It's that easy: focus on the right stuff, and your body language will align accordingly. Then, she will infer what's going on inside you - your confidence, your attitude, and your energy, and she will instantly feel attraction.

It's the most important thing, because A POWERFUL FOCUS NATURALLY LEADS TO A GOOD STATE, AND THIS WILL LEAD TO ATTRACTIVE BEHAVIOR.

And this behavior will always be congruent - your whole being will be aligned - because it stems from your core, who you really are!

If you are hitting a brick wall, despite the fact that you've read all the pickup theory out there, and have hundreds of approaches under your belt, you most likely have a body language problem.

And this is grounded in a FOCUS PROBLEM; remember, relax, be confident, and focus on the right stuff.

~h

Approach Anxiety, and How to Overcome It

Just now, I was sitting at my desk going through a few emails from guys with one common enemy.

Approach anxiety.

What exactly is approach anxiety?

It's the fear that suddenly floods your entire body when you think it's time to approach a woman that you like. It also paralyzes you to the point where it's hard to be yourself.

This enemy has more control over you than you think.

It controls your thoughts, your emotions, your feelings..and it manipulates you and forces you to do things that you don't want to do.

It robs you of the experience of meeting more women whenever you like.

The bottom line is that it's a big barrier that's standing in between you and your dreams of becoming more successful with women and dating.

..and if you don't do anything about it, things could get really UGLY.

On the flip side, without it, you can have the luxury to meet any woman you desire, anytime you want.

You have to learn how to overcome this fear, or you'll be living as it's prisoner every single day of your single life.

And it's not going to be fun.

I was once a prisoner of this fear. It ruled my life, until I found a simple way to slaughter this ugly enemy, and start meeting women confidently.

I'm about to share with you an easy way to break free from approach anxiety.

The best way to beat approach anxiety is creating "Approaching Behavior" - you need to train your body how to respond to the fear and anxiety you'll feel when you want to approach a woman.

For example, when you see a woman you want to approach, instead of walking away and not doing anything, start breaking the habit and DO SOMETHING about it.

You don't have to get her number.

You don't have to make her like you.

..you just have to do something about it.

You've got to create Approaching behavior.

You've got to train your body to respond in a way that will move you towards getting the girl and away from the fear that controls you.

If you're just starting out and you have IMMENSE fear of approaching women, then here's what you should do.

Start small and take baby steps, my friend.

Guys often ask me "What's the biggest SECRET to getting good with women really fast?"

My answer is simple - instant action.

If you want immediate results in your dating life, then you're going to have to take ACTION. You won't get good sitting on your ass and reading my cool-as-shit blog.

You've got to take these techniques and turn it into results, and you can do that by taking action, trying this stuff out in the real world.

Ask yourself this: what did you do the last time you saw a woman you wanted to meet?

Here's a plan to follow to make sure it doesn't happen that way again. Next time you see a woman you'd like to meet, follow these basic steps:
1. Walk up to her
2. Ask her a question
3. Walk away

Try to make it a daily habit to approach attractive women. All of this might seem simple but it's a giant leap from living in fear to breaking out of your shell and becoming confident.

This is the first step to developing the proper Approaching behavior.

When you do this you'll realize how easy it is to approach women and start a conversation.

You'll have a feeling of relief.

You'll tell yourself, "Man, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be!"

And it will bring you one step closer to becoming a confident man who can meet any woman, anywhere, at any time.

A skill that 99% of men out there don't have.

Trust me, after you've developed this super cool ability to meet women on demand, every single guy you know will be jealous and curious - jealous of your results, and curious to know how you did it.

~h