Going Out Alone, Kinoescalation Tips, and Getting the Phone Number

I was taking a break from studying Micro, when I started thinking [a lot] about HBAmazon, whom I've been seeing at the most inopportune times lately, and finally had a perfect opening..if only I'd seen it [or rather, her] on Friday - and it [or rather, she] is obviously still on my mind.

And then, my roommate apparently couldn't not run into her today, studying near her at the library, and then ending up at the gym at the same time as her, too - and as luck would have it, he didn't take his cell phone with him the whole day, so he couldn't hit me up to let me know that all of this was going down..awesome



Anyways, I started thinking about how I need to close this [as in, I need to, and how to go about doing so], and these ideas started flying around in my head.

For example, we have exams coming up in 2 weeks..but most other terms don't. Am I going to have people to go out with? Should that even be an issue?

I personally kind of like going out alone. It's less hassle getting everything organized, you don't have to wait for your friends to get there, you don't have the distraction of standing around talking to your buddies, and it's a great feeling to leave your house alone and come back with a beautiful woman. It also makes approaching WAY easier because if you don't approach you're just standing around by yourself, which is not particularly fun.

When I first started going out alone, I always felt like EVERYONE in the bar knew I was there by myself and was judging me for it. So one night I decided to do an experiment. I went to a bar and stood in the middle of the bar by myself, not talking to anybody. I was fully expecting people to give me dirty looks or make comments, but nothing happened. Then the next night I went out alone again and this time did a bunch of approaches, I was sure every group was going to ask me where my friends were. And it never happened. Because people really don't care. The biggest hurdle to going out alone is getting over the feeling that people will think you're less cool for being out alone.

Ok so let's look at some things that can be done to fix that worry or fear.

1. Getting in the batter's box. This is something a buddy once said to me that has always stuck. He said the hardest part of going out alone is getting yourself going. I know how it is, you're sitting around your house debating with yourself about whether to go out or stay in. You list all the reasons for and against going out, flip through your phone looking for girls you could call to come over, etc.. But what if instead of that, you simply started to get ready. While you're debating with yourself, hop in the shower, or shave or pick out an outfit for that night. This will help get the ball rolling and then once you're clean, shaved, dressed etc..you'll feel like you have to go out.

2. Approach the first girl you see in the venue. Nothing kills your state when you're out alone faster than standing around with a drink in your hand. So instead as soon as you walk into the venue, start talking to the first girl you see. If there aren't any girls in the bar yet, then talk to the first guy you see. A lot of guys underestimate the power of being talkative. The more of a talkative mood you're in, the easier it will be to approach.

3. Set a certain number of approaches you HAVE to do. It doesn'thave to be overly ambitious, but make sure that you set a goal for the amount of approaches you have to do and don't let yourself go home until you complete them.

4. Establish a home base. This is one of the best and easiest things to do when you go out by yourself. A home base is where you're going to be when you are in between approaches. You don't want to be standing by yourself, so you make friends with either a group of girls you're not interested in gaming or a group of guys. Then you periodically check in with them throughout the night when you need a break or there aren't any girls you're interested in approaching.

Remember: going out alone is either normal or weird based on how YOU feel about it.

So now, let's say you're out and talking to a girl you're interested in. YOU MUST START TOUCHING ASAP!

It doesn't matter if you're not comfortable touching girls. That's fine, I was not a naturally touchy guy either.

So what I did was I came up with a simple structure to guide my touching. It went like this:

1. Playful touching - This is stuff like playfully shoving her, flicking her on the arm, patting her pompously, etc..this is the stuff that happens early on. With touching the earlier you do it, the more you will seem like a naturally touchy guy.

2. Hand touching - This is stuff like high-fives, thumb wars, playfully slapping her hand, and so on.

3. Arm in arm - This will happen as you're qualifying girls. She says something you like, you take her hand, place it on your arm and say "That's all you get". You can also do this when you're moving a girl by asking her if she's the romantic type and holding your arm out for her to link through.

4. Arm around - This is another reward type of touching. She says or does something you like, so you pull her in by her waist. There's an easy way to tell if she's attracted here, because she will put her arm back around you if she likes it.

5. Hand holding - The best way to hand-hold, is to suggest moving and then holding your hand back for her to grab.

6. Kissing - There's a variety of ways to kiss, but my soon-to-be favorite is what's called "The Almost Kiss". This is where in the middle of talking to her, you stop and say "I'm sorry, I'm having a really hard time talking to you, becauseI keep thinking about kissing you. But I understand we're not ready for that yet. So we're going to do an almost kiss. We're going to get really close, but you're not allowed to kiss me and I'm not allowed to kiss you. If you kiss me, it will ruin all trust in our relationship". Then you lean forward and get as close to her lips as you can without touching them. Then you push her away and go back to talking. 5-10 minutes later you can go back in for another almost kiss, at which point the girl will almost always kiss you.

The key with touching is that you have to act like it's the most normal thing in the world.

Ok, so now let's say things have progressed even better, and you need to get her number [i.e. no SNL in this case :-p].

Something to keep in mind: women give out their phone numbers all the time. The phone number isn't worth the paper it's written on, or the phone it's stored in. Sometimes women will even give you their phone number to get rid of you. This isn't the seventies when a phone number meant something. Every girl who has a cell phone, has caller ID..and she can pretty much avoid any guy she wants to, and guess what - she may want to avoid you.

The major mistake most guys make here, is not setting up a date. Getting phone numbers and agreeing to "see each other again sometime" are stairways to heaven. Instead what you want to do is suggest an activity at a specific time and place that you guys can do together. This could be as simple as mentioning how you're going to a comedy show this Thursday early in the conversation, and then bringing it up again and inviting her when you want to get her phone number. By making her commit to a certain time and place, you will see if she's actually interested or if she's just being polite. For example, this way she can say "I'm sorry I'm busy that night..", and if she doesn't suggest alternative plans, you know you have a potential flake on your hands.

Now there are a few other mistakes guys commonly make, as well. First is waiting too long to call her. On a cold approach, you want to call the very next day. The reason being, she doesn't have a whole lot invested in you, unlike a guy in her social circle, whom she'll have to see again.

Then there's waiting an ungodly amount of time to follow up if/when she doesn't call you back. Forget all the "3-day rules" and "5-day rules" you hear about; you want to keep following up every day or other day until you either get her on the phone, or you get distracted by all the other girls you have in the pipeline. You do have other girls in the pipeline, right?

Remember, this is the real world, and not every girl that you think you have a connection with is going to call you back.

The solution is to go out [alone if need be] and meet more women.

~h

What NOT to Say on the Phone

http://view.break.com/527579 - Watch more free videos

~h

Inside the Mind of a Hot, Yet Insecure, Girl

Have you ever been played hard by a girl..?

Today, let’s take a journey into the mind of a hot but deeply insecure girl to see what’s going on and how she games the men in her life.

The hot girl in question is a composite of a few girls I’ve known, and we’ll call her "Sarah". Every girl has a little bit of Sarah in them - this composite we’re drawing is simply the most extreme iteration of it.

Here’s the backstory, taken from my experiences with the girls:

I met her at a cool, semi-exclusive bar while she was on a date; she and her date were seated nearby us at a large communal table, and it was clear that she wasn’t madly in love with the guy, despite his fawning over her.

Interesting challenge..

A few weeks and much flakiness later, she came to one of my parties. We dated for about a week and a half afterwards, but it didn’t take long to figure out that it wasn’t going anywhere. She’s 21, has various addictions I’d never accept in a girlfriend, and parties way too much. That’d be fine and we could have still had something basic if the physical connection was good, but it wasn’t.

Sexual tension resolved, we transitioned into being friends, and these days she is something of a surrogate little sister. It's adorable - she’ll come by my place, bounce around like a pinball, and effervesce about the drama and excitement in her life.

Sarah is a smart girl - far more intelligent than she initially appears. She plays the ditzy little girl role with aplomb, and half of my friends still refuse to believe that her IQ could possibly break the triple digit barrier. But when it comes to men, she knows exactly what she’s doing.

In the months we’ve been friends, I’ve seen her destroy several guys, and I watch her keeping a steady flow of prospects in the pipeline. The guys she dates are good looking, successful, and usually, they fall hard.

I believe that deep down Sarah is also a good girl who wants to find a deeper happiness than her life today gives her, but as it stands, I’d hate for one of my friends to get caught up with a girl like her. And should you ever find yourself in a situation with a Sarah of your own, it's only fair that you understand exactly what’s going on.

Personally, I’ve dated two girls like her before, and was in a wickedly hurtful relationship with one of them. Let’s see if we can get into Sarah’s head.

The first thing you have to know about her existence is that it is fairly shallow. Moment to moment, she seeks constant emotional and physical stimulation in the form of drugs, sex, cigarettes, text flirting with guys, etc. And unlike most of us, she’s able to get away with this because, well, she’s a hot 21 year old in a big city who knows how to play the game.

Sarah also likes to party. She’s out two to four nights a weeks, sometimes hitting multiple clubs at once, and she’s always at the best and hottest new club. Promoters love her because she rarely brings guys along, and has a great personality; fun, ditzy, playful, giggly - everything you want in a girl when you’re out at a club.

But when she meets a guy in whom she’s interested, her demeanor changes instantly. First, her voice softens up to something akin to a baby’s cooing and her eyes become doe-like. The innocence comes across as capitulation, and flips a big switch in a man - his desire to take care of a woman.

But she also knows how to turn on the sexy..with a narrowing of the eyes, a crossing of the legs, a little bite of the lip - and she’s attractive enough that few men are going to turn her down. I’ve watched her do it to four randoms in clubs, as well as a friend of mine just to prove to me that she could.

This 1-2-3 combo results in paralyzing crushes: fun wild social girl to fawning little bunny to sexual mistress.

She goes after bankers and traders whenever possible. It is important for her ego that the men she’s dating have certain qualifications.

And as she starts dating a man, she’s full of push-pull. One morning she’s in his kitchen, wearing his oxford shirt and cooking breakfast for him. She tells him she’ll see him later that night, then flakes out and heads to a club with me where we’ll dance the night away.

The guy starts texting her, “Baby, where are you?” The next morning, she meekly apologizes, shows up for sex, and pulls the guy deeper into thinking that if he tries just a little bit harder, she’ll change for him.

And this is the genius [mad or otherwise] in how she handles a man. She is incredibly compliant and giving when she’s with him, to the point he thinks he “has her”. She is very emotional and “falls in love” quickly; temporary as it may be, the guy starts to believe it, too. Her emotions are like a hurricane: as soon as they come, they can also be gone.

And a guy wants to believe that he’s going to be the one who tames her, that she’ll be his domestic Debbie. Then, once she’s felt that the guy has invested enough into her [and critically, ONLY then], she’ll disappear.

And here’s the funny part - it works best on the guys with huge egos. The most successful, the best-looking, the ones who eat women for breakfast. She’s sexy enough that she can make them work hard to get her [fancy meals, tables and bottles, whatever she wants, really], and once they’ve invested enough and then “won”, it becomes part of their ego that they’re dating the girl who everyone else wants but who no one can have.

The moment she pulls away, that massive ego begins to lurch. I’ve watch guys cancel travel plans, leave work early, and go into debt trying to pull this girl back into their world.

Does this lead to good relationships? Absolutely not - it results in fights, guys showing up at her house [and mine] yelling in the street for her, and lots of bad feelings. But it works for her for two reasons:

First, all the drama is essentially emotional stimulation. Whether she’s feeling really good and excited about a guy, or whether he’s blowing up her Blackberry with pleas and grievances, it is making her life interesting.

Secondly, while she is an intelligent girl, she has some very deep issues. Insecurities she’s not comfortable sharing with a guy with whom she’s romantically involved. She knows [instinctively] that if she truly opens herself up in that way, she’s putting herself in a position to be hurt. And she’s so insecure about who she really is that she’s just not going to let a guy who’s fucking her have that kind of power over her.

What’s the lesson here for us guys?

Well, most importantly, do your homework and follow your instincts. A key concept in attraction is investment: the more you invest in something, the more of an emotional attachment you develop for it.

And falling in love with Sarah is kind of like buying stock in a promising but volatile tech company - if it is a hot thing that is poised to take off and generate massive returns, you might get emotionally invested, and fail to get out when you should. Every now and then, the company puts out a press release with incredibly good news, but since you’ve never met management, you don’t know if it's accurate. And believe me, if a man is dealing with Sarah on a superficial or ego basis, he definitely hasn’t met management.

Perhaps you started dating a girl and had people who knew her tell you to “watch out for her”, but you defended her and said “no, I know her in a way that other people don’t” or something equally silly. Well, management is hidden away in the board room and letting the PR and customer service people do the talking, and you bought into the lines they’re feeding you.

What else? Don’t let your ego get caught up in determining whether she’d be a good girl for you. Sarah has great people in her life who are looking out for her, and just because you’re fucking her doesn’t mean it's your responsibility to save her.

Yes, if she sees your interest waning, she’ll work hard to get it back. But if you’re getting any signs that your girl is half-heartedly committed, that her insecurities and/or abilities with men are driving her to seek constant stimulation, then you just have to keep your eyes open - one day, when she’s had enough partying, she’ll find a solid man and latch on tight, and there will be no doubt in his mind [or hers] that she’s in it to win it.

But until then, if there’s smoke, there’s probably fire.

The things that drive Sarah are present in everyone’s head. When you’re looking for a girlfriend, it's important to be able to see her for who she really is.

I’ve been in relationships with girls who I thought were loving, honest people. Something went wrong, then all of a sudden I’m seeing parts of Sarah come out. The girl is pushing me, pulling me, and I’m telling myself “wait, this isn’t who she is! She’s the girl I was dating a few months ago..I just need to bring that back out of her”.

Problem is, because her perception of me and the role that I play in her life changed, the person who she is when she’s dating me changed, too.

Lessons learned.

And hey - if you know yourself and who you are, you know what you’ll accept, what you won’t, and you’ll be able to give yourself fully in love when the right girl comes along.

~h

Phone Game

The most important thing about gaming on the phone is: MAKE SURE SHE'S COMFORTABLE AND LIKES TALKING TO YOU ON THE PHONE. Based on this and/or to best achieve this, you need to try to shoot for a phone conversation of 10 minutes, or more.

I talked to HBBlondeBlackModel on the phone, on the 2nd try. I called earlier in the day, after talking to 2 of my chicks 1) to keep things going/re-initiate our interactions, and 2) to get into a good, talkative, chill mood - no pressure to talk to HBBBM, right?

So I hit up HBJewelryStore and an HB from the grocery store whom I'd #-closed and been texting/calling on and off since last term..both of whom have a boyfriend, too - but when you've got tyyyte game, it simply doesn't matter.

So I got into state and hit up HBBBM. And I got nothing. So I figured I'd get back to work, and during my breaks, I'd make sure to make up a good phone-script, since I wouldn't have the mood-booster at work for me now.

And here's what I came up with:

"oh!! before i forget, i can't stay too long - i've got a lot of work to catch up on. I just got off the phone with my EX-gf, she's a part-time model here in Grenada, she called me up to interview me for a public speaking class or something. She's speaking about modeling, and so she told me she wanted to get as much info on the topic as possible. She did some research, but she told me that she thought the best source was me, since i had done it for a number of years before i came down here for school. So she was asking about the good things and bad things, requirements for certain situations, what it was like modeling with some of the big-name celebrities that i've worked with, some of the different nuances in print versus ramp work, etc. Next thing i knew, we'd been on the phone for a little while, and it just sucks because i like helping out others, especially those people i'm close with. And with her, 1 thing that i always admired was that she would turn to me if and when she ever needed anything, you know? She'd never hesitate to text me or call me, just to even wish me a good night or something. And she was always straight-up and honest about it, about EVERYthing! haa a couple of the qualities i really liked about her when we were together. So yea, i'm not going to be able to stay on too long, because i'm a little behind, and with mid-terms coming up soon, i need to stay on top of things!"

"So tell me something: are you adventurous? Are you spontaneous? Ok, so tell me this: what do you like to do for fun?" --> reward her for her effort, no matter what her answer

reward: Comfort story - "I've always wanted to be able to cook..you know that kind of feeling, where you really want to do something, but sometimes you feel as though it might be too late, or there's never enough time, but you still want to do it?? Especially for me, where my mom is a big cooking-expert, she's even written and published her OWN cookbook!! And her dad, my grandfather, was supposedly an even bigger and better cook than she is! It's actually really crazy, because on my mom's side of the family, a lot of them believe that i am, in fact, my grandfather's spirit re-incarnated. Talk about feeling the pressure!! But, that's a story for another time..so anyways, finally this term i decided it was time to work at this whole cooking ambition of mine, especially because last term i had some bad experiences where i ran out of food, or i didn't have the money, or it was late, whatever..i felt so helpless, and i didn't want to be dependent on outside sources to take care of me anymore, by having some galfriends of mine be cooking for me and all. I love a woman who takes care of me, but i'm still an independent type of guy, you know? Plus, let's be honest, the food here isn't always the healthiest! So i made it a goal of mine to start cooking so i can be more independent when it comes to that, especially since i eat so much, like 5-7 times a day!! God, I always feel soo hungry! You know? Sheesh! So i told my roommate to help me out with this, because he cooks [of course, because he's italian - didn't like half the popular dishes come from italy?? haa], and since i'm always looking out for him and getting his back, he was excited to be able to help me out for a quick change. So i watched him do his thing, took mental notes, asked him questions when he'd cook for himself/us, and i started to get the hang of it..or so i thought. You know what i'm saying? You get that feeling, where it's like "yes, i get it now! It's all coming together!" And you get excited and can't wait to try it out for yourself, and you already feel like you can take on the world, it's so easy, i know how to do it now. So i tried to cook on my own a couple of times, and..yea..definitely was bad - not quite a disaster, but close! BUT..i didn't burn down the place, and that's what matters, right?? Haa I felt so bad, though, because i'd been soo excited, and i thought i could do it, and i felt like i was following everything like i was supposed to, but i still messed it up. You know that feeling? Where you're just feeling hopeless, like nothing's going right, you're never going to be able to get this going, you just..can't..do it! Every time i tried, and failed, i felt this way. Each time i'd get my hopes up and tell myself "it'll be different this time..", and each time something, or everything, went wrong. {sigh} But i kept at it, and i was like, "whatever, you got this" and despite these initial setbacks at the beginning, i stuck with it, and over the past month or so, i can cook myself full-chicken dinners..and chicken breasts with veggies or rice..and spaghetti-and-sauce..and bacon-and-egg bagel-sandwiches..as well as easier stuff like chicken sandwiches and turkey sandwiches..peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches haa..cereal-and-milk..hahaa etc. I haven't stopped with it, either, it's just stuck because with midterms coming up, i can't spend as much time trying to experiment with new stuff as much as i've grown to enjoy doing..man, it's soo crazy, the other night, my roommate was asking me what I'D cooked that smelled so damn good!! Such an awesome feeling, you know? To work at this stuff, knowing what you want to do..working at it..failing at it..then failing MISERABLY at it haa..but then getting the small taste of success here and there..and then cooking as if you bought it from some restaurant or something..and then to have my roommate, who showed ME how to get going, ask ME what I'D done to make my dinner..oh man, such an awesome feeling!! And now, even my MOM is on me, to cook for HER when i get home for the summer..it's just..CRAZY!! Just so crazy..you know what i mean??? --> [what is it like for you? how'd you get into the cooking scene??]

"so what's your story? Born and raised in Grenada..?" etc

"man it's so crazy - we have so much to talk about!"
[vs.]
"man it's so crazy - i feel so comfortable around you, it's like we've known each other forEVER!"

{plant the seed: "i need to go to the mall/grocery store either _____ or _____" --> see if she suggests anything}

[STALL ---> DHV story, then "hold on..i've got an int'l call, i need to take this..i'll call you back (later)"]

This was the rough outline, to ensure that there was always something to talk about, as well as covering the points that I felt like I needed to do, i.e. cycling through A2 [quick DHV-laced Time Constraint], A3 [Qualify!! BHRR], and C1 [show vulnerabilities/chinks in the armor + build Rapport].

I hit her up again later in the evening, and she explained to me that she was just heading back home after being on the beach for an unexpected photo shoot. Which transitioned perfectly into my DHV-laced time constraint. So I went right into it, and it's funny, because even the hints at the frames that I have in there [she'd turn to me when she needed me; she'd go out of her way to contact me via text or call, even to just wish me good-night; she was always honest about everything; etc], she picked up on them. She even commented on some of them, like how I must have made her feel, so close and comfortable, that she could turn to me for anything, etc.

Awesome.

The reason I want to do this, personally, is since she does not go to my school, and I already won't see her that often [crazy schedule: Mon-Sat, 3pm-11pm], so if she starts to see me in the boyfriend-like light, then it'll solidify me in there despite her not actually being around me that much. And this should, in turn, keep her invested in me and loyal to me.

So I went with Savoy's modified BHRR model, with the Rapport questions at the end. She told me she is adventurous, definitely very spontaneous, and although she doesn't get much free time, she really enjoys sports. Water sports. And that's despite the fact that there's not all that much water-sports stuff to even do here. But she enjoys being around the water, on the beach, etc, doing things -> might be a good thing to remember, say, sometime we go to the beach together, possibly a secluded area I know about near the airport [HBNeedyLocal"GF" took me there a couple of times].

I rewarded her for her answer, telling her how that's soo awesome, and I would love to do that kind of stuff, and that makes her soo cool, especially because most girls aren't into that kind of thing. Blahblahblah. I also tied into my response the idea that I'd totally seen her as that, i.e. as though I'd done a mini-cold read on her, of which she was completely unaware, and I'd just known that she had some kind of attraction to the water and water sports, etc. And she accepted it. Push your limits, especially about what you believe you can get away with - here, I got "extra [comfort] credit" because it seems to her now that I really did know that she loves water-related activities, and thus I must know her pretty damn well. Works for me! :-D

Then I [awkwardly, I admit - I was searching for any possible tangents to go on based off of what her responses had been] transitioned into the "comfort" story I'd come up with just a little while before I'd called. She's a chef-in-training, so I knew it would be something she could relate to and at the very least talk about. Good call. She'd jump in every now and then to give her input or whatever, and at first I'd try to just plow through, but some points she'd really get stuck on, trying to get her piece in, and so I allowed it. And then I realized that that was the point of it! I was supposed to be getting this to be more of a dialogue about cooking or whatever, not a monologue. And I'm glad I did, because it served nicely to bait her into a future projection, which she took and ran with, so I was able to really nicely gauge exactly how she feels about seeing each other again, real soon - even though it requires her to grocery shop for me..that's right, not with me, but for me.

So I'd let her add her expertise whenever it seemed like she couldn't contain herself, and once I'd finished, I let her go on and on for a little bit, knowing that this was adding to the comfort time [since we won't see each other physically that much, I'm going to need to make the most of the time on the phone to ensure she's completely comfortable with me, so that when we hang out and all, there will be no comfort-building needed and minimal time wasted doing non-physical stuff when we're on a time limit for the physical side of things] as well as allowing her to genuinely feel more of a connection with me [and again, reinforcing the idea that we are so comfortable with each other already that, when the time comes and we're face-to-face, we won't have to do any serious comfort-building then].

Somehow we got to talking about ambitions and stuff. I think it was because we got a little side-tracked/stalled in the whole talk sparking from my little story - she ended up telling me all kinds of things, then I asked her how she'd gotten into the whole cooking scene herself, and she told me some pretty deep things [the way she started her response told me it wasn't stuff she normally talks about, and is definitely guarded information, and the more she talked about it with me, the more she opened up and regained her composure/confidence in discussing those things]. So this turned out to be really good, too, because it actually worked into a bigger piece of bait, but like for comfort. So that she was in a position to reciprocate comfort-building material/responses because I'd given her such a long-winded interactive one. And she gave me a brief but nice rundown of her history.

Which I rewarded by telling her that's really impressive, and how amazed and impressed I am, and other "synonyms" for impressed [meaning, pretending like I was using a different word, when in fact, I was still using "impressed"] - so I just made it come off as though I was soo impressed that I couldn't even think of what else to say..and this was covered by me leading the conversation into this discussion about "that's soo rare, especially down here, I've noticed that blahblahblah people don't have much ambition or drive to do anything blahblahblah there's not much opportunity as it is, but even for those that have it, most of them just blow it because they don't take it seriously but rather just squander away their chances blahblahblah especially when there are people like you who have big plans and are just waiting for a chance, an opportunity to do something etc etc", with a lot of back-and-forth exchange of ideas..most of which eventually became us agreeing with each other -> remember: it is infinitely times better to have her agreeing with you VS. you agreeing with her..which is what I did, of course ;-)

So much so that when I realized it had lost its momentum, I needed to cut the thread and move on [need to pay attention to this more often - who know if/when this has happened before, and I missed it]. So I told her something like

h: "yeah, we're so much on the same page that we're just agreeing with each other now, I'm saying what you're saying, you're saying what I'm saying, we're saying the same damn thing!" HBBBM: "hahaha Yeaaa"
h: "Man, it's soo crazy - we have so much to talk about!
HBBBM: "Yeah!"
h: "I just feel soo comfortable around you, talking to you .. it's like we've known each other forEVER!" [notice the frame thrown out - we've known each other forever]
HBBBM: "Yeah, but I'm sure you talk this way, are this way with everyone you meet.." [resisting the frame/asking me to qualify myself]
h: "Yea, I am a cool person and easy to get along with [turning around the frame, into a compliment rather than a qualification bait] .. but still, how long have we known each other? We've talked like, what..3 times??
HBBBM: "..yeaah.."
h: "Maybe 2 times .. crazy! I don't go around meeting people and telling them my deep dark secrets [frame: I've told you secrets, therefore I must trust you].."
HBBBM: "hahaha" [frame accepted]
h: "..like hey, what's up, I'm Hrithik, I almost burned down my place when I cooked..nice to meet you!"
HBBBM: "hahaha" [no more resistance/compliance, therefore previous frame also accepted - it's like we've known each other forever..this is now true, because she acknowledged it and did not resist it but rather laughed at the joke that I made from within the frame]

It was at the beginning of me rewarding her that she tried to say something about the gym, because I'd talked to 1 of my friends about this whole ambition thing - at the gym last night, so she was using it to transition into that [the other, by the way, was actually the HB from the grocery store whom I'd talked to on the phone earlier]. But, I held onto the frame [I was leading the conversation, and I was talking at the moment, therefore, we will talk about what I'm talking about].

Especially because I knew that to make sure that she felt there was a serious connection, and that I didn't want to simply bang her and bounce, she needed to know that there were things about her that I like, not just like looking at. And I was trying to work in a major one there, while she was inadvertently attempting to change the subject [albeit, to impress me further, with more qualification of herself .. see 2-3 paragraphs below]. -> Remember, it is VERY IMPORTANT to reward her in A3 [i.e. hit on her, for non-physical traits], because otherwise, she will feel like you are either not interested or that she cannot live up to your expectations/standards - either way, you will lose her. Basically, you have to let her know at some point, somehow, some way, that you do, in fact, like her, for who she is as a person. And you reward her efforts..it is not necessarily the actual response but rather the act of responding that is rewarded.

Not everything was as near-perfect as it seems. There were a couple of points in the conversation where she told me to hold on because: 1) she had another call [but she never answered it..I think she just checked to see who it was, or maybe it was her other phone and she answered, but came right back to me], and 2) whoever the guys were with whom she was riding [either on the local bus, or British-accented dudes giving her a ride] seemed to be lost or something, so she was trying to figure out where they were trying to go. But then she'd come right back each time. The first time, she actually interrupted herself, not me.

The best part for me, solidifying that everything had gone really well, was that I told her I needed to get going, I had a few more calls to make, to my parents and stuff .. and she told me, completely unprompted, to "call me again whenever you can, anytime during the mornings, because I'm totally free then" [i.e. waiting on me - nice!], except she's going to try to start going to the gym..since this was like the 2nd time chronologically-speaking in the conversation [because she tried to throw it in 2-3 times when she was interrupting earlier] that she mentioned this, I stayed on for a bit longer to let her get it out there - she's obviously trying to impress/qualify herself to me, that she's getting back into "gymming" [her word, not mine - I teased her for a minute on it, too]. Especially because I knew I still had the phone interrupt ready to drop at any moment.

Then she told me a little more about her modeling gig, and how that had all come about, and hence her reason for "gymming" again - she had been chosen, very last-minute, to compete in this contest for a magazine from Barbados, and for that, she wanted to make sure to tighten up all her soft spots [none of which I saw, but we should know that much about women by now - there's always something they're self-conscious about].

After like a minute of that, I cut her off with the whole "oh, hold on hold on {she waited}, then I got back on and told her that it was an international call, and I needed to take it {"Oh yea yea, that's fine, cool, go ahead and do that"}, so I'd hit her up later on sometime this week {"Yeah, definitely, yeah hit me up!"}.

One thing I'm still working on at this point [although I nailed it with HBBlondeBlackModel], in all interactions but especially on the phone, is to GET OFF FIRST - say bye first, etc. If she beats me to it, just hang up. I have a habit of drawing out the good-byes, and I don't like it. I've gotten it from my family [read: mom] as well as my girlfriend, and it definitely has not helped whatever innate neediness I [would] have when getting off the phone with a certifiable hottie, i.e. HBTyra, a girl whom I gamed at the gym back home 2 summers ago, who looks exactly like a young Tyra Banks - who I happen to simply be madly in love with and still to this day cannot believe how Chris Webber fucked up his engagement with..imagine, going to the beach with this:




..or imagine, coming home to this:



Uh......yea......umm......sSsOoOo......oh! Right, so yea, the other thing I'm still working on: the recognition, classification, and best-way handling of frames, in real-time.

~h

Random Dating "Advice"

I was taking a break from my work and checked my email real quick, then decided to browse around on the MSN page that I ended up on after logging out. And this article caught my attention, and I knew I had to check it out:

Texting etiquette, explained
So, in this piece, the author provides a few tips on what is/not acceptable when it comes to texting, in order to provide some "aid in cultivating some warm-and-fuzzy feelings between you and your intended"..

"Do text on noteworthy occasions. Texts are a great way to let the object of your affections know that he or she is on your mind—especially when a response isn’t really required. “One text-worthy occasion is the morning after a great date,” says Regina Lynn, author of The Sexual Revolution 2.0. “A note saying ‘I had a great time last night’ or ‘Thinking of you’ is less intrusive than a phone call but very sweet.” Other prime texting times would be if your date has mentioned an important upcoming meeting or event. Sending a quick “Good luck at your meeting; you’ll do great!” beforehand or a “Hope your interview went well—looking forward to hearing about it” afterward are the equivalent of little love darts into your date’s heart. Keep ’em coming!"

Agreed. I think texts are a really great and yet very simple way to keep the spark going with your girl [regardless of what stage you're at, but definitely if you are still in the initial stages, i.e. just met, dating, etc .. or, in The Mystery Method, anywhere from A2 to the Comfort stages]. Especially with a follow-up text like was suggested here, or something to reference future-projections or demonstrate the fact that you were listening when she was talking to you from a previous conversation. The idea is to not only initiate and continue contact with the girl, but on a deeper level, to become a part of her daily life - that's the goal here.

"Don’t text when a phone call would be better. Though it can get addictive, having endless and lengthy text conversations in place of voice-to-voice action is a bad idea. Why? It’s all about making that human connection. “Texting is OK for simple exchanges of information — meet me here, see you there — but I want to hear my girl say hi,” notes Adam Dreyfus, 37, of New Canaan, CT. “I was dating a woman who texted me all the time, but it wasn’t the same as being at work, stressed out and behind schedule, then hearing the phone ring and hearing her voice. Just a simple ‘hi’ can make everything right in the universe.” So if it’s been a number of days since you’ve spoken to each other, consider picking up the phone to remind your sweetie what you sound like. Also keep in mind that texting can often be more cumbersome and time-consuming than a phone call, so before you compose your text, ask yourself: Would a phone allow us to hash out our plans more quickly? If so, save yourself (and your date) the trouble and use the phone."

This is another solid point. I find that it can become almost a habit of simply texting, which is really cool to keep things light and comfortable by not calling and hounding [since society's teachings lead us to follow silly rules, like the 3 Day rule, or other such things that can cause feelings of discomfort if you call too soon/often but can also cause you to lose the girl if you don't call soon/often enough..it's great to be the ones for whom these stereotypes and "rules" were created, simply to keep us in line]. Basically, texting creates really quickly the rapport you aim to have through phone calls, especially if implemented in a way that I suggested in the earlier point. However, whatever Attraction and rapport/Comfort she feels, it must be directed towards you rather than towards random words on her phone. Otherwise, when you meet next, it can very easily be an awkward situation, since the Comfort levels are not associated with the physical entity of you, due to her being detached. By talking on the phone, it makes you more "real" in terms of existence.

"Do flirt with caution. Nothing can break up a mundane work day better than a few texted sweet nothings… but if you’re thinking of steaming things up, proceed with caution. It’s all too easy to risk offending the recipient with a message that’s a little too titillating, too soon. “You shouldn’t start with porn words. Some people who can get really creative in bed still do not want to see certain words on their phones,” warns Lynn. “I would begin with some general flirting — I want to kiss you — and see what they say back.” If the person responds in kind and even escalates (questions like “What else did you like about last night?” are an obvious welcome sign), feel free to up the ante, slightly, with racier confessions. In short, before you dig into full-on dirty talk, you should pave the way with numerous texts that make it clear this is the direction you’re going and that the recipient is fine hearing them."

See, I don't know about this tip here. I've found that the quicker you escalate things, the better off it is [especially for later]. And, I've also found that it's easier to escalate quickly through text, simply because it is completely "casual" and already has the connotation of flirting/messing around built-in, so there's no sense of responsibility or consequence; then, with the increasing levels of rapport and Comfort, it makes it that much more normal to be "titillating", since you're both comfortable with each other. The feeling here should be that of you both going way back, so it's perfectly natural to be talking to each other this way. One thing that obviously helps this is making sure to have been initiating this kind of talk from the very beginning, so that she knows to expect that from you and can allow herself to be less inhibited about her own thoughts and feelings [let's be honest here: girls want sex just as much as guys].

"Don’t text at odd hours. Just as you wouldn’t call at all hours of the night, nor should you text then, either. “Always be sensitive to what the person is likely to be doing,” says Lynn. “For example, don’t text before 10 a.m. unless you know for sure he or she gets up early and enjoy mornings. Don’t text after 10 p.m.” Not only could you wake the person up (cell phones still ring when they receive a text), but even if your date's cell is turned off, he or she can still see you texted at 3 a.m.—and that makes you look inconsiderate, needy, or just plain weird."

Another point at which I don't agree..at all. The difference between calling and texting is that whatever message you wanted to convey, the 3am-text will get it to her with much less [if any] signs of neediness/clinginess than the 3am-voicemail would: a text is a very low-investment means of communication [plus, considering the content of it, it could be used/seen as a DHV - you're out at a party or having a blast with friends doing ____, etc]. As long as the message content isn't weird or needy [i.e. "I-I miss you.."], the actual time of the text has little to no bearing on the situation.

"Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say in person. Hiding behind your phone is a sure fire way to start a new relationship out on the wrong foot—especially if what you’re trying to avoid saying in person is important. “I once dated this guy who chose to text me about having an STD,” recalls Sharlene Smithers, 32. “I wasn’t as bothered by the STD so much as I was bothered that he texted me about it. It felt like a cowardly way out, and it left me wondering what else he was incapable of communicating to me.” It’s best to save texting for fun and flirty notes or where-to-meet-what-time type of plans. Save heavy conversations and first “I love you’s” for face-to-face chats."

Okay, this falls into both "agree" and "disagree" categories. Basically, I see it like this: to a certain degree, you can say just about whatever you want in a text. However, there are what I would think to be obvious, common-sense things that you don't try to convey through a text but rather need to address in person [such as the STD issue mentioned by the girl in the article].

"Don’t text if you’re tipsy. This one’s kind of obvious, but just about everyone does it so it bears repeating: Do not text someone when you’re nearly-falling-off-your-bar-stool drunk. “I was dating this guy who would send me drunken booty call texts when he went out with his boys,” recalls Erin Street, 30. “I’d get them in rapid succession, starting with, ‘r u coming over?’ And then if I didn’t respond he’d say, ‘r u on yr way?’ When I talked to him the next day, he didn’t even remember sending them. We laughed about it later, but in the beginning of our relationship, I found it way too forward.” So take note: If you’re soused enough that the numbers on your touch pad are swimming, your judgment’s probably impaired enough that you’ll regret whatever you’re about to text. Go home and go to sleep. If whatever you wanted to say is that important, you’ll remember it and can text away tomorrow."

This one does seem to be pretty obvious; however, as much as the author simplifies this down, I think it's not that basic, and it goes back to the 2 factors I mentioned earlier [the level of Comfort you've built with the girl as well as if/how early you'd initiated this kind of joking/flirting talk into your interactions] - sending a text in the middle of the night, talking about a booty call, etc, can be just fine if talking like that is congruent with your interactions. Notice in the above, if this girl found his comments to be offensive, then there wouldn't have been a "later" when the two of them "laughed about it" - it wasn't the comments themselves that were "too forward" for her but rather the fact that they were coming from this guy, who obviously had not demonstrated this to be a part of his natural way-of-being.

Alright, back to studying..for now..

~h

Hmm..I Need to Sleep More: My Body = a Teenager's

I've realized [yet again] that I need much more sleep than I'm getting, especially these days, especially because of that big quiz on Monday [that weekend, I definitely lost more sleep than usual] - I literally was thiiiis close to falling asleep when I was on the phone with my gf last night..and obviously I didn't finish my post, so here's the rest of it:

HBAlienFace simply could not stop watching me. The thing with her is, I can't "figure out" if she wants me to game her. Here's why I say this: obviously, she wants me - who doesn't want Hrithik?? And more objectively, there've been many signs of passive [and some direct] IOIs from her to me, as well as AIs. But, she's playing the whole "too-cool" role, I guess as a means to protect her own ego..?? Since every time I don't open/game her, she's feeling a little rejected [due to me "rejecting" her AIs and the acknowledgement of her IOIs]. Oh, well, make a note of it and move on [because nothing of any real significance happened]..

After a bit longer, the bus arrives, and I get on. I look around and scope the bus: some chick in the front, a cute Indian-Caribbean girl [I can just know she's Caribbean] who's on the her cell phone, and some random dude in the very back. About a minute after I've sat down [the row in front of the Indian-Caribbean girl, henceforth HBIndian-Caribbean], I'm off the phone with my gf and look back - HBI-C is looking at me, so I smile..she looks away, then begins to turn back [realizing that yes, I did catch her looking at me, but I smiled at her instead of blowing her off]. So, I'm sitting there, just chilling, and I realize that she's off the phone, too. I think of whether I even want to open her, and I realize that she's saying something..to me..oops! So, I make her say it a couple more times, to make her really earn my attention [and see how much effort she's willing to put into opening me], and she really earns it: by the 3rd time, she's leaning across her 2-seat spot, her neck and head twisted around the back of the seat next to me, and her hand reaching out in an effort to catch my eye..I think 'she passed', and turn around.

h - {looking at her like "..yes..?"}
HBI-C - "I just wanted to tell you that I really like your ring.."
h - {No, you don't, trick - it's because you're attracted to me!} "Oh..?"
HBI-C - "Yeah, I really like it..I like the design..those kinds of designs.."

..and the game has begun..this is like what Mystery always says, "Wear at least 1 interesting item, so that a girl can approach/comment on it" [check out The Mystery Method for more free thoughts and ideas like this]. Now, what's interesting here is, I think a large part of this had to with the fact that I flashed my pearly-whites to her, even for a split second, thus allowing her to open me - an AI from me to her. I think, especially for me [since I am, in fact, a really good-looking guy], I need to make sure to do this more often, as it helps in decreasing some of the intimidation that is automatically created by my physical features.

Well, I used this oppurtinty of her needing to tell me so badly that she likes me ring[s] to hop into the seat behind mine, so that we're sitting in the same row [but separated by the aisle]. Since I'm not all that interested with how things go, I decide to use this as as opportunity to just mess around and see how things flow:

h - "So .. blahblah .."
HBI-C - {smile} "Blahblahblah"
h - "Cool.." {turn away} [for the hell of it]
HBI-C - {struggling to think of something to keep convo going}
..
HBI-C - "So..blahblahblah.."
h - "blahblah" [IOI for re-initiating]
HBI-C - ".."
h - {turn away} [IOD for not being interesting enough]

..and this goes on for a few minutes. Another crazy thing that happens is, she apparently realizes that my local "gf" has talked to her about me [this whole "local "gf" " thing needs like 923087643 posts dedicated to it, but since that's not going to happen, I might throw up a couple dealing with all that, whenever the mood strikes me]. So anyways, at this point, I'm thinking 'shit..' but play it cool, and I think I managed to work it..and definitely find out how the fuck they know each other! And as I suspected, it was just one of those 'my luck sucks..' kinds of deals: they just happen to be friends by running into each other on campus when she'd first started school here this August..of course..

I game her some more, not so much verbally [most of it was random talk], but definitely non-verbal shit, like hardcore kinoescalation [time-wise, since I was on a limit before my stop arrived at my stop], and more situation-specific things like just crossing the aisle and sitting in the seat next to her when I couldn't hear her a few times, so that we were sitting together..to let her know that I care about what she's saying and am interested enough to want to hear more, despite the fact that verbally, I didn't say a word, much less anything suggesting the significance of my actions.

So, after only a few minutes, she's telling me how she wants to meet people, and how that's something she's been thinking about a lot lately because she doesn't seem to know anyone and would like to make some friends, get to know more people, etc .. and she can hardly look me in my eyes, except at important times, such as "meet" and "don't know anyone" and "make some friends..and stuff"..this one was an easy #-close, and honestly, if I hadn't been so tired, I know I could've even had her get off the bus with me at my stop and pulled her back to my place..nice..and to think, I not only couldn't even decide whether I wanted to open her, but I didn't open her, and yet she would've been an easy pull..haa

As Craig [from DYD] says, "It's always on!"

~h