Flirting: Some Quick Tips on How to Flirt with Women

It's been a while, yes, yes, I know..and I've got to admit: I've missed my blog.

A LOT has been going on, especially with school and pick-up: exams were good, and I've been making headway with a number of girls despite my crazy-busy schedule [a bunch of #closes, some solid seeds growing, etc].

The problem: no..fuckin..time!

It's costing me girls I've been slowly setting up, despite the rough school schedule, AND it cost me joining Mehow's crew as a coach for the entire Central America/Caribbean/South America region..more on that another time..for now, let's just leave it at "fuuuuuuuuck!!"

HBAmazonian is quickly becoming my one-itis, though..and I can't figure her out - physically, all the signs are there, and yet verbally, she's playing me..and pretty damn well, too! I got her number, but not after some awkward game-play and situation barriers..and I'm even more confused now than I was before..more on that another time, too.

Anyways, all that aside, on to what I wanted to talk about - flirting.

Ever notice someone that you would like to get to know better? Ever look over and see
someone looking back at you? Are you afraid of letting someone know how you feel because
you are afraid they might not be interested? Well you’re not alone. Nearly all of us at some point
in our lives have felt this way. If you really want to get that person’s attention, and find out if they could be interested in you, then learn to flirt.

Flirting is a great way to seek out the information that you want. It also does not have to be very
emotional - but emotional levels definitely make things easier. If the other person doesn’t respond then you can move on to someone or something else. Knowing how to flirt effectively is the key to getting them interested and keeping them that way. Let's look at ways people do flirt and offer some tips on how to do it effectively.

First off, keep in mind that although flirting is relatively harmless, you are playing with another’s emotions. Flirting with someone your not interested in just isn’t nice..but it's good practice! :-p

The next thing is not to worry about what you say as much as how you look and what you are doing. When someone sees you, they give slightly over half of their attention to how you look. Make sure you look nice and are dressed for the occasion. You just want to be noticed, not to shock people.

The next item of importance is your body language. About one third of their attention will go to
this. Watch what you do. Make sure you not doing anything embarrassing with your hands or
moving about to much. Stand up straight, don’t slouch and look confident.

Finally, a small part of flirting does go to what is said. Try to stay calm. If you are naturally funny or charming, then use this to your advantage; if not, then the less said, the better - just try to engage in a friendly conversation, or "banter".

To find out if that special someone is interested in you, try flirting. By flirting, you will draw
attention and hopefully attract the one that you want. By paying attention to how you look, what you do and what you say [to a degree], you could be well on your way to finding that special someone.

Keep in mind that flirting should be fun, not torture. However, everyday, millions of us let opportunities go by due to a fear of flirting.

A fear of flirting is quite common, even among the most confident of people. There are those that can run multi-national corporations, get up in front of thousands of people and talk, but when it comes to flirting with a possible love interest, that confidence goes completely out the window.

This fear of flirting comes from the fear of crashing and burning. If one attempts to flirt and
bombs badly, this is a total self-confidence killer. It doesn’t matter what type of high-powered
person you are, getting the shove from a possible love interest shatters your self-image.

To get past this, try ignoring that little voice in your head. Think of all your successes and simply go for it.

The fear of flirting can also stem from lack of experience. Some people don’t know how to flirt, or they flirt very badly. Again, this can lead to potentially crashing and killing your self confidence.

To get over this, try practicing with/on a friend. They can tell you if you’re likely to succeed or make a complete fool out of yourself..but then again, keep in mind that women's adive can many times be wayyyyyyyy off what they actually want [topic for another time, but basically, women have an idea or concept of the things that they want, but they actually are hard-wired to respond to completely different things].

The fear of flirting can also come from not knowing the appropriate time or occasion. Many are
reluctant to approach women in bars or night clubs because of their connotations. Flirting at
work can also present problems.

Keep in mind that there really isn’t a right or wrong place to flirt. Just be aware of where you are and make sure your technique is good.

Finally, some fear flirting because of what it could bring. They fear approaching a person,
successfully chatting, and then finding out that they are horrible. What to do in those occasions
sends people into a panic. If you do start to flirt with someone and you realize that this isn’t the
person for you, be polite. Excuse yourself and go. Don’t be rude or try to sneak out of the place
covertly.

Flirting is nothing to be afraid of and is mastered through doing. Get used to the idea that we all
crash and burn at some point in our lives, so flirting isn’t going to be any different. If you live in
fear of the possible consequences of flirting, then you’re likely never to meet anyone.













In other words, just get out there, and go get your flirt on with some women!

~h

Some Points on Body Language Bouncing Around in My Mind

Simply try avoiding the most common mistakes that you have by watching your own body language. You should be replacing the bad movements with more confident movements. This will make huge difference in your interactions in set.

Here you will find eight of the most common body language destroyers that will leave your target unimpressed. You want to train your body to naturally avoid these harmful movements, and you’ll see that these simple changes can make all the difference in the world.

1. Avoiding eye contact
In a one-on-one conversation, do you glance to the side, down at your feet, or anywhere but your target? Ever catch yourself looking over the shoulder of the person you’re talking to?

This says that you lack confidence, nervousness, and incongruent with high value identity.

Next time, try keeping your eyes on your target. Spend 80% of the time looking into the eyes of your target. The majority of people spend too much time looking everywhere else but their target's eyes. Not surprisingly, most people can change this behavior instantly simply by watching a video of themselves. Powerful gurus look at their target directly in the eye when gaming.

*Exception - freeze outs, punishment for bad behavior.

2. Blocking: Allowing an obstacle to get in between you and your target
Another common mistake is putting something between you and your target. Closing off your body language like: crossing your arms, standing behind a podium or chair, talking to someone from behind them, or standing in between something and your target..all of which prevent a real connection from taking place.

Next time, try maintaining open body language, and make sure nothing is between you and the target. Keep your hands apart and your palms up, pointed toward the ceiling. Remove physical barriers between you and your listeners.

3. General Nervousness: Fidgeting, rocking or swaying
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unsure, or incongruent. Fidgeting, rocking, and swaying don’t serve any purpose other than lowering your value. Let’s imagine for a second a top guru who becomes nervous because the target is unresponsive. He and his wings actually say they have the event under control, and they have learned valuable lessons from their failure.

But their body language suggests otherwise.

Next time, remember that the biggest problem is rocking back and forth as you deliver the routines. It reflects a lack of competence, control, and becomes unnatural. Eventually learning to move with purpose, you can and will avoid social suicide. The target will leave the venue confident that she will see you again and that you are congruent.

4. Hands in your pockets or clasped together
Keeping your hands stiffly by your side or in your pockets can give the impression that you’re uninterested, uncommitted, or nervous — whether you are or not doesn't matter; it's the appearance that will break your frame.

Next time, try taking your hands out of your pocket and use them for purposeful, assertive hand gestures. Engaging both hands above the waist is an example of a complex hand gesture that reflects complex thinking and gives the target confidence, comfort, and trust in you.

5. Standing or sitting perfectly still
Ineffective PUAs barely move, staying in one spot during an entire night. What it says about them, however, is that they are rigid, nervous, and boring; in other words, they're not engaging or social.

Next time, try to animate your body, not your slides. Walk. Move, jump, dance, grab a beer, whatever..anything is better than sitting still.

Most PUAs think they need to stand stuck in one place. What they don’t realize is that movement is not only acceptable, it’s welcomed. Some of the greatest PUAs walk into sets, and they're constantly moving with purpose.

For example, a guru will walk from one side of the room to another to captivate a target. This builds in false takeaways, freeze outs, and punishment for bad behavior. He will point to what he talks about, and he'll place his hand on the targets' shoulders instead of keeping the bodies distant.

6. Slouching, or being hunched over
Poor posture is often associated with a lack of confidence and can reflect, or be presumed to reflect, a lack of engagement or interest. What it reflects: you are not alpha, you lack confidence.

Next time, try keeping your head up and your back straight. You can roll your shoulders back to get into good posture. When standing stationary, be sure to place your feet at shoulder width and lean back [to show higher value] or slightly forward [you will look far more interested, engaged, and enthusiastic]. Pull your shoulders slightly forward as well — you’ll appear more masculine. Your head and spine should be straight.

Don’t use a tabletop or podium as an excuse to lean on it.

7. Using phony gestures
This says you that you’re over-coached, unnatural, or artificial. Use gestures; just don’t over-do it.

Research has shown that gestures reflect complex thought patterns. Gestures will leave your target with the perception of confidence, competence, control, and congruency. But the minute you copy a hand gesture, you risk looking contrived — like a bad politician.

Remember, do not use hand gestures that you are unfamiliar with. Also, try not to copy anyone else's body language; instead, straighten up your body language and stay congruent throughout the social interaction.

8. Jingling coins, tapping fingers or feet, & other annoying movements or sounds
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unpolished, or insufficiently concerned with details. Use a video camera to tape yourself. Play it back with a crucial eye. Can you find annoying gestures that you weren’t aware of?

I once watched an author who had written a book on Pick Up. He couldn’t help but jingle the coins in his pocket throughout the entire talk - he certainly didn’t score points on the PUA scale.

Remember, nervous energy will reflect itself in toe-tapping, touching your face, or moving your leg up and down. It’s an easy fix..once you catch yourself in the act!

Dynamic and powerful body language will help you kick up the power of your pick up.

So be sure to work on your body language - pay as much attention to it as the words you use, and watch your game soar!

~h

A Quick Word on Body Language

Question: how's your body language?

Besides being able to escalate, I'd say the second most important factor in your game is body language.

Unless you carry a body-length mirror around with you, you're probably not aware of how you look to others.

Even if you're doing a certain technique properly, for example, spreading your arms out, or standing up straight, or leaning against a wall to look "cool", you may be doing it with the wrong energy.

You see, good body language is not about a specific stance or "look." It's about the energy behind it.

For example, you can stick your chest out because you want to look confident, or because you feel confident.

These two energies are opposites.

And women can pick up on your energy.

If you are trying to have good body language, I can almost guarantee that you don't.

In fact, the more effort you make to have good body language, the worse it will be - you will come across as nervous and self-conscious.

Women have finely-tuned radar to pick upon this, because it says way more about a guy than anything he could say with his mouth.

That's why real game is almost impossible to fake - women are wired to pick up on "fakery."

For thousands of years, women had too much at stake to be duped by an insecure guy trying to look confident. If they mated with the wrong guy, they were screwed - literally!

Body language is one of the hardest things to fix on your own, simply because you can't see yourself all the time.

Most guys have bad habits when it comes to their posture, movement, eye contact, and pace at which they move and talk.

And it's the culmination of all these physical expressions that give a woman an overall impression of who you are inside.

It's who you are inside that actually causes women to become attracted to you.

Sure a cool shirt, good looks, and other purely visual cues can help.

But ultimately it's how a man thinks that attracts women to him.

Women can tell where your attention is at. Not because they are mind readers. They are just extremely perceptive of men's non-verbal cues. So maybe she doesn't know exactly what your thoughts are..but she can tell if you're nervous.

And this conveys that you a) place her on a pedestal relative to yourself, and b) you want her approval.

This is very weak and unattractive to women.

Ask yourself this - have you ever been in a situation where someone was supposed to be in control - maybe an authority figure or someone who was supposed to be an "expert" - and this person was tense, fidgety, and spoke fast and quiet.

You probably lost a lot of respect for him or her, and didn't give a lot of credence to what they said.

Now for women, respect and attraction are almost synonymous. A woman can only be attracted to a man she respects.

In fact, the feeling you have for a man you respect is the same feeling a woman feels when she's attracted to a man, only she also feels a biological drive to have sex with him - there's a physical response added to this "respect."

So how do you get someone to respect you?

Well we all know guys who are complete morons, but they garner respect - people look to them as an authority or leader.

Why?

Because of their non-verbal cues.

You see, these non-verbal cues say things about the guy that you can't directly observe.

A guy with calm, confident bodylanguage, a loud, slow voice, and strong eye contact is in effect saying, "I know what I'm doing. I'm in control. You can relax and trust me to lead you."

Think about how powerful that message is to anybody - let alone to a woman.

Now there's good news and bad news.

The bad news - you can't fake it. Women can tell, because there will be one small behavior you're not aware of that will give you away.

Maybe you will jerk your head too fast, or lean over a little too much, or stand with your feet too close together [or too far apart!].

Yup, she can tell if you're over-compensating, or hiding yourself out of fear [nervousness].

And this says, "I don't know what I'm doing. You're more important than me. I'm trying to look confident because I want you to like me and GIVE ME SEX."

Bad bad bad.

And no matter how smooth your conversational skills are, you will fall flat.

This can lead to a lot of frustration with guys who have worked really hard to be great conversationalists, and have memorized all kinds of lines and techniques.

They are still hitting a brick wall and continuing to struggle, because they have bad body language.

In fact, having good conversation skills with bad body language will actually make things worse, because the woman will simply think you're really good at faking.

She won't trust you.

This accounts for a lot of the flaking that women do with men. They hear his smooth words, but see shaky body language, and immediately don't trust him.

You have to be congruent.

And this brings me to the good news - women always believe body language.

So if you really are confident and focused on the right stuff, your body language will naturally handle itself. And she will be attracted to you.

It's that easy: focus on the right stuff, and your body language will align accordingly. Then, she will infer what's going on inside you - your confidence, your attitude, and your energy, and she will instantly feel attraction.

It's the most important thing, because A POWERFUL FOCUS NATURALLY LEADS TO A GOOD STATE, AND THIS WILL LEAD TO ATTRACTIVE BEHAVIOR.

And this behavior will always be congruent - your whole being will be aligned - because it stems from your core, who you really are!

If you are hitting a brick wall, despite the fact that you've read all the pickup theory out there, and have hundreds of approaches under your belt, you most likely have a body language problem.

And this is grounded in a FOCUS PROBLEM; remember, relax, be confident, and focus on the right stuff.

~h