LR: SNL Club Freak

Friday was a long, exhausting day. And I was already tired before it even began..

I'm just going to fast-forward to the good stuff, which is that I pre-gamed with a few of my boys before we went out to the 2 main clubs here.

We went to the first place, where they've got a more formal dress code, so I rocked my Armani jeans, Jordans, with a white shirt and dress jacket on top..I'll be honest, I was looking fly as hell, and everyone noticed - they were either loving it and going on and on about it, or they were hating on it, trying to make fun or bring me down a couple notches, but they couldn't get through my frame.

It was a decent crowd, not nearly as packed as I was expecting, but it was fun because me and my friends were there outcome-independent, just having drinks and enjoying ourselves. And people could tell, because they kept buzzing around us, starting up conversations with some of the lamest comments - it was a reminder of how hot girls feel when they're out, being approached by lame-ass AFCs with no game.

After scoping the scene for a while and fucking around with the guys, I decided to up things; after all, I didn't come out and be balled out like I was just to chill with the guys and drink my brains out in the VIP area..which we got into for free :-)

So I started talking to one of my buddies "P" about some of the girls around, and we were eyeing up and breaking down what was going on with whom. And then we relocated to the outer area because most of the people were headed that way, too. I spotted this one girl in a red dress/top, with some fucking chode, so I told my buddy I was going in.

I opened the guy, actually, being all chummy with him and feeling him out, befriending the obstacle as it were, and the guy got lamer and lamer the more he talked. And he brought the girl into the conversation, telling me how she likes him and all kinds of AFC shit, and the look on the girl's face said it all. She even went so far as to tell me, that she told him that if she wasn't dating someone back home, then she'd go out with him.

I laughed. I couldn't help it; in my mind, I was thinking if the guy had any game at all, she wouldn't have said something like that to him..shit, if he knew even a little of what he was doing, she wouldn't have said anything about a guy back home, period..much less been like 'oh sorry I'm with someone thousands of miles away, but otherwise I'd totally go out with you! My little cute puppy dog!' loll

So anyways, after talking with her for a bit, and having the drunk fool keep interrupting with random AFC shit, like how much he likes her, and wants to go out with her, and blahblahblah..I decided it was not worth it to deal with all this shit, so I bounced out..only to spot another Indian girl from my class, whom I'd nicknamed My Little Porn Star because of her very curvaceous body and dick-sucking lips, and she was looking fiiine.

She waved at me and smiled, so I went right in, and told her "Now that we're outside of class, you have to at least give me a hug and a kiss, because this is just ridiculous - you wave at me in class, all sleepy-looking with glasses on and stuff, so I don't think anything about it - I'm right there with you! But now you're all done up, looking nice in this cute little outfit, and you're awake..so that's not going to fly!"

She complied, gave me a hug and a quick peck on the cheek, and the biggest ear-to-ear smile I've seen on her face. Then we talked about some shit for a bit, I wasn't really paying much attention because I kept thinking about her lips wrapped around my fat cock..nice! So I just focused on making sure my body language was good, and I kept rocking out and then back in, just to let her know that I wasn't completely all into her/us at the moment, putting more pressure on her to continue trying to win me over.

She then got pulled off by a hater [who didn't even face me or look at me while he was there] to go find one of their super-drunk friends, and she kept trying to reassure me that she'd come back [I guess she could tell by the look on my face that I didn't believe her..or that I just didn't care haa].

Then me and my buddy met back up with our other 2 boys and decided to roll from this venue to the other nightspot, right near campus and my place. This is where the real fun started..

So we get in, and it's a decent crowd - half the people are from the other place, like us. The others head to the bar, while I take a detour to talk to the girl working the door [I've gamed her before, too, and have #-closed her]. She gave me a hug, and we chit-chatted for a minute, then I told her I'd come chill with her a little later when she wasn't too busy [it was already like 3am, so she knew I was just leaving her because I have other things to do, like gaming other hot girls around = social proof, plus pre-selection for when I come back].

I get to the bar area where my friends are, and I throw a napkin at HBBartender [it's a little thing we do = "our thing" aka connection -> comfort]. She starts giggling and can't help herself, comes over and starts chatting me up, smiling ear-to-ear. Then I tell her I need a hug, so she comes around the side and hugs up on me, squeezes me, and holds me.

After a minute, I gently push her off..but then hold her hand, which she squeezes back. We talk for a few minutes like this, then I tell her she should get back to work [non-neediness], while I go hang with my friends [social proof]. And I tell her not to worry, because I'll be back..

Me and my boys chill for a bit, and my chick-scoping buddy from before "P", points out this fiiine black local girl who keeps eyeing me, hard. And I catch her, a number of times, as well as take in the situation - she's there with another girl and 2 guys, and the way they're positioned, it seems the girls came with the guys and know them and are "with them". It's all good, no sweat, right? :-)

So a little later, my boys decide they're going to bounce, so I go and hug the girl at the door [HBDoorGirl], and tell her I'll hit her up later. She seems kind of sad to see me go, in her own bubbly way, and as I'm walking out towards the car, I'm thinking 'Why am I already leaving? I've got girls here to game, and I'm still having a good time..and still buzzing from the alcohol, too - why did I drink if I'm just going to go to bed??'

I get to the car where my boys are waiting up for me, and I tell them I'm going back in. They leave, and I go get HBDoorGirl again and tell her that they're being bitches and leaving already, but I still want to party..with her, once she gets off. She tells me she'll be done at 4-ish, and I tell her "Cool, come find me, we'll dance..and when I'm ready to go, I'll call my boy to come pick me up [because I'm not a loser who got ditched by his friends, I chose to stay, and all I have to do is ask them to come get me, and they will, no matter how late, etc, because that's what boys do for each other]".

At this point, I'm thinking about all the social proof that I have, and how quickly that can get shot down into the negatives if I don't quickly find a set, because otherwise even I'll soon succumb to the "weirdo by himself" category despite how baller I may be looking with my clothes and attitude.

I find a couple of people I know from class and jump in with them. And as luck would have it, the hot local chick from before who was eyeing me down, was standing right behind me, elbow-to-elbow and back-to-back. And I could see her turning over her shoulder to look my way every few seconds, so I was racking my brain as to how to enter the set..

So I bumped her. Softly at first, but then I did it again, a little harder. And a third time. And I could see she was getting kind of upset/frustrated with me, throwing me dirty looks, so I bumped her one more time, and this time did a double-take over my shoulder at her, like I didn't realize I was bumping into her all this time.

I apologized, almost to the point of over-kill, just to take it to such an extreme that the whole thing became almost absurd, and she brought up the fact that I'd almost spilled her drink, and I was like oh I'm soo sorry..

At this point, her "guy" jumped in, trying to be all Mr. Baller, and tells me that I'd better be sorry about that, and I looked at him and smiled, then turned back the girl and asked her "Did I spill your drink..?", to which she replied no, and I said to her and the guy "Well, then, there's nothing to stress about it, now is there?" while still smiling.

The girl cracked a smile, so I knew I was good with her, and the guy just huffed at me, so I knew he wasn't going to be a bother anymore. So, I body rocked back out from her towards my 2 friends, and then rocked back towards her and asked her how her night has been going. And we started chit-chatting, and each time she started to turn back towards her group, I'd turn my body faster/quicker, so as to seem like I was already doing it and mine was more obvious, so I must really be uninterested..and like magic, I had her re-opening me each time [I think twice or so this happened].

I started to turn to completely face her as she faced me, and then I started slowwwwly walking and talking, going for a mini-isolation a few feet away from both of our respective groups. We talked for a while, about what she does, what I do, mundane shit basically..but all the while, I was physically escalating with here, at first holding her hand [I put it out there, and she grabbed it], and then later pulling her in closer to me. This was great, because I had one leg up on the wall I was leaning up against [locked-in, of course ;-)], and so when I pulled her in towards me, she ended up with my knee pressed up between her legs. And slowly I started moving, kind of swaying to the music, and she followed suit, with my knee pressing up harder against her sweet spot..and all the while, we're still talking about things, comfort-building-type stuff, like what we want to do with out respective lives, etc.

I could see that she was getting hot, so I decided to push her away and tease her, so I told her I was going to go get another drink and use the bathroom. I ran into the 2set from before, and I asked my friend if he wants anything to drink. I ordered our drinks from this cuuuuuuuuute fucking bartender, definitely a new girl, and I start talking to her for a minute or two, asking her her name in the process and replying with how I have an ex-girlfriend with a similar name except hers was blahblahblah, then I completely roll off her and head to the bathroom.

I killed the drink as I pissed, and then I talked to some local dude about how the sink sucks. We talked for a minute on our way out, and he told me about another party the next night, invited me out to it, introduced himself to me, etc - see what social proof can do for you? And itm akes me out to be a leader of men in front of my chicks around watching.

I left him and went to find the girl I'd left all hot and bothered, and she'd rejoined her group [surprise]. She spotted me coming and smiled at me, waving me into the group. So I went in for a few seconds, smiled, said some random shit, and then pulled my girl back out to our isolation spot, only this time a little further out of most people's sight.

A few minutes later, her friends started leaving, and I could just see the look on the guy's face who was with her before, just all pissed off and shit - classic! So she and I chilled for a bit more, then I told her I was getting tired, and the place was starting to close up anyways, and then I asked her what she was up to now..

She told me she was still kind of awake, so she was probably going to go back to her place and chill or something, because she had work for a bit the next day..and she gives me this look..and I'm like "Oh cool - well, I'm going to head back, I'm kind of tired.." just to fuck with her a bit. And to continue figuring out logistics: if she's working tomorrow, then we won't have any spend-the-night shit, either, because she's got to get up relatively early; if her group left, obviously she has her own ride, which I didn't know before [I should've asked how she, and her friends, had gotten there] and was kind of hesitant about bringing her back to my place simply because I didn't want her knowing where I live and leading to drama later.

But now that was no longer an issue. So I tell her that I live on campus, maybe she can give me a ride. She agrees, and tells me that she's going to the bathroom first. So I go talk to HBDoorGirl, running some comfort shit on her, more linked to "you only live once" and "what are the odds that you and I met, and are here talking, right now, of all the people in the world I could be talking to" and having ambitions and passions in life. I also ran strawberry fields as well as rings-on-fingers, because I noticed she had a shiny ring on her right index finger. And she was loving all of it.

At this point, the super-cute bartender girl came up to me and started talking to me about Indian movies, so I was IOIing her like crazy for them, because she was obviously trying to impress me [remember, create your own reality]. So, I kept giving her high 5's and hugs, and then HBBartender came up behind me and started grinding on me from the back. And this was hilarious, because HBBartender and HBDoorGirl got into a verbal play-fight over me and ran off to go clean up, and the super-cute bartender was telling me that "They may look like they're playing now, but when you're not around, behind the scenes, they'll be going at it for real!" So I made her in charge of keeping me up-to-date on the drama, and she said that she doesn't get involved with drama [which got her another hug for not being a typical drama queen], and at this point I should've #-closed her, but I didn't..ah well, I had her give me a going-away hug-and-kiss, before she ran off to go help clean up.

My girl HBGarcelle came back sometime as me and the super-cute bartender were saying our good-byes, so I pretended not to see her and started talking to the big bouncer dude at the entrance, to get in good with him..which I did. Because he could totally fuck me over with the girls working there, as well as give me shit every time I come around, if he feels like I kind of invaded his area or something gay like that.

Then, me and HBGarcelle start walking towards her car, and as we're getting there, I tell her I'm not really ready to go to sleep because I'm not too tired at the moment. So she offers to watch a movie, and I ask her what she's got, and she says that I can see for myself..and we're off to her place!

The details are pretty much as can be expected, but basically we get to her place, she gives me a little tour, and I pick out some lovey-dovey/comedy looking movie, I think it had Ashton Kutcher or Josh Hartnett or someone like that in it, and we plop down on her couch and start watching it.

No more than 10-15 minutes later, this girl is like throwing herself at me, so things escalate pretty quick, until I push her off and tell her we should slow down [so I can drink some water!], and she agrees. Another 5 minutes later, and she starts kissing up on my neck, and I rub her arm, and her hand goes between my legs..so I think fuck it, and whip out my dick..

And she starts jerking me, almost violently, and I grab her hair and pull her head back and start making out with her, hard, and she starts taking my jacket and shirt off and sucking on my nipples, so then I slowly put pressure on the back of her head, and she gets the hint and goes down on me..and holy fuck, can she suck!!

[Oh shit, I didn't realize, that shit rhymes :-)]

Anyways, so she's sucking me off, while I'm sitting there watching the movie and drinking my water loll

Once I feel sober enough to fuck and not bust a nut too quick because I'm drunk, I start sliding my fingers between her legs, to find that she's wet as hellll already! And that shit got me going even more, to the point that I grabbed her, stood up, and slid the strings on her dress off her shoulders while I pulled my jeans and shit off..and just banged her doggy right on her couch.

After a while, I took her to her bed, along with my water bottle, and had her get on top, and I started splashing water all up on her tits and especially on that phat assss of hers..holy shit, that shit was fucking hot..

Anyways, so we finished up after a while, and I passed ouuuuut - I was totally drained! I got up maybe 30 minutes later, and I got dressed and used her phone to call my number, then I texted her back with my number, and then I went to let her know that I was leaving, and I'd hit her up later..and she just had this dreamy look and smile on her face..and I was thinking 'I know exactly how you feel haa..'

I called up one of my local cabbie buddies, who gave me a ride back to my place, and I crashed until like 3:30pm the next day..and still made it to the gym ;-)

~h

LR: Some More Text Messages

Here's a text message exchange that I had with HBMPHBrunette, and since it went really well for me, I figured I'd post it up on here for you guys to use before I deleted it.

HBMPHB: wanting to get some meds from me because she needs to study for a make-up exam

h: "Sounds cool hottie! Lemme know wen u need em..", then explained I've got different Rxs

HBMPHB: "hahaha! ur such a gangsta! dude the 30 sounds gr8! u know that i officially love you, right? let me know when ur gonna b on campus!"

h: "I love you too dearie! Esp during the booty call hrs ;-) ..but uh dont tell neone bout our secret love - it'll hurt my gangsta image :-p" [note the push-pull type of formula, following Sinn and Future's breakthrough comfort style of texting]

HBMPHB: "tell anyone? u nuts? would ruin the treasure that is our mutual love!"

h: "Very tru..i knew i kept u around 4 a reason - u're smart AND good in bed ;-) altho u do learn from the best gangsta lover ever :-p"

Later that night, we meet up for a bit to get our transaction through, and she tells me that her boyfriend goes through her phone, so she had to stop texting me when he got back.

A couple days later, she hit me up again, to get some of the other Rx, and pay me back for it all. So I texted her back, "Haha u're crazy..n it's great! I'll hit u up after my group meeting".

We met up, and she'd "left" her money in her room - how convenient, since she came out to see me..plausible deniability, anyone? ;-)

So we go back to her place, and I start talking to her about her room and some of the shit she had in there [mixed in with some sexualized comments, like how her bed was barely big enough for one person, how could we both fit on there, etc]. After a few minutes, I grabbed some DVD cover and sat down on her bed, reading the back of it. She got the money, came over and sat down on the bed, and gave it to me.

I leaned into her and told her that she smelled really nice. Then, I ran my fingertips up her neck to her hair. Then I stroked her hair and told her how I was trying so hard not to kiss her - and as it turned out, that's all I needed to do, because she lunged lip-first at my face lol

Our clothes come flying off, and next thing I know, she's bent over on her bed, with my dick rammed deep inside of her - not bad for a post-class activity :-)

It still surprises me sometimes as to just how easy this stuff can be, and how smoothly it can go, just with having the right timing with the escalation, both physical and verbal - starting back from the sexual framing in the texts all the way up to being in her room.

~h

How to Approach a Group of Girls, and Have Them Think You're Great

In this post, I’m going to use women at a bar. I will be going into lots of other techniques for non-bar pickups, too, but for now, we’ll stick with this.

As you know, women don’t usually go to bars on their own..they go in groups.

Approaching groups of women can be extremely daunting, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, you can fail miserably with groups, and like a pack of wolves they can rip you apart. I’ve seen guys get cussed at, totally ignored, and even drinks poured all on them.

But if you do the approach right, then your success with a group of women can usually yield great results.

Whenever I suggest approaching groups of women, I get guys looking at me as though I’m from another planet. I realize that lots of guys probably don’t have the initial confidence to simply walk up to beautiful women they don’t know..don’t worry, this can be easily solved.

I’ll give you some simple tips here..

Increasing Confidence Exercise - In the Mall

Step 1: Walk around the shopping mall and when you catch a woman’s eye, smile at her – more often than not, she’ll smile back. To start with, you can do this just with store employees. Even if they don’t want to smile, they probably will.

Good practice..and you might even brighten a few women’s lives a little.

Step 2: Once you’ve gained confidence in making natural eye contact and a smile with staff, you could move onto other women in the mall. I’m not suggesting big weird freak smiles, just nice, natural, friendly ones. A lot of women will smile back at you.

Step 3: Here’s where it might seem a little weird, but this really does help, and practice and repetition will make this a lot easier - just say "hi", with a smile, to women [and men, if you like] as you walk around the mall. It will feel HORRIBLE at first if you are not confident, but slowly, after an hour or two, it’ll seem easy.

After you’ve smiled and said "hi" to 20 or 30 women, you should start to feel good..as long as you don’t quit on your first negative response; this will happen, and it'll happen when you’re approaching women to pick them up, too - you have to learn to step out of your comfort zone if you want to be successful with women.

One of my buddies did the “smile at girls in the mall” technique, and he actually ended up meeting the girl of his dreams and is still with her – how’s that for effective! :-)

Keep in mind that there are plenty of other techniques you can do to build your confidence, most not quite as scary as the mall one.

Cool, now let’s assume you now have the confidence [or at least the guts] to approach women you don’t know in a bar.

Firstly, let’s suppose two girls are seated together at a bar: one is the "ugly" one, and one is the hot one [i.e. the one you like the looks of and would like to get to know more].

You see the girls..go up to them and talk to them IMMEDIATELY!

Don’t waste time.

Within 3 seconds of seeing them, approach them. Mystery [and others now] call this the "3 second rule", and I've got to say it really does seem to work.

If you see her and like her, it’s best not to think too much about the approach, or you’re more likely to work yourself into such a state that your approach will be ineffective, or you’ll just pussy out altogether!

So - within 3 seconds, go TALK to her!

Also, always, ALWAYS approach a woman from the side, or at an angle from the front..NEVER from behind – this is really important to remember!

If you go up to the group at the bar and approach from behind, you will instantly invoke a negative response, and they will be put on the defensive - not what you're going for. So to prevent things from starting off on the wrong foot, and then needing to do damage control [which might be futile at that point, anyway], always, always, ALWAYS go in from the side or angled from the front.

~h

Inside the Mind of a Hot, Yet Insecure, Girl

Have you ever been played hard by a girl..?

Today, let’s take a journey into the mind of a hot but deeply insecure girl to see what’s going on and how she games the men in her life.

The hot girl in question is a composite of a few girls I’ve known, and we’ll call her "Sarah". Every girl has a little bit of Sarah in them - this composite we’re drawing is simply the most extreme iteration of it.

Here’s the backstory, taken from my experiences with the girls:

I met her at a cool, semi-exclusive bar while she was on a date; she and her date were seated nearby us at a large communal table, and it was clear that she wasn’t madly in love with the guy, despite his fawning over her.

Interesting challenge..

A few weeks and much flakiness later, she came to one of my parties. We dated for about a week and a half afterwards, but it didn’t take long to figure out that it wasn’t going anywhere. She’s 21, has various addictions I’d never accept in a girlfriend, and parties way too much. That’d be fine and we could have still had something basic if the physical connection was good, but it wasn’t.

Sexual tension resolved, we transitioned into being friends, and these days she is something of a surrogate little sister. It's adorable - she’ll come by my place, bounce around like a pinball, and effervesce about the drama and excitement in her life.

Sarah is a smart girl - far more intelligent than she initially appears. She plays the ditzy little girl role with aplomb, and half of my friends still refuse to believe that her IQ could possibly break the triple digit barrier. But when it comes to men, she knows exactly what she’s doing.

In the months we’ve been friends, I’ve seen her destroy several guys, and I watch her keeping a steady flow of prospects in the pipeline. The guys she dates are good looking, successful, and usually, they fall hard.

I believe that deep down Sarah is also a good girl who wants to find a deeper happiness than her life today gives her, but as it stands, I’d hate for one of my friends to get caught up with a girl like her. And should you ever find yourself in a situation with a Sarah of your own, it's only fair that you understand exactly what’s going on.

Personally, I’ve dated two girls like her before, and was in a wickedly hurtful relationship with one of them. Let’s see if we can get into Sarah’s head.

The first thing you have to know about her existence is that it is fairly shallow. Moment to moment, she seeks constant emotional and physical stimulation in the form of drugs, sex, cigarettes, text flirting with guys, etc. And unlike most of us, she’s able to get away with this because, well, she’s a hot 21 year old in a big city who knows how to play the game.

Sarah also likes to party. She’s out two to four nights a weeks, sometimes hitting multiple clubs at once, and she’s always at the best and hottest new club. Promoters love her because she rarely brings guys along, and has a great personality; fun, ditzy, playful, giggly - everything you want in a girl when you’re out at a club.

But when she meets a guy in whom she’s interested, her demeanor changes instantly. First, her voice softens up to something akin to a baby’s cooing and her eyes become doe-like. The innocence comes across as capitulation, and flips a big switch in a man - his desire to take care of a woman.

But she also knows how to turn on the sexy..with a narrowing of the eyes, a crossing of the legs, a little bite of the lip - and she’s attractive enough that few men are going to turn her down. I’ve watched her do it to four randoms in clubs, as well as a friend of mine just to prove to me that she could.

This 1-2-3 combo results in paralyzing crushes: fun wild social girl to fawning little bunny to sexual mistress.

She goes after bankers and traders whenever possible. It is important for her ego that the men she’s dating have certain qualifications.

And as she starts dating a man, she’s full of push-pull. One morning she’s in his kitchen, wearing his oxford shirt and cooking breakfast for him. She tells him she’ll see him later that night, then flakes out and heads to a club with me where we’ll dance the night away.

The guy starts texting her, “Baby, where are you?” The next morning, she meekly apologizes, shows up for sex, and pulls the guy deeper into thinking that if he tries just a little bit harder, she’ll change for him.

And this is the genius [mad or otherwise] in how she handles a man. She is incredibly compliant and giving when she’s with him, to the point he thinks he “has her”. She is very emotional and “falls in love” quickly; temporary as it may be, the guy starts to believe it, too. Her emotions are like a hurricane: as soon as they come, they can also be gone.

And a guy wants to believe that he’s going to be the one who tames her, that she’ll be his domestic Debbie. Then, once she’s felt that the guy has invested enough into her [and critically, ONLY then], she’ll disappear.

And here’s the funny part - it works best on the guys with huge egos. The most successful, the best-looking, the ones who eat women for breakfast. She’s sexy enough that she can make them work hard to get her [fancy meals, tables and bottles, whatever she wants, really], and once they’ve invested enough and then “won”, it becomes part of their ego that they’re dating the girl who everyone else wants but who no one can have.

The moment she pulls away, that massive ego begins to lurch. I’ve watch guys cancel travel plans, leave work early, and go into debt trying to pull this girl back into their world.

Does this lead to good relationships? Absolutely not - it results in fights, guys showing up at her house [and mine] yelling in the street for her, and lots of bad feelings. But it works for her for two reasons:

First, all the drama is essentially emotional stimulation. Whether she’s feeling really good and excited about a guy, or whether he’s blowing up her Blackberry with pleas and grievances, it is making her life interesting.

Secondly, while she is an intelligent girl, she has some very deep issues. Insecurities she’s not comfortable sharing with a guy with whom she’s romantically involved. She knows [instinctively] that if she truly opens herself up in that way, she’s putting herself in a position to be hurt. And she’s so insecure about who she really is that she’s just not going to let a guy who’s fucking her have that kind of power over her.

What’s the lesson here for us guys?

Well, most importantly, do your homework and follow your instincts. A key concept in attraction is investment: the more you invest in something, the more of an emotional attachment you develop for it.

And falling in love with Sarah is kind of like buying stock in a promising but volatile tech company - if it is a hot thing that is poised to take off and generate massive returns, you might get emotionally invested, and fail to get out when you should. Every now and then, the company puts out a press release with incredibly good news, but since you’ve never met management, you don’t know if it's accurate. And believe me, if a man is dealing with Sarah on a superficial or ego basis, he definitely hasn’t met management.

Perhaps you started dating a girl and had people who knew her tell you to “watch out for her”, but you defended her and said “no, I know her in a way that other people don’t” or something equally silly. Well, management is hidden away in the board room and letting the PR and customer service people do the talking, and you bought into the lines they’re feeding you.

What else? Don’t let your ego get caught up in determining whether she’d be a good girl for you. Sarah has great people in her life who are looking out for her, and just because you’re fucking her doesn’t mean it's your responsibility to save her.

Yes, if she sees your interest waning, she’ll work hard to get it back. But if you’re getting any signs that your girl is half-heartedly committed, that her insecurities and/or abilities with men are driving her to seek constant stimulation, then you just have to keep your eyes open - one day, when she’s had enough partying, she’ll find a solid man and latch on tight, and there will be no doubt in his mind [or hers] that she’s in it to win it.

But until then, if there’s smoke, there’s probably fire.

The things that drive Sarah are present in everyone’s head. When you’re looking for a girlfriend, it's important to be able to see her for who she really is.

I’ve been in relationships with girls who I thought were loving, honest people. Something went wrong, then all of a sudden I’m seeing parts of Sarah come out. The girl is pushing me, pulling me, and I’m telling myself “wait, this isn’t who she is! She’s the girl I was dating a few months ago..I just need to bring that back out of her”.

Problem is, because her perception of me and the role that I play in her life changed, the person who she is when she’s dating me changed, too.

Lessons learned.

And hey - if you know yourself and who you are, you know what you’ll accept, what you won’t, and you’ll be able to give yourself fully in love when the right girl comes along.

~h

8 Keys to Success With Women

1) Always judge a woman by the way she acts..and not by what she tells you

If she tells you that she loves you, but doesn't respond to the way you touch her..if she tells you that she likes you, but acts differently..don't waste your time.

Go by how she acts. You have eyes. You are not stupid - you know when a woman's actions do not match up with her words.

2) Don't try to impress a woman

Rather, try to interest her..there is a difference!

When you impress, you are getting a woman for the short term. The problem with impressing a woman is that you have to constantly think of new tricks.

It's easier to interest her. If you do not know the difference between impressing a woman and interesting her, you have a lot to learn:

The man who impresses a woman is a magician. He thinks of new tricks, and the audience "gasps!" in wonder. But after some time, his tricks are for nothing. Then he has to learn new tricks.

The man who interests a woman is a painting. It is a beautiful painting that a person stares at in awe. And with each passing day, it is still beautiful. It is timeless. And all who look upon the painting know that it is genuine beauty.

Interest her rather than impressing her - impressing a woman is fake..interesting a woman is genuine.

3) Do you know what I find ironic? If a girl never liked you to begin with, your gifts, flowers, and chocolates won't do a damn thing.

And on the same token, if a girl already liked you, your gifts, flowers, and chocolates are unneeded, because she already liked you.

4) It's all about SELF-IMPROVEMENT

When a man exercises and becomes stronger, he changes.

A woman takes notice.

When a man studies hard and gets the job that he desires, he changes.

A woman takes notice.

When a man gets a rewarding career and gets the wealth that he desires, he changes.

A woman takes notice.

When a man works on improving his own life and fulfilling his own dreams, he changes.

A woman takes notice.

When a man focuses on improving himself physically, socially, mentally and spiritually, he changes.

A woman takes notice.

Ambition is absolutely attractive to a woman. And this is why a woman is intrigued by a man who speaks and thinks with ambition. In fact, some women will desire a man even if he is poor, if his ambition burns in his soul.

Women associate ambition with potential. A man with ambition is always striving for perfection and for obtaining that which he desires.

5) The only way to have a happy life is to develop one for yourself, then leave an opening for someone else to come and share it with you.

Neither of these two things is easy..BUT - a woman will not fulfill your life; you must fulfill your own life!

6) Observe the best salesmen!

There are certain salesmen that you will never buy from. And there are the ones that you do.

Observe the best salesmen. Observe the way he talks to you: what he does, how he acts, how he walks, how he talks..basically, what is his "secret"?

If you are a wise man, you will learn from him. Watch him. Observe him. Study him. Read him. In a way, become him.

Believe it or not, getting a woman is the ability to SELL. You have to show her why YOU are better than the other men.

7) Know this rule about women: A woman who truly likes you will MAKE TIME TO BE WITH YOU

A woman who truly likes you will never be too busy for you. Learn this now!

If a girl ever tells you that she's too busy for you, you better understand..women make time for men that they love!

8) THE RIGHT WAY TO TALK TO A GIRL

I think there is a lot of confusion on how to speak to women. Some people recommend pickup tips and pickup lines and things of the sort. There are literally hundreds and hundreds of books on the subject. But I've learned better. I've learned that it doesn't do any good to try to memorize lines to talk to a woman.

I've learned that the best way to attract a woman is to be interesting. Act like she knows you. Act like you know her. How do you talk to your friends? How do you talk to those who know you? Do you speak like that to her?

Well, you should.

The key is to act like you know her, but you want to add a tinge of sexuality. You don't want to be "just that friend".

You want to also show that you have some interest in her. Whenever I go to attract a woman, I act like she's an ex-girlfriend of mine - just show a genuine interest in her. I talk to her like I know her. But at the same time, I show her that I'm a bit playful. I let her know that she is a woman and I am a man.

The trick and the puzzle of women is that they've been conditioned to hear pickup lines.

They've been conditioned to think that the moment a man approaches them, they are looking for sex.

But when you come up to women and act like you know them, when you say, "Hi!" and you keep talking to her like you know her, she'll feel a sense of ease and comfort.

And that is exactly how you should make her feel - when you make a woman comfortable, then you have completed the most difficult obstacle of all.

~h

More Thoughts on Cold Reading

This post deals with the idea of cold reading. Keep in mind that originality is the most important quality that you can convey to a woman - from the way you dress to how you approach the ladies and engage them in conversation.

On the other hand, when you fail to make a unique impression, she's going to automatically lump you in with the last 37 chumps who tried to buy her a drink - and within three minutes of you paying for her $12 cocktail, she'll be excusing herself to "go find her friend." As if her friend is lost somewhere in the nightclub, in desperate need of food and water..

The key to building a bond with her is to engage her attention and to get her to share information about herself.

Then you'll tell her how much you relate and establish rapport with her.

One of my favorite conversational tactics for accomplishing this is by using cold reads. This technique, which as I mentioned in my previous post is used to great effect by psychics and palm readers, is a way to make the other person feel like you understand what makes them tick, and what they're going through, without them directly telling you.

The trick with cold reads is that the "observations" you're making apply to virtually anyone. Yet there are psychological reasons why they work so effectively.

Human beings are self-centered, and we generally accept claims about ourselves that reflect how we wish to be.

Also, people are vain. We want to be seen as unique.

Even though cold reads are usually vague generalizations [which would apply to your Aunt Bernice, just as they would to the hottie partying with her friends at the nightclub], we want to agree with the person who skillfully "reads" us, and we'll believe they have unusual powers of perception.

So forget about asking the generic "job interview" questions - "So what's your name", "where are you from", etc.

Example: if I'm in a club, talking to some babe who's acting a bit hard to get, I'll bust out a cold read along the lines of:

"You know, HB, I get the sense that a lot of guys get the wrong idea when they first meet you. They think you're stand-offish and a bit cold. But you're actually a lot more sensitive, and funny, than people realize".

Another example: "I get the sense it takes you a while to trust people, because you've been hurt before by someone who was really close to you. But the people that do earn your trust, you would do anything for them".

Yet another: "I can tell that you're someone who usually plays it safe and doesn't take chances, but sometimes you've regretted it because you missed out an opportunity. But then other times, you're spontaneous and adventurous, and you do take chances..and that's when you've had some of the best times of your life" [this one is a good one to work in for SNL-style game].

If she agrees with one of these "reads" [and honestly, I've never had a woman flat-out disagree], I'll follow up by telling her that I can totally relate, because I'm the same way.

This builds a bond between me and her instantly. In order to solidify the bond, I'll tell a quick story - one that illustrates how I'm the same type of person [a good idea: if you've got five cold reads ready to use, you should also have five short stories to illustrate how you embody those same qualities].

A similar tactic is using "Barnum statements", named after the circus showman P. T. Barnum. These statements apply to just about anybody, but they give the impression that you're tapping into her inner psyche.

One of my favorites is "I can tell something has been weighing on your mind. You're on the verge of making an important decision in your life, aren't you?" This is a good one, because pretty much all of us, at any given time, are contemplating a big decision..or one that is big to us, at least.

Regardless, she'll be surprised and impressed that you knew that about her. She'll probably volunteer more information - and now you're engaged in a deep, authentic conversation instead of trying to fill awkward pauses, or drag her onto the dance floor.

Much of what a cold reader does is simply repeating back what the subject has said, as if he already knew the answer.

For example, if she affirms that she's on the verge of making a big decision, nod wisely and say something along the lines of, "Yes, that's right, and you're really having a hard time with it".

In other words, claim her answer as your own.

Some other examples of cold reads that are vague yet "profound":

"You have a strong need for others to like and admire you, but you also have a tendency to be critical of yourself".

"You've got a hidden talent, or a passion, that most people don't know about, and you want to pursue it..but something is holding you back".

"At times, you're really social and out-going. But other times, you're reserved and introverted".

Now that you understand the idea behind cold reads, you can make your own. Based on her vibe, the way she's dressed, and how she acts during the first few minutes of conversation, you should be able to use a "read" that applies to her.

Keep in mind that this is just one example of an original, thought-provoking conversational tactic. There's only so much I can squeeze into my posts, what with med school and all taking up so much of my time.

But I know it's helpful for you guys, and it helps me to get these thoughts and ideas out "on paper", helping me register them in my own mind more cleanly and clearly.

~h

Cold Reading

Cold reading is a technique often used by mentalists, fortune tellers, psychics, and mediums to determine details about another person in order to convince them that the reader knows much more about a subject than he or she actually does.

Even without prior knowledge of a person, a practiced cold reader can still quickly obtain a great deal of information about the subject by carefully analyzing the person's body language, clothing or fashion, hairstyle, gender, sexual orientation, religion, race or ethnicity, level of education, manner of speech, place of origin, etc. - check out some of Derren Brown's stuff on YouTube or Google video for a better idea of how this can be used in such completely unfamiliar settings or circumstances [especially the clip when he's in the club/lounge with 3 girls and exposes their inner thoughts or something].

Cold readers commonly employ high probability guesses about the subject, quickly picking up on signals from their subjects as to whether their guesses are in the right direction or not, and then emphasizing and reinforcing any chance connections the subjects acknowledge while quickly moving on from missed guesses.

Cold reading can also be used, much more importantly in my mind, to set and develop frames for people to fit into. This is a very beneficial use of cold reading. I have a few examples of this in some emails and texts that I've been sending out [check out my Some Text Messages and Mass Text Message posts from before], and I'll probably post some of those soon, to provide a better idea of this.

Also, I'll be posting some general as well as specific cold reading routines soon, so check back for them in the next few days :-)

~h

Some Points on Body Language Bouncing Around in My Mind

Simply try avoiding the most common mistakes that you have by watching your own body language. You should be replacing the bad movements with more confident movements. This will make huge difference in your interactions in set.

Here you will find eight of the most common body language destroyers that will leave your target unimpressed. You want to train your body to naturally avoid these harmful movements, and you’ll see that these simple changes can make all the difference in the world.

1. Avoiding eye contact
In a one-on-one conversation, do you glance to the side, down at your feet, or anywhere but your target? Ever catch yourself looking over the shoulder of the person you’re talking to?

This says that you lack confidence, nervousness, and incongruent with high value identity.

Next time, try keeping your eyes on your target. Spend 80% of the time looking into the eyes of your target. The majority of people spend too much time looking everywhere else but their target's eyes. Not surprisingly, most people can change this behavior instantly simply by watching a video of themselves. Powerful gurus look at their target directly in the eye when gaming.

*Exception - freeze outs, punishment for bad behavior.

2. Blocking: Allowing an obstacle to get in between you and your target
Another common mistake is putting something between you and your target. Closing off your body language like: crossing your arms, standing behind a podium or chair, talking to someone from behind them, or standing in between something and your target..all of which prevent a real connection from taking place.

Next time, try maintaining open body language, and make sure nothing is between you and the target. Keep your hands apart and your palms up, pointed toward the ceiling. Remove physical barriers between you and your listeners.

3. General Nervousness: Fidgeting, rocking or swaying
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unsure, or incongruent. Fidgeting, rocking, and swaying don’t serve any purpose other than lowering your value. Let’s imagine for a second a top guru who becomes nervous because the target is unresponsive. He and his wings actually say they have the event under control, and they have learned valuable lessons from their failure.

But their body language suggests otherwise.

Next time, remember that the biggest problem is rocking back and forth as you deliver the routines. It reflects a lack of competence, control, and becomes unnatural. Eventually learning to move with purpose, you can and will avoid social suicide. The target will leave the venue confident that she will see you again and that you are congruent.

4. Hands in your pockets or clasped together
Keeping your hands stiffly by your side or in your pockets can give the impression that you’re uninterested, uncommitted, or nervous — whether you are or not doesn't matter; it's the appearance that will break your frame.

Next time, try taking your hands out of your pocket and use them for purposeful, assertive hand gestures. Engaging both hands above the waist is an example of a complex hand gesture that reflects complex thinking and gives the target confidence, comfort, and trust in you.

5. Standing or sitting perfectly still
Ineffective PUAs barely move, staying in one spot during an entire night. What it says about them, however, is that they are rigid, nervous, and boring; in other words, they're not engaging or social.

Next time, try to animate your body, not your slides. Walk. Move, jump, dance, grab a beer, whatever..anything is better than sitting still.

Most PUAs think they need to stand stuck in one place. What they don’t realize is that movement is not only acceptable, it’s welcomed. Some of the greatest PUAs walk into sets, and they're constantly moving with purpose.

For example, a guru will walk from one side of the room to another to captivate a target. This builds in false takeaways, freeze outs, and punishment for bad behavior. He will point to what he talks about, and he'll place his hand on the targets' shoulders instead of keeping the bodies distant.

6. Slouching, or being hunched over
Poor posture is often associated with a lack of confidence and can reflect, or be presumed to reflect, a lack of engagement or interest. What it reflects: you are not alpha, you lack confidence.

Next time, try keeping your head up and your back straight. You can roll your shoulders back to get into good posture. When standing stationary, be sure to place your feet at shoulder width and lean back [to show higher value] or slightly forward [you will look far more interested, engaged, and enthusiastic]. Pull your shoulders slightly forward as well — you’ll appear more masculine. Your head and spine should be straight.

Don’t use a tabletop or podium as an excuse to lean on it.

7. Using phony gestures
This says you that you’re over-coached, unnatural, or artificial. Use gestures; just don’t over-do it.

Research has shown that gestures reflect complex thought patterns. Gestures will leave your target with the perception of confidence, competence, control, and congruency. But the minute you copy a hand gesture, you risk looking contrived — like a bad politician.

Remember, do not use hand gestures that you are unfamiliar with. Also, try not to copy anyone else's body language; instead, straighten up your body language and stay congruent throughout the social interaction.

8. Jingling coins, tapping fingers or feet, & other annoying movements or sounds
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unpolished, or insufficiently concerned with details. Use a video camera to tape yourself. Play it back with a crucial eye. Can you find annoying gestures that you weren’t aware of?

I once watched an author who had written a book on Pick Up. He couldn’t help but jingle the coins in his pocket throughout the entire talk - he certainly didn’t score points on the PUA scale.

Remember, nervous energy will reflect itself in toe-tapping, touching your face, or moving your leg up and down. It’s an easy fix..once you catch yourself in the act!

Dynamic and powerful body language will help you kick up the power of your pick up.

So be sure to work on your body language - pay as much attention to it as the words you use, and watch your game soar!

~h

"The Pick Up Artist, Season 2 Is a Go!" -Mystery, and Mehow's Ass Slap Group PureKino Routine

Check it out, a little after 5.5 minutes into the video:




And here's the Mehow PureKino Ass Slap routine:



~h

Finding and Using Specific Venues with Built-In DHVs

Today, I'm tumbling some generalizations about pickup through my head to see what I come up with. Large brush strokes. In this vein, a lot of things can be said.

Your success or failure with women has no bearing whatsoever on your value as a human being.

Massive repetition of social interaction is the only way to develop a noticeably improved social intelligence.

Game is, fundamentally, the expression of your inner state, conveyed through the rhythms you use to direct the energy of the interaction.

These are all valid and valuable insights. But I am drawn back to the over-arching truth about pickup, which is as follows:

Always be cooler than the girl.

In other words, when you're trying to attract and captivate a woman, it's always about VALUE. Are you someone who she could gain value from being with? Ultimately, this is the main factor in her decision whether or not to hop in the sack with you.

Of course, the idea of "value" is largely subjective, meaning it can take many, many different forms and mean different things to different people.

It was these realizations that led to the development of the tactic called the "display of higher value", or DHV.

As you're probably aware by now, you need to look at any given pickup as a PROCESS.

After you find a girl you want to get to know, the first step is to OPEN her. This is basically the act of approaching and initiating a conversation.

After that, you need to HOOK the set, and hook it FAST. After you open the set, you have a very short window in which to generate some attraction and hook it, or else you'll end up with an interaction that goes nowhere.

There are many, many different ways to build attraction FAST, as is necessary when you want to hook a set. Out of all of these, the display of higher value may be the most effective of all.

There are many ways to go about this. You might do it by being very commanding and sure of yourself, controlling and directing the conversation, and showing a high tolerance to social pressure.

You might say something that shows you're very knowledgeable about a particular subject. It could just come from the way you're dressed and the way you carry yourself.

No matter how you approach it, a display of higher value is almost guaranteed to get the girls looking at you in a favorable light, one conducive to getting you L-A-I-D.

Based on all this, it kind of goes without saying that I'm always looking for an angle to go all DHV on that ass.

It was with this in mind that I STUMBLED upon a magical discovery: some VENUES are actually engineered with displays of higher value BUILT-IN.

Yes, that's right. There are certain settings and places you can go that, by their very nature, ensure you will come off as someone with higher value, if you know how to work it right.

As I said, I stumbled upon this accidentally in my early stages of development in the game. If you didn't know, I'm a "fan" of the ART of KARAOKE.

I try to get out there whenever possible, for the pure entertainment value it provides. Over the years, I've gotten pretty good at it, not just the singing part, but the whole stage presence, how to work the crowd, etc.

I like this stuff, because for three and a half minutes at a time, I can pretend I have emotions. Which is cool. Sort of.

Anyway, I used to go there just to "sing" and watch others "sing" as well. But after I started getting involved in the game, I started looking out for chicks in the venue that I could practice on.

What I noticed wasn't really that surprising, but shook my head up nonetheless: after I got up and sang, girls would throw me approach invitations like it was nobody's business. Sets would open like a hot knife through butter. The chicks would literally have stars in their freakin' eyes.
It's crazy..it's like the karaoke casts a spell that magically obscures the fact that I'm just a semi-drunk dude looking to get laid.

One chick even told me after we had sex, "I had to sleep with you. You sang one of my favorite songs!"

I'm like, "Uhhh... ok...? This is your SELECTION CRITERIA?" Whatever!

The point of all this is: I had a pre-existing hobby which I happened to excel at, and I discovered that it dove-tailed nicely with my new interest in pick-up.

In other words, I had a venue that held, for me at least, a built-in DHV. A niche market.

I've since found that the karaoke bar is a perfect venue for "day2s", or second meets with the girl after I get her phone number. I'm socially-proofed there, there's little or no competition to speak of, and I get the opportunity to project higher value on myself through my karaoke craftsmanship.

Note, I never make a big deal out of it, like, "Oh, we HAVE to go to KARAOKE, I LOOVE IT!" If I were to do that, it would make it seem contrived, like I plotted and planned this whole thing to impress her.

Instead, I throw it out real casually, as though it's just an off-the-cuff idea I had for a fun date.

Sometimes, I'll just tell them the name of the bar and have them meet me there without letting on what it is. Before I go up, I always downplay it, saying how much I suck, etc.

I'm not suggesting you go to the karaoke bar here. This ain't no American Idol. What I definitely WOULD recommend is that you try to hunt down niche markets that work FOR YOU.

Let me throw out some other examples to give you some ideas to brainstorm off of:

Salsa or swing dancing. Not my thing personally, but many people, including one of my boys, are into this stuff. If you can dance, these events are a great, fun way to show some value while getting physical at the same time. From what I hear, people hook up at these things ALL THE TIME, which makes sense - dancing is equated to sex, especially in a woman's mind. Something to consider.

Sporting events in sports that you're good at. This could be a softball game with your friends in the park. Hell, it could even be bowling or miniature golf, which has definitely worked nicely for me as a day2. It doesn't necessarily have to be anything very "cool"..as long as you're displaying value in the context of the activity, it has the desired effect.

I mean, come on..karaoke? Not really that cool, but trust me..it works.

Another idea might be an art show, if you're really well-versed in the ins and outs of that scene.

You get the picture.

One thing to watch out for, though, make sure the venue or event isn't TOO NERDY.

One of my friends is a big fan of this "Pub Quiz". You know what this is, it's like trivia night at the pub, with teams competing for prizes. The problem here is, it's usually completely devoid of hot chicks. The same warning would apply to things like Star Trek conventions and the like. Use common sense.

Anyway, this is an incredibly powerful concept that every aspiring pick up artist should leverage to their advantage: niche markets.

~h

The Lost Art of Flirting: Go After the Girl, and Attract Her to Get Her Chasing You

Flirting - we were all masters in nursery school. But as we grow older, we lose our artistic flirting perfection. For a moment, let's look back: let's remember flirting in its most basic form.

You may recall being in nursery school or middle school and playing games, like "boys vs. girls".

That was the game where you ran around after girls trying to "get" them, and then they tried to "get" you; meanwhile, both pretended they didn't like the opposite sex. It was a game of popularity, stamina, and confusion that involved a lot of running around.

This game is flirting at its most basic and instinctual level.

In all honesty, flirting now isn't much different than it was then, in nursery school: you tease a girl to get her to chase you, then you chase after her, then you switch back and repeat over and over.

As long as you don't lose the momentum of the game, eventually she will want to be your girlfriend.

Realize that there is no secret number of games, negs/pebbles, hoops, tests, or DHVs to make love happen.

In fact, these things are just names for the little pieces of the overall process of flirting, which loop on and on until you have intense attraction. Let's take a look at how each of these common terms fit into the "boys vs. girls" analogy as well as the overall dating game:

Push/pull: The idea of flirting; a tit for a tat; the concept of "boys vs. girls"

Disqualifier: Teasing [pushing/shoving away, or making them run after you - this is the whole "bet you can't catch me!" part of the "boys vs. girls" game]

Negs/Pebbles: Another form of teasing

Qualifier: Complimenting [pulling, or slowing down so they can catch you - because if they never caught you, it wouldn't be much fun to play]

DHV: Showing that you are cool through actions, words, or presence; this is done at any time, but is especially important early on [you have to be worth running after]

Test: A trap she has set up to prevent you from catching her; this must be handled/answered correctly, or you are thrown out of the attraction loop

Hoop: A type of trap you need to avoid

If you use these this information to play the game correctly, you will enter a loop of pushing and pulling. This is in essence a flirting loop, and it creates intense attraction. As you continue the loop, it gets heated up; when the loop is hot enough, you have to pull the trigger and take your interaction to the next level.

Here's to helping to connect the pieces of the puzzle so that we can all see the big picture easier than those who came before us. Good luck, and see you in the field.

~h

A Quick Word on Body Language

Question: how's your body language?

Besides being able to escalate, I'd say the second most important factor in your game is body language.

Unless you carry a body-length mirror around with you, you're probably not aware of how you look to others.

Even if you're doing a certain technique properly, for example, spreading your arms out, or standing up straight, or leaning against a wall to look "cool", you may be doing it with the wrong energy.

You see, good body language is not about a specific stance or "look." It's about the energy behind it.

For example, you can stick your chest out because you want to look confident, or because you feel confident.

These two energies are opposites.

And women can pick up on your energy.

If you are trying to have good body language, I can almost guarantee that you don't.

In fact, the more effort you make to have good body language, the worse it will be - you will come across as nervous and self-conscious.

Women have finely-tuned radar to pick upon this, because it says way more about a guy than anything he could say with his mouth.

That's why real game is almost impossible to fake - women are wired to pick up on "fakery."

For thousands of years, women had too much at stake to be duped by an insecure guy trying to look confident. If they mated with the wrong guy, they were screwed - literally!

Body language is one of the hardest things to fix on your own, simply because you can't see yourself all the time.

Most guys have bad habits when it comes to their posture, movement, eye contact, and pace at which they move and talk.

And it's the culmination of all these physical expressions that give a woman an overall impression of who you are inside.

It's who you are inside that actually causes women to become attracted to you.

Sure a cool shirt, good looks, and other purely visual cues can help.

But ultimately it's how a man thinks that attracts women to him.

Women can tell where your attention is at. Not because they are mind readers. They are just extremely perceptive of men's non-verbal cues. So maybe she doesn't know exactly what your thoughts are..but she can tell if you're nervous.

And this conveys that you a) place her on a pedestal relative to yourself, and b) you want her approval.

This is very weak and unattractive to women.

Ask yourself this - have you ever been in a situation where someone was supposed to be in control - maybe an authority figure or someone who was supposed to be an "expert" - and this person was tense, fidgety, and spoke fast and quiet.

You probably lost a lot of respect for him or her, and didn't give a lot of credence to what they said.

Now for women, respect and attraction are almost synonymous. A woman can only be attracted to a man she respects.

In fact, the feeling you have for a man you respect is the same feeling a woman feels when she's attracted to a man, only she also feels a biological drive to have sex with him - there's a physical response added to this "respect."

So how do you get someone to respect you?

Well we all know guys who are complete morons, but they garner respect - people look to them as an authority or leader.

Why?

Because of their non-verbal cues.

You see, these non-verbal cues say things about the guy that you can't directly observe.

A guy with calm, confident bodylanguage, a loud, slow voice, and strong eye contact is in effect saying, "I know what I'm doing. I'm in control. You can relax and trust me to lead you."

Think about how powerful that message is to anybody - let alone to a woman.

Now there's good news and bad news.

The bad news - you can't fake it. Women can tell, because there will be one small behavior you're not aware of that will give you away.

Maybe you will jerk your head too fast, or lean over a little too much, or stand with your feet too close together [or too far apart!].

Yup, she can tell if you're over-compensating, or hiding yourself out of fear [nervousness].

And this says, "I don't know what I'm doing. You're more important than me. I'm trying to look confident because I want you to like me and GIVE ME SEX."

Bad bad bad.

And no matter how smooth your conversational skills are, you will fall flat.

This can lead to a lot of frustration with guys who have worked really hard to be great conversationalists, and have memorized all kinds of lines and techniques.

They are still hitting a brick wall and continuing to struggle, because they have bad body language.

In fact, having good conversation skills with bad body language will actually make things worse, because the woman will simply think you're really good at faking.

She won't trust you.

This accounts for a lot of the flaking that women do with men. They hear his smooth words, but see shaky body language, and immediately don't trust him.

You have to be congruent.

And this brings me to the good news - women always believe body language.

So if you really are confident and focused on the right stuff, your body language will naturally handle itself. And she will be attracted to you.

It's that easy: focus on the right stuff, and your body language will align accordingly. Then, she will infer what's going on inside you - your confidence, your attitude, and your energy, and she will instantly feel attraction.

It's the most important thing, because A POWERFUL FOCUS NATURALLY LEADS TO A GOOD STATE, AND THIS WILL LEAD TO ATTRACTIVE BEHAVIOR.

And this behavior will always be congruent - your whole being will be aligned - because it stems from your core, who you really are!

If you are hitting a brick wall, despite the fact that you've read all the pickup theory out there, and have hundreds of approaches under your belt, you most likely have a body language problem.

And this is grounded in a FOCUS PROBLEM; remember, relax, be confident, and focus on the right stuff.

~h

Approach Anxiety, and How to Overcome It

Just now, I was sitting at my desk going through a few emails from guys with one common enemy.

Approach anxiety.

What exactly is approach anxiety?

It's the fear that suddenly floods your entire body when you think it's time to approach a woman that you like. It also paralyzes you to the point where it's hard to be yourself.

This enemy has more control over you than you think.

It controls your thoughts, your emotions, your feelings..and it manipulates you and forces you to do things that you don't want to do.

It robs you of the experience of meeting more women whenever you like.

The bottom line is that it's a big barrier that's standing in between you and your dreams of becoming more successful with women and dating.

..and if you don't do anything about it, things could get really UGLY.

On the flip side, without it, you can have the luxury to meet any woman you desire, anytime you want.

You have to learn how to overcome this fear, or you'll be living as it's prisoner every single day of your single life.

And it's not going to be fun.

I was once a prisoner of this fear. It ruled my life, until I found a simple way to slaughter this ugly enemy, and start meeting women confidently.

I'm about to share with you an easy way to break free from approach anxiety.

The best way to beat approach anxiety is creating "Approaching Behavior" - you need to train your body how to respond to the fear and anxiety you'll feel when you want to approach a woman.

For example, when you see a woman you want to approach, instead of walking away and not doing anything, start breaking the habit and DO SOMETHING about it.

You don't have to get her number.

You don't have to make her like you.

..you just have to do something about it.

You've got to create Approaching behavior.

You've got to train your body to respond in a way that will move you towards getting the girl and away from the fear that controls you.

If you're just starting out and you have IMMENSE fear of approaching women, then here's what you should do.

Start small and take baby steps, my friend.

Guys often ask me "What's the biggest SECRET to getting good with women really fast?"

My answer is simple - instant action.

If you want immediate results in your dating life, then you're going to have to take ACTION. You won't get good sitting on your ass and reading my cool-as-shit blog.

You've got to take these techniques and turn it into results, and you can do that by taking action, trying this stuff out in the real world.

Ask yourself this: what did you do the last time you saw a woman you wanted to meet?

Here's a plan to follow to make sure it doesn't happen that way again. Next time you see a woman you'd like to meet, follow these basic steps:
1. Walk up to her
2. Ask her a question
3. Walk away

Try to make it a daily habit to approach attractive women. All of this might seem simple but it's a giant leap from living in fear to breaking out of your shell and becoming confident.

This is the first step to developing the proper Approaching behavior.

When you do this you'll realize how easy it is to approach women and start a conversation.

You'll have a feeling of relief.

You'll tell yourself, "Man, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be!"

And it will bring you one step closer to becoming a confident man who can meet any woman, anywhere, at any time.

A skill that 99% of men out there don't have.

Trust me, after you've developed this super cool ability to meet women on demand, every single guy you know will be jealous and curious - jealous of your results, and curious to know how you did it.

~h

Vin DiCarlo, on Preventing Flaking

About 45 minutes or so of pretty solid content..check it out, here

~h

LR: Cruise

Okay, so here's the family vacation post.

Unfortunately, I only had a short summer vacation this time - I think about 5-6 weeks long.

Yay.

Especially because my family and I went on this cruise, which was fuckin' tiiight, don't get me wrong..but it took out nearly 2 weeks of my summer. And I really wanted to milk being at home for all I could :-)

Anyways, the quick summary: I had 2 lays on the cruise, the first being a black bartender girl and the second being a white British trainer in the gym. The 2 more I could've had, if I'd had the time, were this fiiine black masseuse and the hot brunette dancer who, needless to say, had a tight-ass body. But there just wasn't the time, because I didn't see either of them enough to close them.

The black bartender chick, she was pretty quick and easy, actually; the main thing with her was initiating contact [considering she was at the bar, that wasn't too hard], and then keeping out interaction light, with sexualized talk thrown into the mix.

For example, she would sing, pretty loud, some random songs. Obviously, this was an attempt to get attention drawn to herself. So I figured, the best thing to do is give her the attention she's seeking, as long as she complies with the direction that I lead the interaction.

So I would tease her about her singing, and how she was off-key or she was running out of songs, or she was like a bird that wouldn't shut up.

Then, I would talk about things, like what there was to do for fun on a ship, especially when the crew is always on the ship, don't they get bored, etc. And from there, I'd take it totally exaggerated in a sexual way, like they have mad orgies, with the captain taking command and his second-in-command being the cameraman, etc.

Add in a few sexual routines like Strawberry Fields, and after only talking with her twice, we met up at night after she got off work at the "club". From there, we just stuck with mundane chit-chat for a bit, then we went back to her cabin [mine had my brother and sister crammed in there with me, so that wouldn't have worked :-p], and I went to work on that phattt ass! ;-)

The British gym trainer girl was a bit more involved, partly because I couldn't grab her attention much 1-on-1, since there'd be some class or client always around for her to work with, and partly because she would be at the gym from 6am-11pm..crazy, right?

So I just made sure to smile and make small-talk with her every time I was in the gym. I noticed that she wore rings, so I made a mental note to use Rings on Fingers at some point, even if I had to do at the gym itself.

But as luck would have it, they had this "White Party" at the "club" one night after dinner and the entertainment, and I was accidentally prepared because I'd brought a wife-beater as well as my white sports jacket, so I rolled to the party with that on. And who should be there, but the trainer chick. So I ran a couple of attraction pieces, but I knew I didn't need too many because I was already getting plenty of IOIs, so I moved into qualification and comfort from there, talking about my little brother, and my mom's near-death, etc. I also worked in the Rings on Fingers routine, as well as Strawberry Fields, to sexualize the talk, too.

It was almost a text-book example, with everything working and clicking with her, plenty of kino and even some take-aways on my part so as to not come off too strong or needy, checking out the rest of the party, getting another drink, that sort of deal. Which, of course, only worked to make her chase me even more.

At the end of the party, I told her I wasn't done for the night and asked her what she had planned for the rest of the night. Then I took her up outside to the deck, where we held hands and cuddled on one of the lounge chairs, watching the ocean in the middle of night. And of course, it was windy as hell, so we ended back inside, wide awake, and she suggested we go to her room and chill there. And I knew it was going down - all we had to do was get our asses to her room!

And, what a sweeeet ass she had ;-)

~h

On Inner Game

I couldn't have put it any better myself..


Cajun on Inner Game

Inner game is probably one of the most misunderstood concepts in dating science. It's a major sticking point for nearly everyone who has trouble talking to women and it's a problem that can be difficult to fix as well, since it tends to be rooted in a lifetime's worth of negative beliefs that are based on things like fear and rejection. Inner game is also a topic that I think can only be discussed from a personal level, that is, I can't convince you how to think or look at life differently - only you can do that - but I can tell you how I overcame the very same problems, and hope that you can learn from my experiences.

First up - the most important factors in inner game are your experience and your mindset. Most inner game problems that men run into with women, and actually with life in general, can be traced back to one of these two areas.

Experience:

When people ask me how I developed the kind of confidence that allows me to consistently approach and seduce beautiful women, I always answer the same way: "Practice". If you've done something enough times to be comfortable with it, you become confident - it's usually the new or unfamiliar situations that cause people to doubt themselves. The sad and somewhat ironic reality is that most men are not comfortable talking to women simply because they don't talk to women! It's a negative feedback loop that's perpetuated by a fear of "what might go wrong". This is important. To be scared of the possible negative outcomes is to be scared of the very thing that enables you to get better.

Think about it this way: when you were learning to ride a bicycle, were you too scared to get on because of a fear that you might fall down? Maybe you were, but you got on anyway because you saw how much fun all the other kids were having, and you realized that the reward was worth the risk. Think of dating science the same way. I remember when I first started out with this stuff, I used to get drinks thrown in my face, told off, or simply ignored. The first few weeks were rough; it took me a while before I got used to rejection enough that I could understand where I went wrong. Getting used to rejection isn't easy, but the best advice I can give you is to simply accept it, don't get mad at her or yourself, don't go home, just accept that it's a completely normal, and necessary part of the learning process. You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. The sooner you realize that rejection is a necessary evil, the sooner you can come to terms with it and move past it. I can't count the number of one-on-one or bootcamp students I've had who were too scared to approach beautiful women at the beginning of the night and were going home with them at the end.

Mind Set:

Most of us grew up in a society that believed in a dual-concentric circle model of reality. That is, the outer circle being reality, or the world around us, and the inner circle being our consciousness. We experience the outer circle; reality, through our inner circle; our consciousness. This is how we believed reality worked; that our consciousness was independent of it...but recently this all changed.

We are now learning through quantum physics that reality is actually the inner circle, and that our consciousness is the outer circle. That is; reality exists inside our mind, we create our own reality with our thoughts (Or beliefs, if you'd rather).

What does this mean?

As far as any of us know, there may only be 1 reality; your own. Who's to say I'm not a figment of your imagination, your reality, writing this entire article out to send a message to YOU, from your subconscious mind. It's possible.

The truth is, whether any of us actually exist or not is irrelevant. Life is a game, and it's a game that a lot of people are scared to play. Don't be one of them.

I recently received an email from a former student of mine asking about the power of beliefs, and how they work. I replied with the following:

"Think of it this way: what if, let's say, 15 years from now programmers invent this computer game that is virtually identical to reality. The game is so smart you can't tell it's not a real person. The five senses are so accurately programmed that there is no detectable difference to reality. Now, you get to play this game, but the programmer tells you some hints on how to play, he says this:

"This software is programmed to work intuitively with your brain. So, if you want to be, let's say, a rich Casanova in the game, then all you have to do is believe that you ARE a rich Casanova, and you will become one. The trick is you have to actually believe it, and then the program takes care of the rest. In fact you can have, and be anything you want in this program as long as you ask for it using these "beliefs". Think of it as your "console hack""

I'm sure you saw this coming, but this "game" already exists and it's called reality. You become who you believe you are."

Sound a little like the matrix? Well that's ok, like I said; I can only give advice on inner game from my own personal perspective and this is simply how I believe reality works.

I'll end this article with something that I've never written about before:

I remember the very night that I became good at attracting women, I remember because I had an epiphany that night and it was so mind-blowing that I had to write it down as soon as I came home. It has since become my mantra, and I know that if down the road I ever forget everything that I've learned in the past few years, all I will have to do is read this piece of paper and it will all come back. What does the paper say?

"The secret to becoming amazing at attracting women is...to remember that you already are."


I think the video game analogy is a great one; in fact, it's one that I use myself, and have been for some time now, and use it to get across this same idea to my friends when helping them out with their own game problems, especially issues like Approach Anxiety.

At the end of the day, it is all just a game - all of life itself, actually, like a Sims game: you go through your daily routine, and certain things happen, certain people come and go in that day, and depending on your actions, you affect the outcome. So, if you see 3 cute girls at the gym, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, and you approach one over the others, your path is now going down her direction.

If you approach all of them [ideal ;-)], then you've just created 3 paths that you can go down, possibly all of them if you choose to.

However, if you approach none of them, then nothing is going to happen with any of them, and they'll be gone, possibly forever..

..for example, I've got a story to post on, from the gym, with HBPinkHat and especially HBMonicaBellucci - both were wide open for me, and I missed them both..and now have nothing to show for it.

Monica Bellucci, by the way:


At the same time, I have an update with HBBlackMILF, which was a matter of me pushing it and seeing how things unfold, down that path.

Remember, it's all..just..a game - so go play.

~h