More Thoughts on Cold Reading

This post deals with the idea of cold reading. Keep in mind that originality is the most important quality that you can convey to a woman - from the way you dress to how you approach the ladies and engage them in conversation.

On the other hand, when you fail to make a unique impression, she's going to automatically lump you in with the last 37 chumps who tried to buy her a drink - and within three minutes of you paying for her $12 cocktail, she'll be excusing herself to "go find her friend." As if her friend is lost somewhere in the nightclub, in desperate need of food and water..

The key to building a bond with her is to engage her attention and to get her to share information about herself.

Then you'll tell her how much you relate and establish rapport with her.

One of my favorite conversational tactics for accomplishing this is by using cold reads. This technique, which as I mentioned in my previous post is used to great effect by psychics and palm readers, is a way to make the other person feel like you understand what makes them tick, and what they're going through, without them directly telling you.

The trick with cold reads is that the "observations" you're making apply to virtually anyone. Yet there are psychological reasons why they work so effectively.

Human beings are self-centered, and we generally accept claims about ourselves that reflect how we wish to be.

Also, people are vain. We want to be seen as unique.

Even though cold reads are usually vague generalizations [which would apply to your Aunt Bernice, just as they would to the hottie partying with her friends at the nightclub], we want to agree with the person who skillfully "reads" us, and we'll believe they have unusual powers of perception.

So forget about asking the generic "job interview" questions - "So what's your name", "where are you from", etc.

Example: if I'm in a club, talking to some babe who's acting a bit hard to get, I'll bust out a cold read along the lines of:

"You know, HB, I get the sense that a lot of guys get the wrong idea when they first meet you. They think you're stand-offish and a bit cold. But you're actually a lot more sensitive, and funny, than people realize".

Another example: "I get the sense it takes you a while to trust people, because you've been hurt before by someone who was really close to you. But the people that do earn your trust, you would do anything for them".

Yet another: "I can tell that you're someone who usually plays it safe and doesn't take chances, but sometimes you've regretted it because you missed out an opportunity. But then other times, you're spontaneous and adventurous, and you do take chances..and that's when you've had some of the best times of your life" [this one is a good one to work in for SNL-style game].

If she agrees with one of these "reads" [and honestly, I've never had a woman flat-out disagree], I'll follow up by telling her that I can totally relate, because I'm the same way.

This builds a bond between me and her instantly. In order to solidify the bond, I'll tell a quick story - one that illustrates how I'm the same type of person [a good idea: if you've got five cold reads ready to use, you should also have five short stories to illustrate how you embody those same qualities].

A similar tactic is using "Barnum statements", named after the circus showman P. T. Barnum. These statements apply to just about anybody, but they give the impression that you're tapping into her inner psyche.

One of my favorites is "I can tell something has been weighing on your mind. You're on the verge of making an important decision in your life, aren't you?" This is a good one, because pretty much all of us, at any given time, are contemplating a big decision..or one that is big to us, at least.

Regardless, she'll be surprised and impressed that you knew that about her. She'll probably volunteer more information - and now you're engaged in a deep, authentic conversation instead of trying to fill awkward pauses, or drag her onto the dance floor.

Much of what a cold reader does is simply repeating back what the subject has said, as if he already knew the answer.

For example, if she affirms that she's on the verge of making a big decision, nod wisely and say something along the lines of, "Yes, that's right, and you're really having a hard time with it".

In other words, claim her answer as your own.

Some other examples of cold reads that are vague yet "profound":

"You have a strong need for others to like and admire you, but you also have a tendency to be critical of yourself".

"You've got a hidden talent, or a passion, that most people don't know about, and you want to pursue it..but something is holding you back".

"At times, you're really social and out-going. But other times, you're reserved and introverted".

Now that you understand the idea behind cold reads, you can make your own. Based on her vibe, the way she's dressed, and how she acts during the first few minutes of conversation, you should be able to use a "read" that applies to her.

Keep in mind that this is just one example of an original, thought-provoking conversational tactic. There's only so much I can squeeze into my posts, what with med school and all taking up so much of my time.

But I know it's helpful for you guys, and it helps me to get these thoughts and ideas out "on paper", helping me register them in my own mind more cleanly and clearly.

~h

Cold Reading

Cold reading is a technique often used by mentalists, fortune tellers, psychics, and mediums to determine details about another person in order to convince them that the reader knows much more about a subject than he or she actually does.

Even without prior knowledge of a person, a practiced cold reader can still quickly obtain a great deal of information about the subject by carefully analyzing the person's body language, clothing or fashion, hairstyle, gender, sexual orientation, religion, race or ethnicity, level of education, manner of speech, place of origin, etc. - check out some of Derren Brown's stuff on YouTube or Google video for a better idea of how this can be used in such completely unfamiliar settings or circumstances [especially the clip when he's in the club/lounge with 3 girls and exposes their inner thoughts or something].

Cold readers commonly employ high probability guesses about the subject, quickly picking up on signals from their subjects as to whether their guesses are in the right direction or not, and then emphasizing and reinforcing any chance connections the subjects acknowledge while quickly moving on from missed guesses.

Cold reading can also be used, much more importantly in my mind, to set and develop frames for people to fit into. This is a very beneficial use of cold reading. I have a few examples of this in some emails and texts that I've been sending out [check out my Some Text Messages and Mass Text Message posts from before], and I'll probably post some of those soon, to provide a better idea of this.

Also, I'll be posting some general as well as specific cold reading routines soon, so check back for them in the next few days :-)

~h

Some Points on Body Language Bouncing Around in My Mind

Simply try avoiding the most common mistakes that you have by watching your own body language. You should be replacing the bad movements with more confident movements. This will make huge difference in your interactions in set.

Here you will find eight of the most common body language destroyers that will leave your target unimpressed. You want to train your body to naturally avoid these harmful movements, and you’ll see that these simple changes can make all the difference in the world.

1. Avoiding eye contact
In a one-on-one conversation, do you glance to the side, down at your feet, or anywhere but your target? Ever catch yourself looking over the shoulder of the person you’re talking to?

This says that you lack confidence, nervousness, and incongruent with high value identity.

Next time, try keeping your eyes on your target. Spend 80% of the time looking into the eyes of your target. The majority of people spend too much time looking everywhere else but their target's eyes. Not surprisingly, most people can change this behavior instantly simply by watching a video of themselves. Powerful gurus look at their target directly in the eye when gaming.

*Exception - freeze outs, punishment for bad behavior.

2. Blocking: Allowing an obstacle to get in between you and your target
Another common mistake is putting something between you and your target. Closing off your body language like: crossing your arms, standing behind a podium or chair, talking to someone from behind them, or standing in between something and your target..all of which prevent a real connection from taking place.

Next time, try maintaining open body language, and make sure nothing is between you and the target. Keep your hands apart and your palms up, pointed toward the ceiling. Remove physical barriers between you and your listeners.

3. General Nervousness: Fidgeting, rocking or swaying
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unsure, or incongruent. Fidgeting, rocking, and swaying don’t serve any purpose other than lowering your value. Let’s imagine for a second a top guru who becomes nervous because the target is unresponsive. He and his wings actually say they have the event under control, and they have learned valuable lessons from their failure.

But their body language suggests otherwise.

Next time, remember that the biggest problem is rocking back and forth as you deliver the routines. It reflects a lack of competence, control, and becomes unnatural. Eventually learning to move with purpose, you can and will avoid social suicide. The target will leave the venue confident that she will see you again and that you are congruent.

4. Hands in your pockets or clasped together
Keeping your hands stiffly by your side or in your pockets can give the impression that you’re uninterested, uncommitted, or nervous — whether you are or not doesn't matter; it's the appearance that will break your frame.

Next time, try taking your hands out of your pocket and use them for purposeful, assertive hand gestures. Engaging both hands above the waist is an example of a complex hand gesture that reflects complex thinking and gives the target confidence, comfort, and trust in you.

5. Standing or sitting perfectly still
Ineffective PUAs barely move, staying in one spot during an entire night. What it says about them, however, is that they are rigid, nervous, and boring; in other words, they're not engaging or social.

Next time, try to animate your body, not your slides. Walk. Move, jump, dance, grab a beer, whatever..anything is better than sitting still.

Most PUAs think they need to stand stuck in one place. What they don’t realize is that movement is not only acceptable, it’s welcomed. Some of the greatest PUAs walk into sets, and they're constantly moving with purpose.

For example, a guru will walk from one side of the room to another to captivate a target. This builds in false takeaways, freeze outs, and punishment for bad behavior. He will point to what he talks about, and he'll place his hand on the targets' shoulders instead of keeping the bodies distant.

6. Slouching, or being hunched over
Poor posture is often associated with a lack of confidence and can reflect, or be presumed to reflect, a lack of engagement or interest. What it reflects: you are not alpha, you lack confidence.

Next time, try keeping your head up and your back straight. You can roll your shoulders back to get into good posture. When standing stationary, be sure to place your feet at shoulder width and lean back [to show higher value] or slightly forward [you will look far more interested, engaged, and enthusiastic]. Pull your shoulders slightly forward as well — you’ll appear more masculine. Your head and spine should be straight.

Don’t use a tabletop or podium as an excuse to lean on it.

7. Using phony gestures
This says you that you’re over-coached, unnatural, or artificial. Use gestures; just don’t over-do it.

Research has shown that gestures reflect complex thought patterns. Gestures will leave your target with the perception of confidence, competence, control, and congruency. But the minute you copy a hand gesture, you risk looking contrived — like a bad politician.

Remember, do not use hand gestures that you are unfamiliar with. Also, try not to copy anyone else's body language; instead, straighten up your body language and stay congruent throughout the social interaction.

8. Jingling coins, tapping fingers or feet, & other annoying movements or sounds
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unpolished, or insufficiently concerned with details. Use a video camera to tape yourself. Play it back with a crucial eye. Can you find annoying gestures that you weren’t aware of?

I once watched an author who had written a book on Pick Up. He couldn’t help but jingle the coins in his pocket throughout the entire talk - he certainly didn’t score points on the PUA scale.

Remember, nervous energy will reflect itself in toe-tapping, touching your face, or moving your leg up and down. It’s an easy fix..once you catch yourself in the act!

Dynamic and powerful body language will help you kick up the power of your pick up.

So be sure to work on your body language - pay as much attention to it as the words you use, and watch your game soar!

~h

"The Pick Up Artist, Season 2 Is a Go!" -Mystery, and Mehow's Ass Slap Group PureKino Routine

Check it out, a little after 5.5 minutes into the video:




And here's the Mehow PureKino Ass Slap routine:



~h

Finding and Using Specific Venues with Built-In DHVs

Today, I'm tumbling some generalizations about pickup through my head to see what I come up with. Large brush strokes. In this vein, a lot of things can be said.

Your success or failure with women has no bearing whatsoever on your value as a human being.

Massive repetition of social interaction is the only way to develop a noticeably improved social intelligence.

Game is, fundamentally, the expression of your inner state, conveyed through the rhythms you use to direct the energy of the interaction.

These are all valid and valuable insights. But I am drawn back to the over-arching truth about pickup, which is as follows:

Always be cooler than the girl.

In other words, when you're trying to attract and captivate a woman, it's always about VALUE. Are you someone who she could gain value from being with? Ultimately, this is the main factor in her decision whether or not to hop in the sack with you.

Of course, the idea of "value" is largely subjective, meaning it can take many, many different forms and mean different things to different people.

It was these realizations that led to the development of the tactic called the "display of higher value", or DHV.

As you're probably aware by now, you need to look at any given pickup as a PROCESS.

After you find a girl you want to get to know, the first step is to OPEN her. This is basically the act of approaching and initiating a conversation.

After that, you need to HOOK the set, and hook it FAST. After you open the set, you have a very short window in which to generate some attraction and hook it, or else you'll end up with an interaction that goes nowhere.

There are many, many different ways to build attraction FAST, as is necessary when you want to hook a set. Out of all of these, the display of higher value may be the most effective of all.

There are many ways to go about this. You might do it by being very commanding and sure of yourself, controlling and directing the conversation, and showing a high tolerance to social pressure.

You might say something that shows you're very knowledgeable about a particular subject. It could just come from the way you're dressed and the way you carry yourself.

No matter how you approach it, a display of higher value is almost guaranteed to get the girls looking at you in a favorable light, one conducive to getting you L-A-I-D.

Based on all this, it kind of goes without saying that I'm always looking for an angle to go all DHV on that ass.

It was with this in mind that I STUMBLED upon a magical discovery: some VENUES are actually engineered with displays of higher value BUILT-IN.

Yes, that's right. There are certain settings and places you can go that, by their very nature, ensure you will come off as someone with higher value, if you know how to work it right.

As I said, I stumbled upon this accidentally in my early stages of development in the game. If you didn't know, I'm a "fan" of the ART of KARAOKE.

I try to get out there whenever possible, for the pure entertainment value it provides. Over the years, I've gotten pretty good at it, not just the singing part, but the whole stage presence, how to work the crowd, etc.

I like this stuff, because for three and a half minutes at a time, I can pretend I have emotions. Which is cool. Sort of.

Anyway, I used to go there just to "sing" and watch others "sing" as well. But after I started getting involved in the game, I started looking out for chicks in the venue that I could practice on.

What I noticed wasn't really that surprising, but shook my head up nonetheless: after I got up and sang, girls would throw me approach invitations like it was nobody's business. Sets would open like a hot knife through butter. The chicks would literally have stars in their freakin' eyes.
It's crazy..it's like the karaoke casts a spell that magically obscures the fact that I'm just a semi-drunk dude looking to get laid.

One chick even told me after we had sex, "I had to sleep with you. You sang one of my favorite songs!"

I'm like, "Uhhh... ok...? This is your SELECTION CRITERIA?" Whatever!

The point of all this is: I had a pre-existing hobby which I happened to excel at, and I discovered that it dove-tailed nicely with my new interest in pick-up.

In other words, I had a venue that held, for me at least, a built-in DHV. A niche market.

I've since found that the karaoke bar is a perfect venue for "day2s", or second meets with the girl after I get her phone number. I'm socially-proofed there, there's little or no competition to speak of, and I get the opportunity to project higher value on myself through my karaoke craftsmanship.

Note, I never make a big deal out of it, like, "Oh, we HAVE to go to KARAOKE, I LOOVE IT!" If I were to do that, it would make it seem contrived, like I plotted and planned this whole thing to impress her.

Instead, I throw it out real casually, as though it's just an off-the-cuff idea I had for a fun date.

Sometimes, I'll just tell them the name of the bar and have them meet me there without letting on what it is. Before I go up, I always downplay it, saying how much I suck, etc.

I'm not suggesting you go to the karaoke bar here. This ain't no American Idol. What I definitely WOULD recommend is that you try to hunt down niche markets that work FOR YOU.

Let me throw out some other examples to give you some ideas to brainstorm off of:

Salsa or swing dancing. Not my thing personally, but many people, including one of my boys, are into this stuff. If you can dance, these events are a great, fun way to show some value while getting physical at the same time. From what I hear, people hook up at these things ALL THE TIME, which makes sense - dancing is equated to sex, especially in a woman's mind. Something to consider.

Sporting events in sports that you're good at. This could be a softball game with your friends in the park. Hell, it could even be bowling or miniature golf, which has definitely worked nicely for me as a day2. It doesn't necessarily have to be anything very "cool"..as long as you're displaying value in the context of the activity, it has the desired effect.

I mean, come on..karaoke? Not really that cool, but trust me..it works.

Another idea might be an art show, if you're really well-versed in the ins and outs of that scene.

You get the picture.

One thing to watch out for, though, make sure the venue or event isn't TOO NERDY.

One of my friends is a big fan of this "Pub Quiz". You know what this is, it's like trivia night at the pub, with teams competing for prizes. The problem here is, it's usually completely devoid of hot chicks. The same warning would apply to things like Star Trek conventions and the like. Use common sense.

Anyway, this is an incredibly powerful concept that every aspiring pick up artist should leverage to their advantage: niche markets.

~h

The Lost Art of Flirting: Go After the Girl, and Attract Her to Get Her Chasing You

Flirting - we were all masters in nursery school. But as we grow older, we lose our artistic flirting perfection. For a moment, let's look back: let's remember flirting in its most basic form.

You may recall being in nursery school or middle school and playing games, like "boys vs. girls".

That was the game where you ran around after girls trying to "get" them, and then they tried to "get" you; meanwhile, both pretended they didn't like the opposite sex. It was a game of popularity, stamina, and confusion that involved a lot of running around.

This game is flirting at its most basic and instinctual level.

In all honesty, flirting now isn't much different than it was then, in nursery school: you tease a girl to get her to chase you, then you chase after her, then you switch back and repeat over and over.

As long as you don't lose the momentum of the game, eventually she will want to be your girlfriend.

Realize that there is no secret number of games, negs/pebbles, hoops, tests, or DHVs to make love happen.

In fact, these things are just names for the little pieces of the overall process of flirting, which loop on and on until you have intense attraction. Let's take a look at how each of these common terms fit into the "boys vs. girls" analogy as well as the overall dating game:

Push/pull: The idea of flirting; a tit for a tat; the concept of "boys vs. girls"

Disqualifier: Teasing [pushing/shoving away, or making them run after you - this is the whole "bet you can't catch me!" part of the "boys vs. girls" game]

Negs/Pebbles: Another form of teasing

Qualifier: Complimenting [pulling, or slowing down so they can catch you - because if they never caught you, it wouldn't be much fun to play]

DHV: Showing that you are cool through actions, words, or presence; this is done at any time, but is especially important early on [you have to be worth running after]

Test: A trap she has set up to prevent you from catching her; this must be handled/answered correctly, or you are thrown out of the attraction loop

Hoop: A type of trap you need to avoid

If you use these this information to play the game correctly, you will enter a loop of pushing and pulling. This is in essence a flirting loop, and it creates intense attraction. As you continue the loop, it gets heated up; when the loop is hot enough, you have to pull the trigger and take your interaction to the next level.

Here's to helping to connect the pieces of the puzzle so that we can all see the big picture easier than those who came before us. Good luck, and see you in the field.

~h

A Quick Word on Body Language

Question: how's your body language?

Besides being able to escalate, I'd say the second most important factor in your game is body language.

Unless you carry a body-length mirror around with you, you're probably not aware of how you look to others.

Even if you're doing a certain technique properly, for example, spreading your arms out, or standing up straight, or leaning against a wall to look "cool", you may be doing it with the wrong energy.

You see, good body language is not about a specific stance or "look." It's about the energy behind it.

For example, you can stick your chest out because you want to look confident, or because you feel confident.

These two energies are opposites.

And women can pick up on your energy.

If you are trying to have good body language, I can almost guarantee that you don't.

In fact, the more effort you make to have good body language, the worse it will be - you will come across as nervous and self-conscious.

Women have finely-tuned radar to pick upon this, because it says way more about a guy than anything he could say with his mouth.

That's why real game is almost impossible to fake - women are wired to pick up on "fakery."

For thousands of years, women had too much at stake to be duped by an insecure guy trying to look confident. If they mated with the wrong guy, they were screwed - literally!

Body language is one of the hardest things to fix on your own, simply because you can't see yourself all the time.

Most guys have bad habits when it comes to their posture, movement, eye contact, and pace at which they move and talk.

And it's the culmination of all these physical expressions that give a woman an overall impression of who you are inside.

It's who you are inside that actually causes women to become attracted to you.

Sure a cool shirt, good looks, and other purely visual cues can help.

But ultimately it's how a man thinks that attracts women to him.

Women can tell where your attention is at. Not because they are mind readers. They are just extremely perceptive of men's non-verbal cues. So maybe she doesn't know exactly what your thoughts are..but she can tell if you're nervous.

And this conveys that you a) place her on a pedestal relative to yourself, and b) you want her approval.

This is very weak and unattractive to women.

Ask yourself this - have you ever been in a situation where someone was supposed to be in control - maybe an authority figure or someone who was supposed to be an "expert" - and this person was tense, fidgety, and spoke fast and quiet.

You probably lost a lot of respect for him or her, and didn't give a lot of credence to what they said.

Now for women, respect and attraction are almost synonymous. A woman can only be attracted to a man she respects.

In fact, the feeling you have for a man you respect is the same feeling a woman feels when she's attracted to a man, only she also feels a biological drive to have sex with him - there's a physical response added to this "respect."

So how do you get someone to respect you?

Well we all know guys who are complete morons, but they garner respect - people look to them as an authority or leader.

Why?

Because of their non-verbal cues.

You see, these non-verbal cues say things about the guy that you can't directly observe.

A guy with calm, confident bodylanguage, a loud, slow voice, and strong eye contact is in effect saying, "I know what I'm doing. I'm in control. You can relax and trust me to lead you."

Think about how powerful that message is to anybody - let alone to a woman.

Now there's good news and bad news.

The bad news - you can't fake it. Women can tell, because there will be one small behavior you're not aware of that will give you away.

Maybe you will jerk your head too fast, or lean over a little too much, or stand with your feet too close together [or too far apart!].

Yup, she can tell if you're over-compensating, or hiding yourself out of fear [nervousness].

And this says, "I don't know what I'm doing. You're more important than me. I'm trying to look confident because I want you to like me and GIVE ME SEX."

Bad bad bad.

And no matter how smooth your conversational skills are, you will fall flat.

This can lead to a lot of frustration with guys who have worked really hard to be great conversationalists, and have memorized all kinds of lines and techniques.

They are still hitting a brick wall and continuing to struggle, because they have bad body language.

In fact, having good conversation skills with bad body language will actually make things worse, because the woman will simply think you're really good at faking.

She won't trust you.

This accounts for a lot of the flaking that women do with men. They hear his smooth words, but see shaky body language, and immediately don't trust him.

You have to be congruent.

And this brings me to the good news - women always believe body language.

So if you really are confident and focused on the right stuff, your body language will naturally handle itself. And she will be attracted to you.

It's that easy: focus on the right stuff, and your body language will align accordingly. Then, she will infer what's going on inside you - your confidence, your attitude, and your energy, and she will instantly feel attraction.

It's the most important thing, because A POWERFUL FOCUS NATURALLY LEADS TO A GOOD STATE, AND THIS WILL LEAD TO ATTRACTIVE BEHAVIOR.

And this behavior will always be congruent - your whole being will be aligned - because it stems from your core, who you really are!

If you are hitting a brick wall, despite the fact that you've read all the pickup theory out there, and have hundreds of approaches under your belt, you most likely have a body language problem.

And this is grounded in a FOCUS PROBLEM; remember, relax, be confident, and focus on the right stuff.

~h