Approach Anxiety, and How to Overcome It

Just now, I was sitting at my desk going through a few emails from guys with one common enemy.

Approach anxiety.

What exactly is approach anxiety?

It's the fear that suddenly floods your entire body when you think it's time to approach a woman that you like. It also paralyzes you to the point where it's hard to be yourself.

This enemy has more control over you than you think.

It controls your thoughts, your emotions, your feelings..and it manipulates you and forces you to do things that you don't want to do.

It robs you of the experience of meeting more women whenever you like.

The bottom line is that it's a big barrier that's standing in between you and your dreams of becoming more successful with women and dating.

..and if you don't do anything about it, things could get really UGLY.

On the flip side, without it, you can have the luxury to meet any woman you desire, anytime you want.

You have to learn how to overcome this fear, or you'll be living as it's prisoner every single day of your single life.

And it's not going to be fun.

I was once a prisoner of this fear. It ruled my life, until I found a simple way to slaughter this ugly enemy, and start meeting women confidently.

I'm about to share with you an easy way to break free from approach anxiety.

The best way to beat approach anxiety is creating "Approaching Behavior" - you need to train your body how to respond to the fear and anxiety you'll feel when you want to approach a woman.

For example, when you see a woman you want to approach, instead of walking away and not doing anything, start breaking the habit and DO SOMETHING about it.

You don't have to get her number.

You don't have to make her like you.

..you just have to do something about it.

You've got to create Approaching behavior.

You've got to train your body to respond in a way that will move you towards getting the girl and away from the fear that controls you.

If you're just starting out and you have IMMENSE fear of approaching women, then here's what you should do.

Start small and take baby steps, my friend.

Guys often ask me "What's the biggest SECRET to getting good with women really fast?"

My answer is simple - instant action.

If you want immediate results in your dating life, then you're going to have to take ACTION. You won't get good sitting on your ass and reading my cool-as-shit blog.

You've got to take these techniques and turn it into results, and you can do that by taking action, trying this stuff out in the real world.

Ask yourself this: what did you do the last time you saw a woman you wanted to meet?

Here's a plan to follow to make sure it doesn't happen that way again. Next time you see a woman you'd like to meet, follow these basic steps:
1. Walk up to her
2. Ask her a question
3. Walk away

Try to make it a daily habit to approach attractive women. All of this might seem simple but it's a giant leap from living in fear to breaking out of your shell and becoming confident.

This is the first step to developing the proper Approaching behavior.

When you do this you'll realize how easy it is to approach women and start a conversation.

You'll have a feeling of relief.

You'll tell yourself, "Man, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be!"

And it will bring you one step closer to becoming a confident man who can meet any woman, anywhere, at any time.

A skill that 99% of men out there don't have.

Trust me, after you've developed this super cool ability to meet women on demand, every single guy you know will be jealous and curious - jealous of your results, and curious to know how you did it.

~h

Vin DiCarlo, on Preventing Flaking

About 45 minutes or so of pretty solid content..check it out, here

~h

LR: Cruise

Okay, so here's the family vacation post.

Unfortunately, I only had a short summer vacation this time - I think about 5-6 weeks long.

Yay.

Especially because my family and I went on this cruise, which was fuckin' tiiight, don't get me wrong..but it took out nearly 2 weeks of my summer. And I really wanted to milk being at home for all I could :-)

Anyways, the quick summary: I had 2 lays on the cruise, the first being a black bartender girl and the second being a white British trainer in the gym. The 2 more I could've had, if I'd had the time, were this fiiine black masseuse and the hot brunette dancer who, needless to say, had a tight-ass body. But there just wasn't the time, because I didn't see either of them enough to close them.

The black bartender chick, she was pretty quick and easy, actually; the main thing with her was initiating contact [considering she was at the bar, that wasn't too hard], and then keeping out interaction light, with sexualized talk thrown into the mix.

For example, she would sing, pretty loud, some random songs. Obviously, this was an attempt to get attention drawn to herself. So I figured, the best thing to do is give her the attention she's seeking, as long as she complies with the direction that I lead the interaction.

So I would tease her about her singing, and how she was off-key or she was running out of songs, or she was like a bird that wouldn't shut up.

Then, I would talk about things, like what there was to do for fun on a ship, especially when the crew is always on the ship, don't they get bored, etc. And from there, I'd take it totally exaggerated in a sexual way, like they have mad orgies, with the captain taking command and his second-in-command being the cameraman, etc.

Add in a few sexual routines like Strawberry Fields, and after only talking with her twice, we met up at night after she got off work at the "club". From there, we just stuck with mundane chit-chat for a bit, then we went back to her cabin [mine had my brother and sister crammed in there with me, so that wouldn't have worked :-p], and I went to work on that phattt ass! ;-)

The British gym trainer girl was a bit more involved, partly because I couldn't grab her attention much 1-on-1, since there'd be some class or client always around for her to work with, and partly because she would be at the gym from 6am-11pm..crazy, right?

So I just made sure to smile and make small-talk with her every time I was in the gym. I noticed that she wore rings, so I made a mental note to use Rings on Fingers at some point, even if I had to do at the gym itself.

But as luck would have it, they had this "White Party" at the "club" one night after dinner and the entertainment, and I was accidentally prepared because I'd brought a wife-beater as well as my white sports jacket, so I rolled to the party with that on. And who should be there, but the trainer chick. So I ran a couple of attraction pieces, but I knew I didn't need too many because I was already getting plenty of IOIs, so I moved into qualification and comfort from there, talking about my little brother, and my mom's near-death, etc. I also worked in the Rings on Fingers routine, as well as Strawberry Fields, to sexualize the talk, too.

It was almost a text-book example, with everything working and clicking with her, plenty of kino and even some take-aways on my part so as to not come off too strong or needy, checking out the rest of the party, getting another drink, that sort of deal. Which, of course, only worked to make her chase me even more.

At the end of the party, I told her I wasn't done for the night and asked her what she had planned for the rest of the night. Then I took her up outside to the deck, where we held hands and cuddled on one of the lounge chairs, watching the ocean in the middle of night. And of course, it was windy as hell, so we ended back inside, wide awake, and she suggested we go to her room and chill there. And I knew it was going down - all we had to do was get our asses to her room!

And, what a sweeeet ass she had ;-)

~h

On Inner Game

I couldn't have put it any better myself..


Cajun on Inner Game

Inner game is probably one of the most misunderstood concepts in dating science. It's a major sticking point for nearly everyone who has trouble talking to women and it's a problem that can be difficult to fix as well, since it tends to be rooted in a lifetime's worth of negative beliefs that are based on things like fear and rejection. Inner game is also a topic that I think can only be discussed from a personal level, that is, I can't convince you how to think or look at life differently - only you can do that - but I can tell you how I overcame the very same problems, and hope that you can learn from my experiences.

First up - the most important factors in inner game are your experience and your mindset. Most inner game problems that men run into with women, and actually with life in general, can be traced back to one of these two areas.

Experience:

When people ask me how I developed the kind of confidence that allows me to consistently approach and seduce beautiful women, I always answer the same way: "Practice". If you've done something enough times to be comfortable with it, you become confident - it's usually the new or unfamiliar situations that cause people to doubt themselves. The sad and somewhat ironic reality is that most men are not comfortable talking to women simply because they don't talk to women! It's a negative feedback loop that's perpetuated by a fear of "what might go wrong". This is important. To be scared of the possible negative outcomes is to be scared of the very thing that enables you to get better.

Think about it this way: when you were learning to ride a bicycle, were you too scared to get on because of a fear that you might fall down? Maybe you were, but you got on anyway because you saw how much fun all the other kids were having, and you realized that the reward was worth the risk. Think of dating science the same way. I remember when I first started out with this stuff, I used to get drinks thrown in my face, told off, or simply ignored. The first few weeks were rough; it took me a while before I got used to rejection enough that I could understand where I went wrong. Getting used to rejection isn't easy, but the best advice I can give you is to simply accept it, don't get mad at her or yourself, don't go home, just accept that it's a completely normal, and necessary part of the learning process. You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. The sooner you realize that rejection is a necessary evil, the sooner you can come to terms with it and move past it. I can't count the number of one-on-one or bootcamp students I've had who were too scared to approach beautiful women at the beginning of the night and were going home with them at the end.

Mind Set:

Most of us grew up in a society that believed in a dual-concentric circle model of reality. That is, the outer circle being reality, or the world around us, and the inner circle being our consciousness. We experience the outer circle; reality, through our inner circle; our consciousness. This is how we believed reality worked; that our consciousness was independent of it...but recently this all changed.

We are now learning through quantum physics that reality is actually the inner circle, and that our consciousness is the outer circle. That is; reality exists inside our mind, we create our own reality with our thoughts (Or beliefs, if you'd rather).

What does this mean?

As far as any of us know, there may only be 1 reality; your own. Who's to say I'm not a figment of your imagination, your reality, writing this entire article out to send a message to YOU, from your subconscious mind. It's possible.

The truth is, whether any of us actually exist or not is irrelevant. Life is a game, and it's a game that a lot of people are scared to play. Don't be one of them.

I recently received an email from a former student of mine asking about the power of beliefs, and how they work. I replied with the following:

"Think of it this way: what if, let's say, 15 years from now programmers invent this computer game that is virtually identical to reality. The game is so smart you can't tell it's not a real person. The five senses are so accurately programmed that there is no detectable difference to reality. Now, you get to play this game, but the programmer tells you some hints on how to play, he says this:

"This software is programmed to work intuitively with your brain. So, if you want to be, let's say, a rich Casanova in the game, then all you have to do is believe that you ARE a rich Casanova, and you will become one. The trick is you have to actually believe it, and then the program takes care of the rest. In fact you can have, and be anything you want in this program as long as you ask for it using these "beliefs". Think of it as your "console hack""

I'm sure you saw this coming, but this "game" already exists and it's called reality. You become who you believe you are."

Sound a little like the matrix? Well that's ok, like I said; I can only give advice on inner game from my own personal perspective and this is simply how I believe reality works.

I'll end this article with something that I've never written about before:

I remember the very night that I became good at attracting women, I remember because I had an epiphany that night and it was so mind-blowing that I had to write it down as soon as I came home. It has since become my mantra, and I know that if down the road I ever forget everything that I've learned in the past few years, all I will have to do is read this piece of paper and it will all come back. What does the paper say?

"The secret to becoming amazing at attracting women is...to remember that you already are."


I think the video game analogy is a great one; in fact, it's one that I use myself, and have been for some time now, and use it to get across this same idea to my friends when helping them out with their own game problems, especially issues like Approach Anxiety.

At the end of the day, it is all just a game - all of life itself, actually, like a Sims game: you go through your daily routine, and certain things happen, certain people come and go in that day, and depending on your actions, you affect the outcome. So, if you see 3 cute girls at the gym, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, and you approach one over the others, your path is now going down her direction.

If you approach all of them [ideal ;-)], then you've just created 3 paths that you can go down, possibly all of them if you choose to.

However, if you approach none of them, then nothing is going to happen with any of them, and they'll be gone, possibly forever..

..for example, I've got a story to post on, from the gym, with HBPinkHat and especially HBMonicaBellucci - both were wide open for me, and I missed them both..and now have nothing to show for it.

Monica Bellucci, by the way:


At the same time, I have an update with HBBlackMILF, which was a matter of me pushing it and seeing how things unfold, down that path.

Remember, it's all..just..a game - so go play.

~h

The Phone Text: A Very Useful Tool of Game, Part 2

Another nice long, info-packed post from El Topo, on texting:


Text Game Part 2

So now we get how to open a text and one popular way to initiate a text dialog.
So let’s describe a few things around that.

I you haven't read Part 1 of the Text Post go here!
http://the-red-mole.blogspot.com/2008/0 … art-1.html

Also find out more about Subpersonalitites in Shaft's Post as well, cause I refer to the idea quite a bit.
http://the-red-mole.blogspot.com/2008/0 … ities.html

The reason why Hot Cold works so well, is because it is an element of Push Pull. I would like to do a post on changes made to models of game, but there are a lot of posts I would like to do…getting to it is the real feat! But surely I will get to it!

The reason why Push Pull is such an important part of game it because it is something that pretty much every human and animal is responsive to. It is almost like people can’t help but do it.
Now you can’t say something like ‘Hey, you sweet cunt whore, how’s your day going?’ that may piss some people off (but if you make it work…let me know). But what you want to do with each aspect of Hot Cold/Push Pull is get them to invest a little bit in it.

How we get people to invest is through Qualification, Baiting, Framing, Compliance, Dominance and Logistics.

So those are the things we are going to talk about in terms of text. And again, I would like to do a post on my teaching method of breaking down your Tools of Game along with How to Implement those Tools, but again it will probably be a few weeks on that. It I could write as fast as I could think then my blog would be a goddamn encyclopedia! Should have taken a typing class!

So the important thing with text to think of is that it is only a small part of game. So your goals in text are to do a few things.
I always like to Bring out-
-A Subpersonality in it, and it is great for that.
-It is a good use of to begin Force Framing
-It is a great Calibration Tool
-Logistically I want to engage someone with some compliance, usually accepting roles or doing small tasks.
-Build Investment emotionally (now it is important to know text probably isn’t the tool to engage serious emotions, but more reactive and surface level ones. You need an orchestration of complete game to have it effect deep rooted emotions)
-And Logistically I want to set up a time to meet, with all those frames and subpersonalities to bring to the table.

So with that in mind, instead of saying, ‘You sweet cunt whore, how is your day going?’
You want to say things that your texts to follow some sort of path that will stimulate reaction to role into another text that will build a frame, to role into another one that will build compliance to your frame, that will role into one that will bait them into a subpersonality and all be fun and exciting to engage in.

You can hook a girl very easily to be that guy that she has a text war with on a daily basis. During debriefing I always ask women when they started to know they were going to sleep with me. If I have worked them through text they will always say something like, ‘I thought you were cool when we met (she might even say a little weird…hahahaha), but I really started to think about you in that way, when I would be at work thinking about what I was going to text you or when you were going to text me’.
So go figure, but it works, and even with text you can see yourself get sucked in with it too! Beware!

Using Bait in Text-

Although this is how to Bait using text, all of the ideas like Push Pull/Hot Cold, Baiting, Qualifying, Framing, Compliance, Dominance, and Logistics all kind fo work together. But in their subcategories I will mainly be highlighting the part which it is titled. In this case Baiting.

So the idea of Bait is a reactive one. It is something that is hardwired; people can’t help but respond to if done correctly.

So let’s start with some examples-

Shortly after the first few texts, maybe the second or third one in…

-‘So I am sitting in a waiting room, and I wonder if the people around me know what I am thinking about’

-‘Guess what I am thinking of right now, I just totally saw your twin and it set me off.’

-‘OMG the craziest thing just happened, I am totally in a weird head space right now’

-‘Even tho you like X ;-), I still think you’re…well maybe not LOL’

-‘I am totally bored, don’t even TEMPT me with those thoughts! ☺’

-‘You have no what I just saw, you would totally LOVE it, in that sort of BAD girl sort of way…LOL!’

Ok so let’s take a look at these. Now some of them are doing a few things here.
The first one-
-‘So I am sitting in a waiting room, and I wonder if the people around me know what I am thinking about’
What you’re doing is trying to bait them into a simple question. One being, ‘where are you?’ or Two being, “What are you thinking about?’For a while Sinn, Shaft and myself would always ask two questions, or give two things to respond to in our texts to calibrate. We don’t so much anymore, but it is a great tool to use. Now with either answer you can go somewhere.
But the one that shows she is more likely to quickly accept a frame over text is if she answers anything about what you are thinking. Reason why is because if she answers that she is curious about something that leaves a huge door open to.
An office space is pretty mundane, what someone thinks that might offend the ‘norm’ hanging out in the office can be something pretty interesting, well if you’re a PUA.

So if she says ‘Where are you?’ no big deal, you text back something like,‘Trust me you don’t want to know, but these people are freaks! Totally your crowd ☺’
or
‘The funny thing is that, I am normally really into bizarro things, but I usually need a wing, next time I am bringing you! And you’ll never guess…’

So let’s take a look at a few more breakdowns…
-‘Guess what I am thinking of right now, I just totally saw your twin and it set me off.’
When I took my BC Sinn told me Future and him used the father text of this…’OMG I totally just saw your twin’ to calibrate how quickly a girl would reply. If she replied quick it meant you could begin with likely fruition on your text/phone journey.
So then we added a little more to it. Mainly because we wanted to see what she would reply too and our Bait was then more voiced to lead towards curiosity on what we are thinking. It may hook it may not. So in the first two texts a good thing to point out is asking two questions in the same text.
We will touch on that later.
But our Bait is always leading to a frame or subpersonality, or maybe even something else.

So it is best to get a response about ‘what you were thinking’ but you may get a response on the ‘twin’ part. The main thing is this will get a likely response. And you should probably use this text as a opener as well or the first text in a new exchange with someone you have been texting. It leads very well into some tactical conversations.

Replies to the twin part might be…
‘Yeah I was totally excited at first, but didn’t have that wicked side to here. LOL!’
‘And you should have SEEN the look on her face when I snuck up from behind, butt I think YOU could have handled it! HAHAHA!’

Replies to the thinking part might be…
‘All I got to say is….bad girl! LOL :-D!!!!’
‘I was actually REALLY disturbed! I knew I remembered you…stay HOTT!’

So you get the idea with that. This would go on forever if I were to breakdown all of them, so let’s go to the next Implementation of the Tool…

Qualification in Text-

This is one that you can open a text conversation with, but to really use qualification you want to use it a bit later in the exchange, but it can be fairly impactive within 2 or 3 texts in.
But first let’s talk about Qualification.
So Qualification is a get way to get a lot of things. Lot’s of people go on and on about it and it is something that many discussions can be had about it.
Most of those discussions show its use in gaining investment in the group.
There is a great Audio Program out there that has Sinn and Vision going over Qualification. Most people say it is one of the best Audio Products out there. It is something that has a long history and has evolved quite a bit.

But here are its uses-
-Gain Value and Compliance (throughout your set) towards Value. Build investment essentially, through a ladder of Qualifiers or establish your value, to make her feel the need to invest her Emotions or work up to your Value.
-Calibrate where you are at in set. So it was said many a times by Future in many Seminar rooms (probably many other people too, but I can still hear Future saying it in my head) ‘Qualification is the Gateway to Rapport. This is because is was a good way to know you could enter Comfort and also it was a good way to transition into a Comfort base story. The funny thing is that Qualification is now used in Comfort (little bit of a different twist, but definitely Qualification, and it is the total LMR buster in Seduction. Qualification is thee way to Blast through LMR and is one of the Roots to the KFP.
-And the most neglected use of Qualification is that is defines where you go next in Set!
It is what you need to show which way you are going, and in Text this is important!
What I mean is let’s say you are talking about eating Bats in the Amazon your DHV story (and let me tell you I can go on and on about how misused DHV stories are in the community), and you want to transition out of it.
You can Qualify with,‘So what is something you have done that made you know what your passions were?’
With that you can then talk about your passions and hers and all that stuff. Good for building bonds and many, many other things.

But let’s say instead you talk about eating Bats in the Amazon and transition out with…
‘So what’s the craziest thing you have ever done?’
No this can go a little more sexual… both can but with this you are using Bait to take the set somewhere into a more racy territory.

Both Qualifiers are good, neither one is better, depends on where you are in the set and where you want to go. And the Qualifier tells you where to go. That to me is a pretty important use to negate. So USE IT!

Some examples of text for qualification might be…

Opening Text with a Qualifier-

-‘So what is your favorite Karaoke song! ;-)’

-‘So wait, you always pick up guys, when they are DRUNK!’

Again opening with a qualifier is pretty weak use of a qualifier, but be creative and fun with it and it will work.


A few Texts in-
Think about if they fall into one of your Baiting texts you can empower it with your Qualifier.

-‘Jezz! You really do have a WILD side don’t you?’

-‘What kind of girl are you…really? I mean you didn’t really put that off when I met you, but go figure! LOL’

-‘So you are really starting to make me wonder, who taught you your text etiquette?’

-‘I am not sure if I really know about you yet… are you one of those girls that doesn’t always play nice…’
So you can see from this that the qualifiers really do have somewhat of a Baiting element to them too. They are also the beginnings to Frames, Compliance and bringing out that subpersonality.

Remember Qualification is a tool to progress on in the right direction!

And that will take us to….

Compliance through Text

Now here will probably be one of the more rich parts of the post, because it will map out how you need to text (the flow of text or the rhythm). Compliance does a few things…
But at its fundamental it brings out repetition in the target working in a certain direction.
Normally I bring up Framing before Compliance, but I will lead with compliance here to better describe Framing later.
Normally compliance is just thought of as getting a girl to do something for you. This alone is super effective. In fact I remember on a Workshop in Hawaii, Tyler Durden spent about 20mins describing to a student what Compliance was, and this opened my eyes to a larger field of it. Also Shaft can talk, and I mean talk about the importance of Compliance in all forms of Game.

But other than getting someone to do tasks, you can build a Qualification ladder with Compliance, you can build frames with Baiting someone by making them Compliant to your interaction with them, you can make someone fulfill a narrative that brings out a Subpersonality through Compliance. Basically you can use Compliance to get someone to follow your lead.
Compliance is the fucking shit, so see it as not just getting someone to fulfill actions, but also to be made to interact with you in a specific way that helps Frame them into your Subpersonality.

My example will be an exchange with breakdown of what I am attempting to do through Text. Here goes….

PUA- ‘You won’t believe what just happened! You should have BEEN HERE!’
Target- ‘?’
PUA- ‘Really that is ALL you can write ‘?’ I thought you spoke text…lol, are you sitting down?’
Target- ‘Yeah, I am at work, WHAT HAPPENED, is that better? ☺’
PUA- ‘This chick just totally went crazy at the store, I thought, I wish (target’s name) was here.’
Target- ‘I don’t know if I would have wanted too, what did she do?’
PUA- ‘Yeah, I am not sure if you would have laughed or joined in…’
Target- ‘That depends what it was she was doing’
PUA- ‘I still am not sure…either you’d be all over it or ur one of those PG 13 girls’
Target- ‘Wouldn’t you like to know?’
PUA- ‘That says it ALL right there! ;-)’
Target- ‘OMG, you are totally crazy… You might not want to know! :p’
PUA- ‘ME totally Crazy! F U!’
Target- ‘YES! And F U too ☺’
PUA- ‘That is sweet, but now you’re are totally making me wonder and now U won’t want to know… ’
Target ‘You couldn’t even imagine’
PUA- ‘Seriously, I have to drive now, so take it easy on me, you wouldn’t want to cause an accident now would you???’
Target- ‘Accident? That might be fun, good thing I am not there! Lol!’
PUA- ‘So now I am totally bored, entertain me… are you at work?’
Target- ‘Yes’
PUA- ‘And what are you doing?’
Target- ‘I am sitting at my desk answering my boss’ emails’
PUA- ‘Woman… really, I though you spoke text…how are you going to make me crash with THAT!’
Target- ‘HA! I thought I was PG 13’
PUA- ‘Ahh, we proved that you only are when you’re at the club, but at work I know what REALLY goes on!’
Target- ‘So dirty?’
PUA- ‘Actually it is one of the worst places that my mind wanders, just think if I was at work, my imagination would be corrupted even MORE by U! ’
Target- ‘You are a trip, I think you’re corrupting me!’
PUA- ‘Good cause later I may need your help, I have a crazy meeting I have to attend ☹…’
Target- ‘HA! We will see…’
PUA- Stop with that ‘we will see’ crap, you’re totally my text BITCH! Lol!’
Target- ‘Ahhh Text BITCH… couldn’t you come up with something else.’
PUA- ‘Yeah but, text me BACK….BITCH! by the way I am almost back and still no crash…’
Target- ‘CRASH BITCH!’
PUA- ‘You’re supposed to make me do that in another way…come on GET TO WORK!’
Target- ‘You’re too much. I can’t handle you…’
PUA- ‘That is what I thought! Lol. No really, what are you doing later, I will need someone to perk me up in a few hours.’
Target- ‘Why are you asking I thought I was your BITCH! Hahaha!’
PUA- ‘Jezz UR having way too much fun, maybe I should give you a whip so you can step it up’
Target- ‘I like whips’
PUA- ‘And I do too, but I don’t use them, I prefer using my hand!’
Target- ‘Now that depends, when and where…’
PUA- ‘Really, I think that you know WHEN and WHERE, unless you’re really more creative than me… and then I don’t want to know’
Target- ‘ That’s right BITCH!’
PUA- ‘Look woman, talk all you want, but I will turn you inside and out’
Target- ‘I am waiting…’
PUA- ‘And be waiting with a wheelchair cause you might need it’
Target- ‘LOL!’

Ok so this is a pretty common exchange.
No what you see in the first part of this, is a lot of baiting toward sex using really fun attitude. Text game is all Attraction being used as a door to open up different parts of her. This particular girl was not biting at first but still going along with it. This always suck, but if she is at least somewhat entertaining your ideas you can still press on very lightly. You always want her following your lead.
The whole time I am leading the interaction, and the whole time I am reframing her replies to what I want to see them as.
The more I can get her to follow my path of the narrative, the more I make her Compliant.
And the reason why I chose this exchange was because it took her a while to warm up and it was done without any breaks in the text, it all took place over one day.

So now I text saying, ‘BITCH I am bored TEXT BACK!’ and she does.You can also see the slow escalation of her turning more towards me. Eventually she does but it wasn’t immediate. The thing is that once they walk through enough of your doors (along with it being a fun interaction) they will ultimately continue on.
Compliance is something that can build your whole foundation to game.

For now that is all…

~h

Frustrated Lesson: Gaming at the Gym

Ok, I'm going to try to make this post as coherent as possible, and as chronological as possible.

And don't worry, I haven't forgotten about the vacation post - but what's done is done with that one, whereas this is an ongoing thing right now.

Alright, so I've been keeping up with the gym quite regularly, since I'm at home and have time to do so..much more than when I'm at school, at least. So I've been practicing some things in there, obviously more day-game-related, but it's still interesting stuff..some things I've picked up from others, other things I'm experimenting/experiencing first-hand.

The good thing about the gym is, you can build social proof [even over time], because most of the people are regulars, so you're bound to see the same people around more than once-in-a-lifetime.

Look at my situation: I'm only in town a few months out of the year, and yet when I go back to the gym, there'll always be people in there that I know, either working out or people who work there.

One such example is HBRedheadMILF. She doesn't seem to be MILF age, until you get up close to her and get a better look, or she drops hints about the timeframe of when she grew up, etc. Her face is cute, and her body is just wow - big breasts and a niiice ass..especially for a white girl ;-)

I had spoken to her maybe two or three times last summer, and I actually thought I'd made a bad impression on her. I was picking on her for her shoes [they were like hiking boots style], and her name was the same name as a character on one of my favorite comedy shows.

Well, when I got back into the gym this summer, I spotted her, but since I thought I'd made a not-so-hot impression with her, I figured I'd just play it cool and not really do anything..only to be surprised as hell when she came and grabbed me..literally, grabbed me by the arm, to ask me where I've been.

Not bad. What is bad, however, is that I'm not upping the interaction - I know she's into me, because last time we ended up talking for around an hour [maybe more], near the end of her workout and right at the beginning of mine. And all the signs were there..I just wasn't sure how to move to the close without it seeming to date-y..what I didn't think about, though, was that in a day game situation, it usually is a more direct style, so it's okay to "get together at such-and-such time to do this-or-that"..so next time we run into each other, that's the plan.

This lack of upping the interaction is the point of this post - just yesterday, I met not one but two HBs at the gym. One is HBSexyMexican, whom I've seen at the gym a few times a week this summer, and she's just got a siiick ass on her ;-) I've talked to her only once, in passing; she'd been eyeing me earlier one day last week and I smiled at her..later that day, she was using a machine I'd just been using, and she was looking at me, so as I walked by I gave her this look like "wtf" and told her "You stole my machine.." while waving a fist at her..then smiling

[remember to smile, dammit! I always forget that I can be intimidating, especially to a girl, especially at a place like the gym]

She was very positive, smiled back and apologizing in this sexy accent like "Ohh, I'm sorryyyyy ;-)"

I ran into her yesterday, and we chit-chatted for a while. We passed each other a couple times, smiling, then I told her that I was a little worried and started wondering about her and what happened. She asked "why, what happened?", and I told her "well you haven't been around, so I started thinking you're slacking off..and I was going to tell on you, get your membership cancelled, and have it transferred over to my account :-)"

I realized her English wasn't all that hot, but our conversation was still fine. It just goes to show that the actual words being used are not all that important; what is important, is voice tonality and body language, and of course, smiling. I also saw that she had 2 rings on her left hand, her ring and her pinky fingers; at first, I wasn't sure if the ring finger one was a wedding ring, so I was trying to just keep things casual..hence, just passing her and smiling the first couple of run-ins yesterday. [Once I saw it wasn't, however, I could've used rings-on-fingers as something else to talk about, since I realized she wasn't the best at keeping the conversation flowing; she tried, but she sucked haa]

And now, the frustrating one..

The other girl, or rather woman, I met yesterday at the gym, was this chick I'd seen around there every now and then, back in the day, like last summer, maybe even before that. She's light-skinned black woman, who almost looks like she could be mixed; in fact, she reminds me of an older version of HBTyra..like, a lot, even in her mannerisms. I'll call her HBBlackMILF.

I was soo distracted by her yesterday, while she was first running on a treadmill, then doing one of those elliptical/stairmaster-style machine that forces girls to sway their hips from side-to-side in a very mesmerizingly sexy manner. Add to it the fact that she's very much in-shape, meaning the hour-glass figure with nice breasts, a narrow waist, and a simply amaaazing ass stuffed into black spandex pants.

Like I said, it was very distracting.

So I told myself that any chance I get, I'm going to talk to her..despite having seen a ring, on her left ringer finger. It was hard to tell if it was that kind of ring, though, because it looked kind of flat, instead of having a diamond jutting out of it. But no harm in talking, especially now that I've got a sort of default opener for the gym that applies to the situation of working out, and it's unisexual as I've used it on my guy friends before. And it usually goes over well, too, with only a few people reacting in a neutral/negative manner.

And this is exactly how I approached HBBlackMILF: she was on this triceps push-down machine, just sitting there, so as I walked by on my way to get water [it's much better to NOT carry a water bottle with you at the gym, because then you can take water breaks..and to do so, you need to walk to and from the water fountain :-)], I slowed down and stopped in front of her, over-the-shoulder, "You know [wait for acknowledgement..in her case, she apologized for being lost in space], that machine..it works better..if you push down..like this..[gesturing with my arms]".

So, it goes like this: "[smile a little] You know..the machine/it works better when you ____..[bigger smile]"

Obviously, it can only be used when the girl is chilling somewhere, either on a machine or free weights or whatever..not cardio..not when she's actually lifting..and not while she's walking around. There are other ones for that, and in fact, this one can be tweaked to apply to those, as well..for example, walking around can be made out as her slacking off or not using the entire gym properly. Whatever. But, this specific one usually works better when the girl is at a machine, during her break or something.

Well, HBBlackMILF started cracking up, and then picked up the conversation from there about how she's just kind of tired and being lazy. And I told her "You can't be slacking off, because here I am, finishing up a set and getting some water, walking by and seeing you just sitting there..it kind of kills the motivational pump. You should be going at it and keeping it going, not deflating my mission here!" And she laughed, telling me that I'm right and she's going to get right on it, "and next time when you come through, you need to make some noise or clear your throat, so I know when you're coming and I'll get started!" And I told her I'd bring like a whole parade through with me, just to make sure she knows I'm coming.

And we went on for another minute or so. I did the usual good-response = turn-to-face-her. I also made sure to say the last word and start walking off before she got started on her set, so that I'm non-needy. She kept responding each time, though, so finally I just replied to her as I walked away.

I saw her watching for me after that, especially as I started coming back her way the next time. And so she started working, and I made really, really, really loud coughing sounds, to the point that a few people started looking at me, and she was cracking uuuup. She said something, and I said something back, but I didn't stop this time. I knew I was almost done with my workout, so I figured I'd talk to her afterwards. This way, I come off as non-needy, she sees that my plan is to work out not pick up chicks at the gym so she feels special because I don't just talk to any and every chick, and she'd probably be on some other machine and thus provide a mini-bounce, which helps the whole time-distortion effect to make it seem like we've been talking much longer, and therefore we know each other much better, than if you stay in the same spot and talk.

So, when I was done, I busted on her again for slacking when she was on the lat pulldown machine, and then we just started talking, for a good while [not sure how long]. She told me about how she's trying to get in shape because she's gained weight, and I told her that in all honesty, she looks fine, and that I actually think she looks pretty sexy. We went into that for a bit. She explained to me how she wants her body to look, and even stood up and showed me [I had to literally bite my lip clench my fists not to react when she put that riDICulous ass in my face..FUUUUCK!!].

Then she told me she's a teacher, so I told her she'd be the teacher that I totally had a crush on, and I'd like bring her an apple every day. By this point, she'd already told me her name, in true girly fashion by imbedding it into something she'd told me [it was like "So I told myself, HBBlackMILF, you really gotta.."]. At this point, she asked for mine, and then told me "I'd say, Hrithik, sweety, you've brought me like 10 apples already, and I'm not eating them..you need to get the idea.." [I'm thinking, 'fuuck..'], then she goes on with "..I don't want the apples..bring me something else..like..Snicker's bars..haha".

Perfect opportunity to escalate kino ;-)

I'm like "Whaaat? You like Snicker's?? That's awesome!" and do the ol' hug-n-hold on her. And she's loving it, even without understanding why..

..because she wanted the kino, regardless ;-)

But I explained to her how I love Snicker's, and I go to like Sam's Club and buy those big 48 count boxes of the king size ones.

I repeated this process like 20 seconds later, when she revealed that she loves Mountain Dew. I also would let her know where she stood on my qualification meter, telling her how she started off neutral, but then plummeted for sucking and being so lazy, but now is sky-rocketing because of her love of Snicker's and Mountain Dew. I brought this same thing back up again later, when she said something about if there's no Dew at a restaurant, she gets blahblahblah, and I just looked at her funny, like "uhoh..", and she reacted immediately [nice way to gauge her interest/investment in impressing me, huh? ;-)].

She asked me, "what..??" And I told her she was dropping, and she goes "Oh man I'm plummeting again, aren't I??" and I told her "No, no, not that bad; you just dropped a couple notches..but you still love Snicker's and Mountain Dew, so we're still good! haa"

She assumed I had kids, and this is where I made my first mistake. I should've realized that she must have kids, to be asking about them; even if that weren't true, at least give a positive explanation. Instead, I told her that I don't have any, and then explained that my little brother and I have such a huge age gap of like 10-11 years that since I've done so much in raising him, I don't plan to have any kids anytime soon..EEEGGHH!! WRRRONNNNGG [sigh]..oh well, I plan to bring it up again another time and correct this with something about how I love kids, and they love me, and I want to have kids as soon as possible, but I just haven't found the right person yet..then look at her with sexy eyes :-)

She asked me how old he was, but I was not going to give her an idea of my age, just in case..and since she'd asked if he was like little-little, I used that and was like "no no no, not now, I'm talking back in the day..". So she went on to tell me about her 2 kids: 8-year-old son and 5.5-year-old daughter [but no mention of a husband], and so I still managed to salvage any negative impression by Awwwing and laughingly remarking at how cute that is at every chance I got.

She also failed to mention any husband-like figure when talking about taking her kids to New York in mid-July..so that's good..but I'm still not sure how I feel about that ring on her finger, since I couldn't get a closer look, especially now with her workout gloves on.

So mistake number two was in the fact of not escalating to get some kind of a close on her. Especially because she was talking about taking her kids out to dinner later, and we joked about me popping up and watching what she eats, etc. That could've been a good opportunity to either 1) playfully asking if she was asking me out on a date, or 2) inviting her, with her kids, out to dinner with me and my siblings to Dave & Buster's.

And mistake number three is the big one, today, that is causing alllll of this frustrated lesson to come out - she'd mentioned that today she was going to work out in the morning. We'd also talked about 2-a-day workouts, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. And there was my reason for being in the gym, by chance, this morning.

I told myself last night that if I got up, and if I was feeling it, I'd go to the gym and only do cardio. I woke up, alarmless, ~7:30am. What the fuck? So I figured, I have to go, it's some kind of a sign.

And she was there. On a treadmill, and I was again mesmerized by that ass. However, I felt kind of awkward, being there in the morning since she'd told she was going to be there in the morning. I should've ignored the feeling and acted natural, but it was easier said than done for me, and I didn't talk to her right away.

No big deal, I'll talk to her later, right?

I never did. And as I waited for "the right moment" to approach her, time slipped away, and so did she - I saw her as she was leaving, and I was just wrapping up doing some abs. I was, and still am, soo pissed and frustrated, especially because now, if she thought it was weird or awkward for me to show up then, she'll definitely be thinking it even more, since I didn't diffuse it or say anything to her, I just showed up when she was there. "By chance", my ass.

What makes it worse is, I already knew what I was going to say, and even worse is the fact that I was also going to use this opportunity to make up for mistake #2 and either get a number or invite her out tonight/tomorrow night with me and my sibs. And I don't know if I'm going to try to go again in the morning tomorrow, since I'd joked with her about whether she could imagine me getting up on a Saturday morning to work out after going out Friday night; if I show up, it might be weird..again. She'd also told me she goes Sunday mornings, too, but I'd acted all like "Whaat? You workout on Sundays, too??", so that might be even worse to show up for.

Fuck, fuck fuck fuck

So, the Frustrated Lesson: don't wait for the perfect opportunity, make the perfect opportunity yourself.

~h

Back In Town

I just got back from a family trip for the last 1.5 weeks or so..I'll be posting some tight shit from that, including 2 lays, and what could've been 2 more if I'd had more time..ah well, can't be greedy ;-)

~h