On Inner Game

I couldn't have put it any better myself..


Cajun on Inner Game

Inner game is probably one of the most misunderstood concepts in dating science. It's a major sticking point for nearly everyone who has trouble talking to women and it's a problem that can be difficult to fix as well, since it tends to be rooted in a lifetime's worth of negative beliefs that are based on things like fear and rejection. Inner game is also a topic that I think can only be discussed from a personal level, that is, I can't convince you how to think or look at life differently - only you can do that - but I can tell you how I overcame the very same problems, and hope that you can learn from my experiences.

First up - the most important factors in inner game are your experience and your mindset. Most inner game problems that men run into with women, and actually with life in general, can be traced back to one of these two areas.

Experience:

When people ask me how I developed the kind of confidence that allows me to consistently approach and seduce beautiful women, I always answer the same way: "Practice". If you've done something enough times to be comfortable with it, you become confident - it's usually the new or unfamiliar situations that cause people to doubt themselves. The sad and somewhat ironic reality is that most men are not comfortable talking to women simply because they don't talk to women! It's a negative feedback loop that's perpetuated by a fear of "what might go wrong". This is important. To be scared of the possible negative outcomes is to be scared of the very thing that enables you to get better.

Think about it this way: when you were learning to ride a bicycle, were you too scared to get on because of a fear that you might fall down? Maybe you were, but you got on anyway because you saw how much fun all the other kids were having, and you realized that the reward was worth the risk. Think of dating science the same way. I remember when I first started out with this stuff, I used to get drinks thrown in my face, told off, or simply ignored. The first few weeks were rough; it took me a while before I got used to rejection enough that I could understand where I went wrong. Getting used to rejection isn't easy, but the best advice I can give you is to simply accept it, don't get mad at her or yourself, don't go home, just accept that it's a completely normal, and necessary part of the learning process. You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. The sooner you realize that rejection is a necessary evil, the sooner you can come to terms with it and move past it. I can't count the number of one-on-one or bootcamp students I've had who were too scared to approach beautiful women at the beginning of the night and were going home with them at the end.

Mind Set:

Most of us grew up in a society that believed in a dual-concentric circle model of reality. That is, the outer circle being reality, or the world around us, and the inner circle being our consciousness. We experience the outer circle; reality, through our inner circle; our consciousness. This is how we believed reality worked; that our consciousness was independent of it...but recently this all changed.

We are now learning through quantum physics that reality is actually the inner circle, and that our consciousness is the outer circle. That is; reality exists inside our mind, we create our own reality with our thoughts (Or beliefs, if you'd rather).

What does this mean?

As far as any of us know, there may only be 1 reality; your own. Who's to say I'm not a figment of your imagination, your reality, writing this entire article out to send a message to YOU, from your subconscious mind. It's possible.

The truth is, whether any of us actually exist or not is irrelevant. Life is a game, and it's a game that a lot of people are scared to play. Don't be one of them.

I recently received an email from a former student of mine asking about the power of beliefs, and how they work. I replied with the following:

"Think of it this way: what if, let's say, 15 years from now programmers invent this computer game that is virtually identical to reality. The game is so smart you can't tell it's not a real person. The five senses are so accurately programmed that there is no detectable difference to reality. Now, you get to play this game, but the programmer tells you some hints on how to play, he says this:

"This software is programmed to work intuitively with your brain. So, if you want to be, let's say, a rich Casanova in the game, then all you have to do is believe that you ARE a rich Casanova, and you will become one. The trick is you have to actually believe it, and then the program takes care of the rest. In fact you can have, and be anything you want in this program as long as you ask for it using these "beliefs". Think of it as your "console hack""

I'm sure you saw this coming, but this "game" already exists and it's called reality. You become who you believe you are."

Sound a little like the matrix? Well that's ok, like I said; I can only give advice on inner game from my own personal perspective and this is simply how I believe reality works.

I'll end this article with something that I've never written about before:

I remember the very night that I became good at attracting women, I remember because I had an epiphany that night and it was so mind-blowing that I had to write it down as soon as I came home. It has since become my mantra, and I know that if down the road I ever forget everything that I've learned in the past few years, all I will have to do is read this piece of paper and it will all come back. What does the paper say?

"The secret to becoming amazing at attracting women is...to remember that you already are."


I think the video game analogy is a great one; in fact, it's one that I use myself, and have been for some time now, and use it to get across this same idea to my friends when helping them out with their own game problems, especially issues like Approach Anxiety.

At the end of the day, it is all just a game - all of life itself, actually, like a Sims game: you go through your daily routine, and certain things happen, certain people come and go in that day, and depending on your actions, you affect the outcome. So, if you see 3 cute girls at the gym, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, and you approach one over the others, your path is now going down her direction.

If you approach all of them [ideal ;-)], then you've just created 3 paths that you can go down, possibly all of them if you choose to.

However, if you approach none of them, then nothing is going to happen with any of them, and they'll be gone, possibly forever..

..for example, I've got a story to post on, from the gym, with HBPinkHat and especially HBMonicaBellucci - both were wide open for me, and I missed them both..and now have nothing to show for it.

Monica Bellucci, by the way:


At the same time, I have an update with HBBlackMILF, which was a matter of me pushing it and seeing how things unfold, down that path.

Remember, it's all..just..a game - so go play.

~h

Frustrated Lesson: Gaming at the Gym

Ok, I'm going to try to make this post as coherent as possible, and as chronological as possible.

And don't worry, I haven't forgotten about the vacation post - but what's done is done with that one, whereas this is an ongoing thing right now.

Alright, so I've been keeping up with the gym quite regularly, since I'm at home and have time to do so..much more than when I'm at school, at least. So I've been practicing some things in there, obviously more day-game-related, but it's still interesting stuff..some things I've picked up from others, other things I'm experimenting/experiencing first-hand.

The good thing about the gym is, you can build social proof [even over time], because most of the people are regulars, so you're bound to see the same people around more than once-in-a-lifetime.

Look at my situation: I'm only in town a few months out of the year, and yet when I go back to the gym, there'll always be people in there that I know, either working out or people who work there.

One such example is HBRedheadMILF. She doesn't seem to be MILF age, until you get up close to her and get a better look, or she drops hints about the timeframe of when she grew up, etc. Her face is cute, and her body is just wow - big breasts and a niiice ass..especially for a white girl ;-)

I had spoken to her maybe two or three times last summer, and I actually thought I'd made a bad impression on her. I was picking on her for her shoes [they were like hiking boots style], and her name was the same name as a character on one of my favorite comedy shows.

Well, when I got back into the gym this summer, I spotted her, but since I thought I'd made a not-so-hot impression with her, I figured I'd just play it cool and not really do anything..only to be surprised as hell when she came and grabbed me..literally, grabbed me by the arm, to ask me where I've been.

Not bad. What is bad, however, is that I'm not upping the interaction - I know she's into me, because last time we ended up talking for around an hour [maybe more], near the end of her workout and right at the beginning of mine. And all the signs were there..I just wasn't sure how to move to the close without it seeming to date-y..what I didn't think about, though, was that in a day game situation, it usually is a more direct style, so it's okay to "get together at such-and-such time to do this-or-that"..so next time we run into each other, that's the plan.

This lack of upping the interaction is the point of this post - just yesterday, I met not one but two HBs at the gym. One is HBSexyMexican, whom I've seen at the gym a few times a week this summer, and she's just got a siiick ass on her ;-) I've talked to her only once, in passing; she'd been eyeing me earlier one day last week and I smiled at her..later that day, she was using a machine I'd just been using, and she was looking at me, so as I walked by I gave her this look like "wtf" and told her "You stole my machine.." while waving a fist at her..then smiling

[remember to smile, dammit! I always forget that I can be intimidating, especially to a girl, especially at a place like the gym]

She was very positive, smiled back and apologizing in this sexy accent like "Ohh, I'm sorryyyyy ;-)"

I ran into her yesterday, and we chit-chatted for a while. We passed each other a couple times, smiling, then I told her that I was a little worried and started wondering about her and what happened. She asked "why, what happened?", and I told her "well you haven't been around, so I started thinking you're slacking off..and I was going to tell on you, get your membership cancelled, and have it transferred over to my account :-)"

I realized her English wasn't all that hot, but our conversation was still fine. It just goes to show that the actual words being used are not all that important; what is important, is voice tonality and body language, and of course, smiling. I also saw that she had 2 rings on her left hand, her ring and her pinky fingers; at first, I wasn't sure if the ring finger one was a wedding ring, so I was trying to just keep things casual..hence, just passing her and smiling the first couple of run-ins yesterday. [Once I saw it wasn't, however, I could've used rings-on-fingers as something else to talk about, since I realized she wasn't the best at keeping the conversation flowing; she tried, but she sucked haa]

And now, the frustrating one..

The other girl, or rather woman, I met yesterday at the gym, was this chick I'd seen around there every now and then, back in the day, like last summer, maybe even before that. She's light-skinned black woman, who almost looks like she could be mixed; in fact, she reminds me of an older version of HBTyra..like, a lot, even in her mannerisms. I'll call her HBBlackMILF.

I was soo distracted by her yesterday, while she was first running on a treadmill, then doing one of those elliptical/stairmaster-style machine that forces girls to sway their hips from side-to-side in a very mesmerizingly sexy manner. Add to it the fact that she's very much in-shape, meaning the hour-glass figure with nice breasts, a narrow waist, and a simply amaaazing ass stuffed into black spandex pants.

Like I said, it was very distracting.

So I told myself that any chance I get, I'm going to talk to her..despite having seen a ring, on her left ringer finger. It was hard to tell if it was that kind of ring, though, because it looked kind of flat, instead of having a diamond jutting out of it. But no harm in talking, especially now that I've got a sort of default opener for the gym that applies to the situation of working out, and it's unisexual as I've used it on my guy friends before. And it usually goes over well, too, with only a few people reacting in a neutral/negative manner.

And this is exactly how I approached HBBlackMILF: she was on this triceps push-down machine, just sitting there, so as I walked by on my way to get water [it's much better to NOT carry a water bottle with you at the gym, because then you can take water breaks..and to do so, you need to walk to and from the water fountain :-)], I slowed down and stopped in front of her, over-the-shoulder, "You know [wait for acknowledgement..in her case, she apologized for being lost in space], that machine..it works better..if you push down..like this..[gesturing with my arms]".

So, it goes like this: "[smile a little] You know..the machine/it works better when you ____..[bigger smile]"

Obviously, it can only be used when the girl is chilling somewhere, either on a machine or free weights or whatever..not cardio..not when she's actually lifting..and not while she's walking around. There are other ones for that, and in fact, this one can be tweaked to apply to those, as well..for example, walking around can be made out as her slacking off or not using the entire gym properly. Whatever. But, this specific one usually works better when the girl is at a machine, during her break or something.

Well, HBBlackMILF started cracking up, and then picked up the conversation from there about how she's just kind of tired and being lazy. And I told her "You can't be slacking off, because here I am, finishing up a set and getting some water, walking by and seeing you just sitting there..it kind of kills the motivational pump. You should be going at it and keeping it going, not deflating my mission here!" And she laughed, telling me that I'm right and she's going to get right on it, "and next time when you come through, you need to make some noise or clear your throat, so I know when you're coming and I'll get started!" And I told her I'd bring like a whole parade through with me, just to make sure she knows I'm coming.

And we went on for another minute or so. I did the usual good-response = turn-to-face-her. I also made sure to say the last word and start walking off before she got started on her set, so that I'm non-needy. She kept responding each time, though, so finally I just replied to her as I walked away.

I saw her watching for me after that, especially as I started coming back her way the next time. And so she started working, and I made really, really, really loud coughing sounds, to the point that a few people started looking at me, and she was cracking uuuup. She said something, and I said something back, but I didn't stop this time. I knew I was almost done with my workout, so I figured I'd talk to her afterwards. This way, I come off as non-needy, she sees that my plan is to work out not pick up chicks at the gym so she feels special because I don't just talk to any and every chick, and she'd probably be on some other machine and thus provide a mini-bounce, which helps the whole time-distortion effect to make it seem like we've been talking much longer, and therefore we know each other much better, than if you stay in the same spot and talk.

So, when I was done, I busted on her again for slacking when she was on the lat pulldown machine, and then we just started talking, for a good while [not sure how long]. She told me about how she's trying to get in shape because she's gained weight, and I told her that in all honesty, she looks fine, and that I actually think she looks pretty sexy. We went into that for a bit. She explained to me how she wants her body to look, and even stood up and showed me [I had to literally bite my lip clench my fists not to react when she put that riDICulous ass in my face..FUUUUCK!!].

Then she told me she's a teacher, so I told her she'd be the teacher that I totally had a crush on, and I'd like bring her an apple every day. By this point, she'd already told me her name, in true girly fashion by imbedding it into something she'd told me [it was like "So I told myself, HBBlackMILF, you really gotta.."]. At this point, she asked for mine, and then told me "I'd say, Hrithik, sweety, you've brought me like 10 apples already, and I'm not eating them..you need to get the idea.." [I'm thinking, 'fuuck..'], then she goes on with "..I don't want the apples..bring me something else..like..Snicker's bars..haha".

Perfect opportunity to escalate kino ;-)

I'm like "Whaaat? You like Snicker's?? That's awesome!" and do the ol' hug-n-hold on her. And she's loving it, even without understanding why..

..because she wanted the kino, regardless ;-)

But I explained to her how I love Snicker's, and I go to like Sam's Club and buy those big 48 count boxes of the king size ones.

I repeated this process like 20 seconds later, when she revealed that she loves Mountain Dew. I also would let her know where she stood on my qualification meter, telling her how she started off neutral, but then plummeted for sucking and being so lazy, but now is sky-rocketing because of her love of Snicker's and Mountain Dew. I brought this same thing back up again later, when she said something about if there's no Dew at a restaurant, she gets blahblahblah, and I just looked at her funny, like "uhoh..", and she reacted immediately [nice way to gauge her interest/investment in impressing me, huh? ;-)].

She asked me, "what..??" And I told her she was dropping, and she goes "Oh man I'm plummeting again, aren't I??" and I told her "No, no, not that bad; you just dropped a couple notches..but you still love Snicker's and Mountain Dew, so we're still good! haa"

She assumed I had kids, and this is where I made my first mistake. I should've realized that she must have kids, to be asking about them; even if that weren't true, at least give a positive explanation. Instead, I told her that I don't have any, and then explained that my little brother and I have such a huge age gap of like 10-11 years that since I've done so much in raising him, I don't plan to have any kids anytime soon..EEEGGHH!! WRRRONNNNGG [sigh]..oh well, I plan to bring it up again another time and correct this with something about how I love kids, and they love me, and I want to have kids as soon as possible, but I just haven't found the right person yet..then look at her with sexy eyes :-)

She asked me how old he was, but I was not going to give her an idea of my age, just in case..and since she'd asked if he was like little-little, I used that and was like "no no no, not now, I'm talking back in the day..". So she went on to tell me about her 2 kids: 8-year-old son and 5.5-year-old daughter [but no mention of a husband], and so I still managed to salvage any negative impression by Awwwing and laughingly remarking at how cute that is at every chance I got.

She also failed to mention any husband-like figure when talking about taking her kids to New York in mid-July..so that's good..but I'm still not sure how I feel about that ring on her finger, since I couldn't get a closer look, especially now with her workout gloves on.

So mistake number two was in the fact of not escalating to get some kind of a close on her. Especially because she was talking about taking her kids out to dinner later, and we joked about me popping up and watching what she eats, etc. That could've been a good opportunity to either 1) playfully asking if she was asking me out on a date, or 2) inviting her, with her kids, out to dinner with me and my siblings to Dave & Buster's.

And mistake number three is the big one, today, that is causing alllll of this frustrated lesson to come out - she'd mentioned that today she was going to work out in the morning. We'd also talked about 2-a-day workouts, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. And there was my reason for being in the gym, by chance, this morning.

I told myself last night that if I got up, and if I was feeling it, I'd go to the gym and only do cardio. I woke up, alarmless, ~7:30am. What the fuck? So I figured, I have to go, it's some kind of a sign.

And she was there. On a treadmill, and I was again mesmerized by that ass. However, I felt kind of awkward, being there in the morning since she'd told she was going to be there in the morning. I should've ignored the feeling and acted natural, but it was easier said than done for me, and I didn't talk to her right away.

No big deal, I'll talk to her later, right?

I never did. And as I waited for "the right moment" to approach her, time slipped away, and so did she - I saw her as she was leaving, and I was just wrapping up doing some abs. I was, and still am, soo pissed and frustrated, especially because now, if she thought it was weird or awkward for me to show up then, she'll definitely be thinking it even more, since I didn't diffuse it or say anything to her, I just showed up when she was there. "By chance", my ass.

What makes it worse is, I already knew what I was going to say, and even worse is the fact that I was also going to use this opportunity to make up for mistake #2 and either get a number or invite her out tonight/tomorrow night with me and my sibs. And I don't know if I'm going to try to go again in the morning tomorrow, since I'd joked with her about whether she could imagine me getting up on a Saturday morning to work out after going out Friday night; if I show up, it might be weird..again. She'd also told me she goes Sunday mornings, too, but I'd acted all like "Whaat? You workout on Sundays, too??", so that might be even worse to show up for.

Fuck, fuck fuck fuck

So, the Frustrated Lesson: don't wait for the perfect opportunity, make the perfect opportunity yourself.

~h