The Good and Bad of Internalization

So I was laying in bed just now, reflecting on the day's events, and I realized something..

I had an interaction with this really cute, petite chick [with the phaaat ass, of course!] from Trinidad [I think?? I don't remember], HBShorty, who is just really bubbly and everything..anyways, it went something like this:

I got out of class and bullshitted with a couple of my boys. At 1 point, I decided to assert my alphaness [haha] and take over the convo [because I was just kind of passively participating, with them talking to each other but addressing me], so I interrupted by laying out there that I needed to decide between these two chicks, as I gestured towards HBShorty [who was chilling outside the lecture hall where I'd just gotten out of class, with a group of maybe 5-6 people, and I know she was out here specifically because of me - she knows I have class and so being there optimizes her chances of seeing me] and HBGottaBeMixed [who happened to be sitting on a bench with a girlfriend of hers..I think it was proximity, because she has seen that I have class in this lecture hall repeatedly, and gave up her usual chill-n-sit spot to be over here..I didn't even think of that until just now, really..]

1 of my friends was like "Haha not really much of a decision .. {no response, I just stared at him blankly..so he qualified himself/his answer} you know, if you ask me.." [I didn't really mean to do that, I just didn't realize I'd done it].

We chit-chat about this for a minute, then I point out the 2 girls we were waiting for, who had somehow "sneaked" their way out of the lecture hall without passing by us, so the girls busted out laughing and then waited up for us so we could get something to eat..but I had a review thing to go to, so I decided to roll out..but not before getting in some time with the HBs

I pass by HBGBM, who I'd seen just fix her hair up into a knot/bun/whatever, so I simply passed by, smiled at her friend, came up behind HBGBM, and just pulled her hair [kind of hard..oops :-p] to make it come out of its knot/bun/whatever. I looked over my shoulder and smiled, and she was doing the whole girly "mock upset but giggling because I'm totally all into you" thing..but I just kept walking..

..right on over to HBShorty, whose friends had started to trickle away, but she was still standing there - obviously waiting/hoping for me to pass by. Again, without thinking/realizing this [I'm only now realizing what was going on and what was happening, as in, her major IOI/AI of waiting on me despite her friends having started to leave without her], I went over to her [and thus rewarded her good behavior] and chatted her up. I also threw in a compliment later, when I became conscious of the fact that she was giving me a lot of kino, especially grabbing my hand[s] and holding it/them..and she just loved it! She couldn't stop giggling for a minute - nice. And even more so, HBGBM had a perfect view of all of this, and I caught her multiple times, looking over and thus getting a hardcore jealously plotline worked in..again, with only minimal thinking/planning about all of this - it sort of "just happened" [plausible deniability-style!].

The Good - needless to say, the good thing here is that this shit is not only sticking [despite being a few months removed from my in-field training with The Mystery Method and Venusian Arts and not having been very active at all in going out - partly due to lack of options/opportunities and partly due to lack of time], but it is being internalized into my brain on a subconscious level! This means, of course, that it is being integrated into my very way of being - I am no longer having to consciously think about every little thing, and my mind and body are still doing what they need to do in order to game properly..

The Bad - obviously, if I'm not in active-mode on a conscious level most [if not all] of the time, then I will be making mistakes, since I'm nowhere near being perfect, and I won't be catching these mistakes..forget catching them, I won't even be noticing these mistakes because I won't even be looking for them! This, of course, is a terrible position to be in, because without seeing the mistakes, you cannot learn from your mistakes, and you definitely can't correct them and improve upon them - very detrimental to the entire process. And forget about cold approach in a club when I get back home; with these girls, obviously I've got tons of Attraction and already some-to-decent amounts of Comfort, which definitely won't be the case when I'm back home doing my thing with total strangers [or even at a party here, possibly..although, who doesn't know Hrithik, right?? haa]. As a matter of fact, the more I think about it, the more upset I'm getting about this - if you take this scenario out to an extreme, then it means that I'd be getting the success despite my mistakes, which will be in part due to my game still being tight regardless of the mistakes [tight, but not flawless], but part of it could/will be due to my looks..and that's precisely what I don't want: to be relying on my looks to get me success with women.

I'm not sure where the sum of the two puts me, but I obviously want to maximize the good and minimize the bad..the only thing I can think of right now [it is late] off the top of my head is to do what comes/feels natural BUT AT THE SAME TIME to pay attention to what it is that's coming/feeling natural as well as the response[s] I get to this stuff..I'm not even sure if that makes sense haah

Anyways, it's late, but I needed to get these ideas out there - already they were leading to other [in some cases, deeper] insights..I'm glad I went to the effort of getting out of bed for this

~h