Example of a Comfort-Building Routine

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=The Fork In The Road Routine=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"This exercise is built to help you solve a problem in your life. Ask yourself what current challenge is on your mind. What are you personally craving that you do not have? Once you have identified this thing, you are ready to begin..

Start with a very deep inhale and then exhale so that every last drop of breath is out of your lungs and you naturally take another deep breath in. Repeat this deep breathing four more times, and as you do feel your pulse slowing down and your muscles becoming more relaxed..

Imagine yourself walking down a road. You come to an intersection where the road splits into two possible paths.

Now recall specific memories from your past where you were held back from happiness because of your problem. Let yourself feel all the negativity it caused. As you access these memories, pay close attention to the areas of your body that were affected. Did any muscles tense back up? Has your breathing or pulse increased?

These physical changes are the manifestation of the negativity your problem brings. Picture all of that negativity flowing out of your body and onto the first path. As it all leaves your body, once again relax your muscles and slow your breath.

Now picture one possible future that would exist after your challenge has been overcome and your cravings have been met. Without your problem holding you back, you have gotten everything you desired. Imagine as vividly as possible what your life is like now. What does it look like? What sounds are in the air? Concentrate on what you hear, taste, and smell. Take all of these wonderful feelings, and assign them to the second path.

So far this exercise has only been about picturing things and imaging them, but you are going to actually solve this problem in real life. To help you do so, first you must create a roadblock to keep you from continuing down the first path..

For example, there may be something you in your life need to get rid of in order to keep yourself off that path. It could be an item that feeds your problem, or maybe even a person who is a bad influence. Do what you have to do to make sure you don't travel in that direction. This isn't something you should decide on later. You must set this roadblock up immediately before any further damage is done.

For the final and most important step, you must give yourself the perfect vehicle to travel down the second path. Overcoming this challenge is important, so why not have every advantage in the world? Are there some new people you can surround yourself with that could serve as this vehicle? Is there some item or tool that will serve your purposes? Don't put this off for one second. Take the first steps you need towards securing your vehicle right now. Keep in mind that those paths you pictured don't just exist in the imagination. By taking action with your roadblock and vehicle, your real-world future will be the one of the second path.."

That's the routine.

Now that you are at the end of the routine, you will want to calibrate. Usually because it was such a long and serious moment, you are going to want to end on a joke to break that tension. Put your hand out, and with a big smile on your face say, "That will be $20 please." Then have a quick laugh before moving onto the next conversational thread.

One possible such thread could be to talk about what her problem was, along with what roadblocks and vehicles she came up with. If she is willing to share all, it is a good sign that a lot of trust and comfort has been, and is being, built. Remember, however, that when she opens up, you should reciprocate and let her know the same type of information about yourself.

All of this will also help frame the interaction at this point with a lot of comfort, and it will help associate you with the good feelings and the overcoming-of-negativity stuff, further framing you as being a sort of powerful yet understanding confidant and protector of hers who is there for her when she is going through difficult times, which in turn will build more comfort, and even some attraction [remember, Protector of Loved Ones?].

Of course, this routine won't zap her with some sort of magical love spell, but if you end up doing the exercise, the joke, and the follow-up conversation..that will be quite the bonding experience.

~h

Women's Signs and Signals That She's Into You --> IOIs

So here's the post I promised earlier.

Why is it that we receive an obvious social signal from a person we are clearly attracted to, only to find ourselves walking away from a golden opportunity?

Part of it is conditioning, and part of it is fear.

Fear, a most devastating force, trains us over time not to trust ourselves. If we did, we would know the door was wide open, and would walk up and start a conversation.

For example, there you are, walking down the street, and you lock eyes with an attractive woman. You both hold this stare for as long as you possibly can. Then you pass her, and after a few paces, glance back only to find she has done just the same thing. Your heart skips a beat, and you wonder, "Should I talk to her?"

If you are like most people, you keep walking, regretting that you didn't take the obvious opportunity to go for it.

Think about how many similar opportunities you have had, and with a simple change in your thought pattern, what kind of difference in your life would that mean?

I bet it's pretty big.

You know, like the old "Carpe Diem" mindset which so many of us never live up to.

If a girl gives you eye contact, and holds it for just a bit longer than is the custom, it means exactly what it means when you do the same thing - she feels that jolt of attraction. She sees you, and feels her chemistry change in that moment, just like yours did.

It is the magic of attraction - when you see each other, and something in you says "Yes".

What usually happens is that we pass these open doors all the time. Sometimes it is not feasible to approach the girl. We might have a meeting, or might be running late to work. There are many viable reasons not to stop and talk.

I think most of us intuitively know what this magic moment means, and we simply don't trust ourselves to go for it.

Nike said it best - Just Do It. Or my variation on this - fuck it, just do it.

Another sure signal she is definitely into you is if she smiles at you.

Sounds obvious - and it is obvious. But, I bet you've also let that opportunity pass you by, too, haven't you?

She wouldn't smile at you if she wasn't attracted to something about you. One of my friends, a pretty good-looking guy, gets smiles from women all day long..yet he thinks they are "just being nice".

In actuality, this is an opening to begin a conversation. It is a signal that her first impression of you is a good one, and that she would be interested in meeting you.

Also, if a woman is in your vicinity, and she opens her body language to you by facing you, this also is a good sign that she is open to meeting you. Like my short example relating to HBAlienFace in the previous post.

Imagine you are in a group of people, carrying on a conversation. When you speak, she faces you with her body. But, when someone else speaks, she turns her head to hear them, but her body still faces you. This indicates that she is more interested in talking with you than with anyone else in the group.

In the case of HBAlienFace, again for the sake of example, her conversation and my conversation weren't even the same one; we were in two different groups. Yet this was still happening, in exactly this way.

Also, pay attention to your body language in social situations. Again, I brought this point up in the previous post, when I mentioned that I was getting similar reactions from girls passing by me while I was on the phone with my girlfriend outside the gym.

Another situation is when you see someone that you find attractive, don't you subtly open your body to them? What we are doing is signaling the other person, subconsciously, that we are interested in having a conversation with them.

These subtle cues occur within social settings constantly. If you can recognize them, you will begin to see that women are communicating with men via their behavior and body language all the time. These are signs that, initially, she feels some attraction for you. By noticing these, you will feel a greater amount of confidence when making your introductions later.

One last point on these initial signs: if you notice a woman, and she does not signal you in any of the above ways, it might simply mean that she is preoccupied or that she simply hasn't noticed you..YET. In any event, go ahead and make your approach, what do you have to lose? There are no hard and fast rules here; that would be way too easy, and therefore, unrealistic.

"Fuck it, just do it" anyway.

With some good conversational skills and a solid personal style, your first impression will be great anyway. Your chances are then very good for entering into a positive interaction with the woman you have approached.

By the way, here is a list of twenty-five common IOIs, ways that women signal initial interest to us:

1) Repeatedly glances at you from across the room
2) Walks by your location, going out of her way to be noticed by you
3) Smiles at you
4) Positions herself so that her body is open to you, wanting you to see her
5) In a tight environment [examples: by the bar or in line or on the subway] will subtly, and purposely, bump you to get your attention and prompt an "excuse me"
6) Stands close to you, subtly encroaching on your personal space
7) Repeats herself, and talks about boring things to keep the conversation going
8) Asks you personal questions
9) Ignores her friends or cellphone to keep talking with you
10) Touches you in any way while speaking with you
11) Compliments you
12) Talks about you in any way to other people
13) Introduces you to her friends
14) Flirts with you
15) She asks you your name early in the conversation
16) Brags about something in her life, trying to impress you - her attempt at a DHV
17) Laughs at things you say
18) Talks for a longer than normal amount of time
19) She fills in awkward pauses
20) She agrees to spend time alone with you, even a small side conversation at a party, bar, or other social setting
21) Asks if you are single
22) Fixes her hair, clothes, makeup, etc
23) Plays with her hair while talking with you
24) Agrees with everything you say
25) Has that "doggy dinner bowl" look: her eyes glaze over and her lower lip pouts [this one's a biggie!]

You don't have to witness all of these to know if she is into you or not; as few as one or two may be all you get.

But, that is plenty..trust me ;-)

~h